Oh, where have you been, Billy Boy, Billy Boy?

Billy battled his family (instead of his demons) and chose his love of gambling over them. Will he have to hit rock bottom and risk losing everything, including Phyllis, before he seeks help? Did Victor falsify Jack's paternity test results to hide his familial ties with his archnemesis? There were toasts galore this week in Two Scoops.

Seriously, has a soap intervention for an addiction ever been successful? (This was meant to be rhetorical, but if you can think of one be sure to post it in the Comments section at the end of the column) Why on earth, would the Abbotts and company believe, for one minute, that theirs would help rid Billy of his gambling demons? Traci has such a good heart, and while she truly wanted to help her brother, this was a weak attempt to do so, and besides, it was way too soon. Billy was still craving the thrill from gambling. In order for an intervention to work, the victim...uh, loved one has to want to be helped, but Billy hadn't hit rock bottom quite yet. And until he did, no promises of love and support, while he was away in rehab, were going to be the cure to chase his betting urges away.

Boy, little did Summer know (or care) what a can of worms she opened when she tempted Billy with a poker game. Well, okay, she knew enough to hope it would interfere with her mother's loving relationship with her boyfriend, but I doubt if she really knew just how serious Billy's addiction was. And a can of worms seems to be the appropriate term, since, sure, they appear to be somewhat innocent at first sight, but then you see the destruction they can cause by squiggling and oozing everywhere and over everything, especially if you step on them. Yuck. And Billy's life was that squishy, icky gob landing smack-dab in the path of ruination, personally and professionally.

If only his family knew about Billy's wheelings and dealings lately, they would surely be asking, "Oh, where have you been, Billy Boy, Billy Boy?" (Well, that actually sounds more like Victor, since that's the Mustache's pet name for Billy.) Ashley especially would be interested in hearing that her brother had spent and lost a half million dollars of Jabot's money to the gambling syndicate. So, why would Billy think he still deserved to be CEO of Jabot? He stole from the family business for a risky betting venture, which is worse than anything Ashley or Jack ever did. Billy was supposed to be proving his worth for the company, but the only thing he proved was that he was great at embezzling funds. Oh, well, I guess you've got to be good at something.

Since Phyllis had only an idea, because he no longer filled her in on any details, she should ask, "Oh, where have you been, charming Billy?" Phyllis probably didn't see that Billy had already chosen gambling over her once he told her he wouldn't share any information about future gambling ventures with her. Although Summer was the one who reintroduced Billy to the betting world, he pretty easily succumbed to the temptation, which indicated that maybe he was missing the stimulation he had once had with Phyllis. After all, they no longer had the excitement of stealing sex on the sly, as they did when they had messed around on her husband and his brother. The thrill is gone. The thrill is gone away. Sing it, B. B. King.

So, while it was big hearted that Traci decided an intervention was the course of action to take, her decision was misguided and premature. Billy had no intention of listening, and nothing his loved ones said would change that. Come on, interventions never work, at least not on soaps.

I think my favorite soap intervention was on Guiding Light, and involved Dinah Marler played by (insert dramatic music) Gina Tognoni. I absolutely loved her as Dinah, and she gave it her all while her family tried to chase her out of town. She was surprised, humored, shocked, angered, hurt. She yelled, and she cried. Dinah was an emotional wreck. It must have been somewhat of a relief for Ms. Tognoni that she got to skip the turmoil this time, as Phyllis witnessed her boyfriend being put through the wringer. And Billy was washed, rinsed, and hung out to dry.

This type of confrontation tends to do more harm than good, and that certainly gave Billy even more reason to continue to spiral out of control, which he promptly did when he later faced Jack and Phyllis. Billy only saw the intervention as a conspiracy for Ashley to get him out as CEO of Jabot, and he accused his brother and his girlfriend of being part of the ploy. Yet Billy still wouldn't let Summer take advantage of him, so take that, Summer. That girl just refused to take a hint, even if it was screamed at her through a bullhorn. Summer just couldn't take no for an answer. Is it sexual harassment if the employee is making advances to the employer? Billy is technically Summer's boss.

But Jack only saw how lucky Billy was in having Phyllis by his side, after Jack had let her slip through his fingers. Jack hasn't had an honest romantic relationship since his breakup with Phyllis, probably because he couldn't get over his love for her. But Phyllis still only wanted Billy and was ready to follow him to the ends of the earth -- or at least to the police station, where he was being held because he was drunk. Ahh, true love. Ain't it grand?

I'm just confused why Phyllis deluded herself into thinking she and Billy could control his addiction when she was the one who helped Jack get over his. Phyllis, more than anyone, should have known that Billy would be unable to gamble casually or responsibly, as she referred to it, and that the thrill of the win would possess him again. Addictions, no matter which kind, cannot be controlled or monitored, and because she had dealt with Jack's in the past, it was crazy for her to believe that Billy's would be different. But that's how insecure Phyllis was with Billy. In order to keep from losing him, Phyllis gave Billy what he wanted so she could continue to be a part of his life, instead of giving him the help he needed, as she once had with Jack.

Jack finally received the paternity test results back with the resounding no that he and Victor had wished for, but can the results even be trusted? As we know very well, anyone in Genoa City can simply stroll into the lab and change a test's results on a whim. Even though the results indicated that Jack was not related to Victor, how would we know the Mustache didn't change them? Albert Miller was a very selfish and mean man, and though Victor was not known for being gracious, maybe he didn't want to see even Jack haunted by the ghost of such a diabolical father. Victor was right that Jack should be happy to call John Abbott his father. But more than likely, if Victor changed the results, he wouldn't want to be known as Jack's brother and have his archnemesis forever be a member of the family. So, was Jack's search finally over?

As much as I adore Jack, he is starting to get on my last nerve by constantly correcting himself when he starts to refer to John Abbott as his father. John Abbott is Jack's father. John was the man who was always there for Jack -- who loved him and who supported him and who helped make Jack the person he is today. It would be similar to a child being adopted. The man who adopted and raised the kid would be his or her father, not some biological sperm donor.

Oh, there's another good example. If a couple has trouble conceiving and uses the sperm from a donor, the guy who loved and supported the child throughout the years would be the father. Does Jack consider Christian to be Nick's son, even though Adam is the boy's biological dad? Of course, he does. Jack really needs to get over himself and accept that he is and always will be John Abbott's son. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

Sharon finally decided to tell Nick the truth about J.T., and it was a wise decision, especially after she saw the huge pile of evidence the police had on J.T.'s case. Besides, she really needed to wipe the slate clean and not go into her marriage with a huge lie between them. Unfortunately, Nikki and Victoria persuaded her to keep quiet, to forget about J.T., and to move on with her wedding to Nick. Sharon should really have listened to her instincts regarding Nick when she remembered how lies had torn them apart so many times in the past. Her past (and future) in-laws were only concerned with their own hides; however, this is one lie that will blow up in all their faces.

Nick also wanted to disclose to Sharon his one-night stand with Phyllis, and he was determined not to let anything stop him -- except for a red light and a blaring siren. Our former "Red" pulled the fire alarm to stop him. But because characters on soaps have a nasty tendency to blab secrets out loud in public, a current redhead, Mariah, overheard Kyle and Summer and had to face that Nick's one-night-stand with Phyllis was not "some sick little rumor." One way or another, those secrets are bound to come out. It's a shame that Phyllis, Nikki, and Victoria didn't see that it would have been better for Sharon and Nick to be the ones to spin the facts to each other in their own way, rather than to hear the shocking truth from another source. And you know they will.

Sharon told Rey that her house was one of the few constants in her life, but I really don't understand the big deal about her moving with Nick into a grand, luxurious house. It's not like she has to give her own house away when she does. Shoot, Sharon could let Mariah live there, and Mariah and Tessa could have their own little love nest. However, Sharon should definitely find a way to keep the place (especially if it is in her name). If Sharon were to transfer the title over to her daughter, Tessa probably wouldn't waste any time convincing Mariah to sell it so Tessa could have the money for her sister. Ugh. But by letting Mariah live there, Sharon could still visit the place from time to time and be able to hang onto her memories from that house. It would be a win-win situation for Sharon and Mariah.

And hurray to Mariah for attempting to throw the best bachelorette party for her mother by even having a pre-party to glam the ladies up first, although I'm not sure why Abby thought party-throwing had to be a competition. Is that a new event in the Olympics? The ladies seemed to have a good time, though, and at least nobody died during this gathering. It was quite refreshing to hear Nikki admit that she never liked Sharon because her former, soon-to-be daughter-in-law reminded Nikki too much of herself. And it was good to know that even when Nikki didn't like Sharon, she respected her. That's a positive vibe Sharon could take from Nikki as Sharon goes into her marriage with Nick.

It's a shame that vibe didn't carry over to the actual bachelorette party. It almost seemed like an ambush when Nikki, Victoria, and Phyllis, who crashed the festivities, kept giving Sharon the stink eye during her celebration. And no one batted an eye (not even a stink eye) when Phyllis joined the ladies, even though she was never invited. In fact, Mariah almost welcomed her with open arms. Then why wasn't Phyllis asked to attend the event in the first place? Anyway, it's rather bizarre when the favorite topic of a bachelorette gathering was to talk about the cover-up of the death of an ex-husband. Cheers, everyone!

And there were certainly enough toasts to go around. Between Victor and Jack toasting each other as they wished for negative paternity results to the men toasting at Nick's bachelor party and then the ladies at Sharon's bachelorette gala, there were plenty of glasses raised in the air. All the clinking must have been deafening. But at least there was happiness and gaiety all around, even though that was bound to be short-lived. But will Nick and Sharon make it down the aisle, or will it turn out to be yet another soapy non-wedding? It's a real cliffhanger.

Or not, since the two lovebirds would be keeping their lips zipped. Oh, I can see a non-wedding is destined for their future, even without a crystal ball. Mariah or Kyle or Summer or someone is bound to stop their wedding from taking place. The only mystery is exactly when the shocking news will be delivered during the ceremony. Will it be during the vows or just before the I do's? Or will it be as early as the "speak now or forever hold their peace" part? It will surely be before the "I now pronounce you husband and wife" declaration. Maybe the guests should take bets on this for fun. Billy would probably like to get in on that action.

Mattie missed her mom so much that she was willing to spend time in prison with her. Actually, I doubt if chaining oneself to a prison gate would result in prison time, but it may have given her a criminal record if Christine hadn't let her off the hook. Mattie could have been given community service, probation, or even jail time, and that wouldn't look good for her future career opportunities. It's the last thing Lily would need during her time in the slammer. But Christine let Mattie off with a slap on the wrist, which was probably a lecture. Hopefully, Mattie will use a little common sense in the future.

It was great to see Victor and Jack in agreement for a change, even if it was only in their mutual hope that they weren't related. Baby steps.

Welcome back, Jill! It's always great to see her, and there was no better reason for Jill's return. Again, Jill had to rush back to town due to her precious son's wayward ways. Jill's love for Billy always shines through his darkest clouds.

It's interesting that Sharon didn't hesitate to rent the Crimson Lights apartment out to Rey, but she never even considered letting Tessa stay there temporarily rather than having it remain vacant.

Sharon's description of her bachelorette party included "a fire alarm, my in-laws, and a party crasher named Phyllis." Sharon had better hope her marriage to Nick goes more smoothly and with less of those same three elements.

Until next time, please stay tuned -- and keep on buzzing.Teddi

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