Revenge served cold

Jealous Prince Cane was willing to tank Brash & Sassy to get his revenge on Billy, just because Billy had Queen Victoria's ear. As added bonuses, Cane hurt Victoria's bottom line, and he may have irreparably damaged Lily's burgeoning career. Hear ye, hear ye, as we discuss sweet revenge in this week's Two Scoops.

If I weren't "cruisin' to give a bruisin'" -- verbally, naturally -- I could almost admire Cane and the slick way he took his revenge on Billy -- jealousy, thy name is Cane -- and on Victoria because she bought Brash & Sassy and undercut him. As icing on the proverbial cake, Cane's duplicity may also have put the brakes on Lily's skyrocketing career. He dealt a crippling blow to Juliet, as well. A win, win, win for Cane, Cane, Cane, as long as nobody finds out the truth and his blackmailer doesn't come back for a second helping. I estimate that Cane should get to savor his sweet revenge for a day or two at the very least.

Instead of admiring Cane, I'm pretty well convinced that he's a traitorous, backstabbing, misogynistic louse. I say misogynistic because I've had misogyny, not Georgia, on my mind recently, and because Cane was willing to hurt both his wife and Victoria -- not to mention his livelihood -- to take Billy down. As a bonus, Cane's backstabbing neutralized Juliet, too. I question if those are the actions of a sane, loving person. If fact, I'd call Cane deranged and delusional if he expects to keep his part in this fiasco on the QT.

Cane is good-looking and, according to Lily, superior between the sheets, but I wonder if that's going to be enough for Lily to continue as Cane's loyal supportive wife when Lily learns what Cane did to keep her out of the public eye -- and Lily will learn, because if there is one thing that we all know about soaps, it's that the only secrets that are ever safe are the ones we viewers want to see exposed.

When you consider the short shelf life of super models and that Lily has teenaged children, Cane really didn't need to sabotage his wife because she would have aged out of the modeling business in a year or two, at most. I may be wrong, and feel free to correct me, but I think most supermodels are done by age 30, and even younger if they have children. I believe the object is to have an emaciated boyish body and never-been-pregnant hips.

I do hope Cane pays for his actions. Lying and backstabbing are right up there on the top of my "greatest sins" list. I call myself a liberal, but I'm not so liberal when it comes to old-fashioned values like honesty and respect. Cane's apple appears to have fallen a lot closer to Colin's tree than he lets on. What's next, Cane? Will you steal your children's college fund and try another takeover? Perhaps this time, get a job with Hamilton-Winters and sabotage them if your paranoia about your place in the company gets the better of you? Or will you treat your superiors there differently than you did Victoria merely because they are men? Huh? Speak up, Cane, if you're able, because I can't hear you!

For Cane, there is still the problem of Juliet and their drunken tryst in Tokyo. That little secret is lurking, and frankly, I'm surprised that Juliet hasn't started having morning sickness, because, we all know that on soaps, single women always get pregnant after one-night stands with married men, especially if they used protection.

Also on my sins list for tacky childish behavior is Victoria and her attempt to lure Billy away from Phyllis. I'm embarrassed for her and the low self-esteem that drives such -- I'll say it again -- misogynistic behavior. It's not only men who can be misogynists; women can fill that role, also, as Victoria demonstrates over and over again in many of her interactions with other women. Victoria is always looking for Daddy's approval but never quite gets it, which makes her wishy-washy, as evidenced by her on-again, off-again relationship with Billy. She claims to love him, but she doesn't stand behind him in a crisis. She accuses first and asks forgiveness later -- after the facts are revealed.

Ashley is also holding a grudge, this one against her mother, and maybe rightly so, but I don't think Jack is going to go along with her. Men tend to forgive women more easily than we women forgive each other, so I expect Jack to cave first. As the story plays out, Ashley will probably give in, too, because I think it's natural for most children to want a relationship with their parents, no matter what circumstances caused the estrangement.

Jack and Nikki are getting closer to being BFFs again. Jack seems sincere in his feelings for Nikki, but I'm sure he would like to know what's really going on with the Newman family. He's sniffing the ground like a bloodhound, but so far, Nikki has kept him off the scent. Meanwhile, Jack can amuse himself with Abby and helping her go behind Victor's back. Not very smart on Abby's part, since she knows that the one thing Victor hates more than anything else is a business surprise, which translates to "betrayal" in Darth Victor's soapiverse.

The writers continue to give us rom-com dialogue between Scott and Abby, so I'm assuming that when Sharon falls for Scott, he will have been swept off his feet by Abby, who is closer to his age than Sharon, unless Scott is in his forties and Lauren is a septuagenarian like me. Abby has already squandered one decent catch, Stitch, so it hardly seems fair that she get another chance so quickly. But then again, Stitch was also attracted to Ashley, so maybe Abby better grab the man she can while Ashley is occupied with Ravi and before Ashley turns her eyes to Scott.

Three cheers for Nick, who is supporting Chelsea's search for Chloe instead of ratting her out to Victor. I still think this "protect Victor, protect the family" story is for the birds and is simply sloppy writing. While it meets the objective of breaking up all the happy couples so that they can either form new partnerships or find their way back to one another, it fails the test of reason and logic, even by soap standards. To my mind, it makes Victoria, Nick, and Nikki just as guilty as Victor, who should pay for his involvement with Chloe, even if it's probation and a slap on the wrist. Nick has found a way to let Chelsea discover Victor's part in Chloe's plot without appearing to help her. Now that's what I call passive-aggressive behavior, and it moves Nick up a notch on my R-E-S-P-E-C-T list!

I did love the Los Angeles location shoot, even if I was just relaxing on the roof in the sunshine -- oh, wait, that was Phyllis, not me. Phyllis is also insecure; either that or she's smart enough to know that she'd better keep Billy and his notoriously short attention span on a tight leash. I'm still processing that relationship. Anyway, as I thought about the shoot, I silently congratulated Y&R for sparing no expense in bringing so many of the show's characters to L.A., and then went, "Wait a minute! This show's based in Los Angeles, not Genoa City, so basically, all they did was go outside and film." That made me wonder if I was getting my fictions mixed up, and if perhaps, I might be spending a little too much time in the company of my imaginary friends. Anyway, I still think that the outdoor locations have been a nice change of pace.

• I thought that the hairstyles last week were a lot less sucky than they were a few weeks ago. It looks like the stylists are using better conditioner. I hope the trend continues.

• I also liked several of the dresses, including the blue and white flowered number that Lily wore for the Hilary interview, the cutout blue dress that Victoria was wearing on the rooftop and the striking red dress that Ashley was sporting when she talked to Jack and Dina.

I nearly spit out my coffee when Jack said, "You can't change the past," and Nikki replied, "Don't let it affect the future." That could have come straight from the first poem I wrote 40 years ago. Now I really have to wonder if I was profound, like I thought I was then, or merely trite. Are my critics correct? Are my life and my writing on the same artistic par as a soap? Next question: Do I care? Answer: Probably, but not enough to change. (Besides when I hear "artistic par with a soap," it sounds like a compliment.)

I do agree with the sentiment that Nikki expressed. So often we don't let ourselves enjoy the present or the future because we can't stop dwelling in the past. Meaningful dialogue like that between Nikki and Jack is one reason that I watch the soaps. There are nuggets of wisdom to be found if we just listen.

Please join me again in two weeks at the Genoa City Athletic Club with special guest speaker Cane Ashby, whose topic will be, "Vengeful backstabber and loving it!" As always, we welcome comments about Two Scoops from both readers -- and interested imaginary friends -- in the section provided below.

P.S. If you have enjoyed my columns and would like to read more of my offbeat thoughts, please take a few seconds to check out 'Tude #1 in my blog, Boones-Tudes.com. I have a lot more to say on such topics as the miasma of misogyny, spiritual existentialism, feminism, my bucket list, etc. The essays will be short and the poems even shorter. As here, my tongue will continue to be firmly planted in cheek.

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