Soap Opera #101: Fainting and mystery men

That Juliet's pregnancy is Soap Opera 101 is not surprising, but what Hilary is willing to do to win back Devon is a master class in backstabbing and treachery. Find out who's doing what to whom in this week's Two Scoops.

Another pretty great week on The Young and the Restless, which, incidentally has been renewed for at least three more years! Hip Hip Hooray! Not only job security for all the actors, but job security for Teddi and me as well! (Psst: Don't tell Sharon or Paul, but I heard that Dylan is hiding out in the witness protection program over in Port Charles!)

Moving along to the main topic, the one-night-stand-with-a-married-man curse has struck again. Apparently there is no such thing as protection, or else single women are extremely fertile, while married women, who want children, can't conceive -- I guess that's the other half of the curse, which has affected almost every woman on soaps since soaps began airing on radio a jillion years ago. Commit adultery, and boom! You're pregnant. (Go directly to jail. Do not pass "Go." Do not collect $200!)

There is something off here, though. Cane was in Tokyo sometime in late February, because on March 1, Juliet took a meeting with Cane and Billy in Genoa City. That means that she's at least 17 weeks along, but she told Cane and Lily 13, and they agreed with her that it had been 13 weeks since Tokyo, so I guess we just lost a month somewhere. Rather than overtax my brain, perhaps I'd best call it "Soap Opera Savings Time" and let it go at that!

I understand now why they aged the kids. It makes for more family drama and expands the circle of those who are directly affected by Cane's adultery and can verbalize their feelings. It lets them drag out the story by having more people involved in it. It also ties in the teenaged story, which is probably going to have some elements of the Romeo and Juliet feud once Victoria figures out whom Reed is dating. It's also practical because the writers can tell two stories using one set of characters. Clever!

Will Victoria fire Cane? That's a really tough decision because Cane betrayed Victoria's trust, just like he did Lily's. That betrayal is what both women find hard to forgive -- and frankly, so would I. Cane made them look like fools because they believed and trusted him and defended him like a mother bear with a cub. It's going to be hard for anyone to trust Cane's word now. Cane needs to understand that and give Lily some space to heal the giant, gaping hole he put in her heart.

I'm sure that all will eventually be forgiven. As I said last time, this behavior is completely out of character for Cane, but an adultery story is a soap staple. There is always at least one playing out every story cycle when you think about it. It was Cane's turn to fall off the faithful wagon, maybe because he was the last remaining adultery virgin! I can't think of any other main character who has not committed adultery at one time or another. Can you? Esther, maybe?

Hilary is a sly piece of work. If Juliet's pregnancy is Soap Opera 101, then that woman has a master's degree in treachery and backstabbing. She reminds me of the story about a scorpion and frog who agreed to help each other across a river. When they got halfway across, the scorpion stung the frog. Knowing that they would both drown, the frog asked, "Why?" The scorpion said, "Because it's my nature."

It is Hilary's nature to do what Hilary thinks is best for her. Right now, Hilary wants Devon back, and she is willing to do whatever it takes, even if that means betraying Juliet and leaving her twisting in the wind. Hilary will never admit that she was the one who convinced Juliet that she had been harassed in the first place. If Juliet loses the lawsuit because Hilary reveals that first audio conversation with Juliet, then Juliet will have no option but to go after Cane for child support. Everything will then become public knowledge. Lily will be humiliated, and Hilary will have her cake and eat it, too, if she can successfully convince Devon that her hands are clean.

Rebound girl Mariah better get prepared because Hilary is about to pull out all the stops in her effort to reboard the Devon gravy train. Mariah just got a taste of how deep and abiding the connection between Devon and Hilary actually is, so be wise and be warned, my dear Mariah. Thank goodness you've got a friend in Tessa; you are definitely going to need a shoulder to cry on very soon. By the way, I do like Tessa's music and the tunes she's been playing at the Underground.

I love Philly, and I hope they have a long run before the inevitable breakup. The actors have incredible chemistry together. Philly took a united stand with Jill, and I was glad to see that Billy showed some backbone where his mother was concerned. Jill has been overbearing in the extreme. Billy is a grown man in his thirties. It's way past time for his mama to stop dictating his love life. The overbearing parent is a sad trend on Y&R when you consider that Lauren, Sharon, and Victoria all treat the love life of their sons in ways similar to Jill.

Surely it's not that way in real life! Tell me that you mothers out there are not that territorial about your sons! If most men are treated like Y&R mothers treat their sons, then it's no wonder that men are becoming so hostile and derisive toward women these days! Holy guacamole! Maybe we've made men so desperate to get out from under our thumbs that they are willing to chew their legs off, like a wolf in a trap -- as Cher's character chirped in Moonstruck!

I did check out Jason Thompson's new app, EscapeX. I downloaded the free version from iTunes. If I understood the controls correctly, you can't get live interaction with the actor unless you pay $4.99 per month. I'm not that much of a fan of anyone, except myself! Though if I could get a package deal that included all the Y&R stars, I'd be down for a free trial. EscapeX does offer a free trial for a week, and I would have taken it, but you have to sign up with a credit card, and I am terrible at remembering to cancel those things, so I passed for now, though I reserve the right to try it out later. There were lots of Philly fans on the site, and all the messages and photos that were available to read for free were interesting and gave the impression that Jason Thompson and his family are very down-to-earth, loving people, exactly the kind of folks that I respect and wish well. Diehard fans will like this app, at least until the "new wears off," if it ever does.

Speaking of wishing wells, I wish I had one so that I could wish for more of Gloria and Graham, who really lit up the screen Friday. I keep being amazed at how lithe and youthful-looking Judith Chapman remains. Same goes for Peter Bergman, who is about the same age as Chapman. They hold up very well with Graham's portrayer, who is 24 years younger. Must be that silver fox hair, which I really like! Chapman is mesmerizing, and I want to see a lot more of her increasingly complex character, especially since Gloria has learned that Graham is the heir to Dina's fortune. Jack has aimed Gloria at Graham, but will he get jealous? The future will tell. Strangely, I like them together, too.

In the last column's comments, one viewer suggested that Graham could be a secret child of Dina's as an alternative -- or in addition -- to the Dina-has-Alzheimer's theory. I agree that is a definite possibility. I read another story that speculated that Graham was a relative of one of Ashley's rejected lovers or that he is the real brains behind Mergeron, which, if true, could give credence to the Alzheimer's story also. Whatever the answer, I doubt that Jack and Ashley will waste any time in finding out everything they can about Graham and his mysterious past.

I thought Victoria's disappointment in Cane and her conversation with Reed abut the difficulties of being the boss and making decisions was well acted and really pointed out some of the challenges that women have to face in business. In many instances, it is difficult to tell the difference between sexual harassment and consensual sex, especially in the workplace. This applies equally in my mind to both men and women. Both can be harassed, and both can claim it when it isn't true or deny it when it is.

Personally, I hate being objectified, even now, at my age, but I detest liars even more. Juliet has no one but herself to blame for being pregnant, but we know that Cane is responsible for getting her fired. He tried to oust Billy, and Juliet got caught in the crossfire. It had nothing to do with harassment, but Juliet was Cane's victim nonetheless. I do hope Victoria ferrets that out and Juliet gets some vindication.

That's all f-f-f-o-l-k-s. Now that I'm mainlining Twitter, I'm as hooked as any junkie, and I have to get back to my keyboard for a fix. So many topics, so many opinions, so little time -- does that make me a twit? I thank all of you who are following me @BoonesTudes and those of you who have purchased my book. It means I'll have healthcare this month -- just kidding (sort of).

As always, I welcome feedback about this column in the section provided below. I love reading and answering your comments. I even like it when you disagree with me so that I have to think hard to answer you! Thanks again for keeping my brain cells cranking on all cylinders. At my age, I need all the stimulation I can get!

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