Sometimes in life, baby poopy happens

Sharon and Sage showed shock over the secret son switcheroo. Who was sacrificed for the sake of sweeps? After his actions caused Abby's miscarriage, should Max do his best Michael Jackson impression of "You know I'm bad, I'm bad," (minus the single, white glove and moonwalk)? Let's all toast with a brand, new, shiny Two Scoops to go with Kevin's flashy suit and his sporty 1968 Corvette Stingray.

Silly Sharon! Thinking she could hide the identity of the boy previously known as Christian, leading into the May sweeps period. She really should have known better. You can run and you can hide, but you can never escape sweeps. To be fair, though, Sharon had only known the truth for about five minutes, before Sage learned of it. But still, the jig was up, and in a big way, once the nurse spilled the beans and admitted to Sage that she had handed Christian over to an unsuspecting Sharon, to raise as her own. And that Sharon had never been pregnant. But those piddly, little details didn't matter, since it appeared that Sage and son were the ones to be sacrificed, all in the name of sweeps.

Are you kidding? Sharon was crazy to continue to research the mystery regarding her dreams, especially when she knew it might have something to do with Sully's birth. Paul said it best when he stated, "But you know, sometimes you gotta face the truth, no matter how much it hurts." But facing the truth has never been Sharon's strong suit. Ha, leave it to cat-crazed Patty to compare Sharon's situation to one of the "clever, little cowbirds" who lay their eggs in other birds' nests. Shoot, Patty's cats, imaginary or not, would like to add those same cowbirds as the newest treat on the kitty menu.

Sharon may have had her problems in the past, but even she could put two and two together to get four. Didn't she sound noble, though, when she talked about verifying that Sully was really Christian first, before revealing it, so Sage wouldn't get her hopes up? What a grand, grand gesture on Sharon's part. Poor Dylan! It looked like he was about to lose yet another son. Man, Dylan just can't hang onto his children, or even the ones he thinks are his kids. The unfortunate guy will fear attempting to procreate in the future, just to avoid another such catastrophe. No more sex for Dylan. He could try being a monk, only the cloak wouldn't go very well with his superhero cape.

But just how much will be revealed about Sage's bundle of joy? After all, there still is that pesky detail about Adam being Christian's biological father. Surprise, Nick! But, then again, Sage hadn't been privy to that little tidbit either. Hey, I just realized the kid would go from being Nikki's grandson to being Victor's grandson. It's weird when you think about it.

But, sadly, Sage blamed Sharon for the cover-up, even though Sharon never had a clue about her fake pregnancy scam, thanks to Dr. Anderson's magnificent obsession. Sharon's first impulse had been to run, but we all know that never works for soap characters. Even when they are successful at moving away, like Adam and Chelsea in Paris, they always come crawling back with their tails between their legs. But most of the time, something or someone stops them in the nick of time. Ha, that's funny...nick. Somehow, I doubt if Nick would be laughing though.

So, Sage ranted at the cold-hearted, back-stabbing, lying, "cold, selfish, vicious monster," Sharon, for what? For loving Sage's baby and giving him the best care possible? I mean, I can understand Sage would be upset about Sharon trying to keep it a secret, but Sharon had only just received the DNA proof herself. She hadn't even had time, yet, to pack her bag. Sage acted like Sharon was behind the whole plot. On the other hand, Sharon should understand, better than anyone, what's it like to lose the first several precious months of a child's life. There just seems to be a whole lot of that going around in Genoa City.

I just knew when Sage flew out the door to tell Nick the truth about "his son" being alive, something would stop her. I was just relieved that Sharon didn't do anything to cause Sage's crash. However, I was totally stunned, when I realized Sage was dying. I hadn't heard anything about Kelly Sullivan leaving the show. I have to admit having Sage gone will create more drama than keeping her alive. Sage had just never been that fascinating of a character.

Naturally, Nick cried when he learned of Sage's death. And Sharon was haunted by being the one to see Sage take her last breath. That would have been rather freaky. You know Sharon won't keep her promise to Sage and tell Nick that Christian is still alive, especially after she heard Dylan say he didn't know what he'd do, if he ever lost Sharon or Sully. It would be cruel to snatch another baby right out of Dylan's arms. And it would also be awful to have Nick get Christian back, only for him to later learn the boy's father is actually Adam. These men seem to have heartbreak following them everywhere, especially in regards to the tiny tots. Yeah, sometimes, baby poopy happens.

I almost felt like I was watching "My Fair Lady," when it finally seemed to dawn on Nikki, after she sobbed to Victor that his family was miserable without him, that it was exactly what Victor wanted to hear. You know, the part where Eliza Doolittle finally was able to say (sing), "The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain." I was echoing Professor Harold Higgins by saying, "I think she's got it. I think she's got it." Victor's still the one calling all the shots and controlling his family's thoughts and feelings. And Victor's always had Nikki's number. He's knows she will always go groveling back to him, sooner or later. That's probably her huge appeal to him. Victor knows that as long as Nikki keeps vodka as her crutch, she will always have trouble standing on her own, which is probably why she continuously falls off the wagon.

Victoria's not much better, only in a different way. She's doing everything she can to prove to her father that she can successfully run the family business. It was almost as if her life depended on it. As much she puts Billy down, her priorities tend to be a little screwed up also. Victoria shows more and more that the business comes first, no matter how much she claims her kids do. Funny, wasn't that always what her dad had claimed? (Although I do give Victor a few points for finally admitting to Nikki his business came first - but that was only after he felt his family had betrayed him.) Victoria's somewhat of a hypocrite though. Talk's cheap. Actions speak louder than words. And any other clich I can think of for this.

Nick is probably the one closest to being on the right track, when it comes to Victor. He has tried to move on, far away from the business, just so he could be his own person. Bravo! He only returned to Newman Enterprises to help his sister out. But even so, Nick was still trying not to let his guard down, and he continued to fight not to let his father gain an advantage over him and his personal life. Of course, that was before Nick knew about a humongous shake-up that would rock his world and change his family dynamics forever.

If Victor has his way, he will be getting out of prison soon. Ian and Victor became comrades in arms and wandering spirits, working together towards life, liberty, and the pursuit of freedom. Or something like that. They realized Dr. Meredith was just the tool they needed to set the dragons free from their dungeon, mainly due to her father, Russell Gates. The powerful and mighty Russell Gates who decided which prisoners could be released on parole. How convenient for the diabolical duo.

Since Victor and Mr. Gates are so much alike in their roles as masters of the universe, Victor should know exactly what makes the man tick. And since Meredith could only view her father with anger and pain, her Achilles' heel could be the key to their freedom. Oh yes, Victor should know all about that, since his very own family members were dealing with those very same issues. Hey, maybe Victoria could work with Victor on his strategy of how to use a daughter's weakness against her. Victor and Victoria should know that better than anyone.

In the meantime, Victor found a way to get even with both Victoria and Nick by attempting to pit them against each other. He decided Nick should replace Victoria as the head of Newman Enterprises and to accomplish this, Victor put Victoria's baby, Brash and Sassy, on the selling block, behind her back. And guess who was chomping at the bit to buy it? You got it -- Billy, who got the money for it from his ten million dollars severance package. Ten million dollars! I want a job at Jabot. They have some crazy benefits. That probably only extends to the Abbotts though. I wonder if they will adopt me.

It is pretty funny to think that Victor and Billy were actually working together against Victoria. Billy didn't care he was unintentionally Victor's pawn, and why should he? Victoria had taken away the job Billy loved in his family business, right along with his pride. She pretty much left him with nothing. When he was pursuing the passkey project, Billy thought he had found a way to take care of his family forever. But Victoria made it impossible to provide for his family at all. Still, it's pretty weird that Victor gave Billy the shovel to bury Victoria. And that Billy used it.

Wow, Stitch's son, Max, is one scary kid. And I don't mean the cool kind of Michael Jackson "Bad," complete with the white, gloved hand on the crotch and accompanied with some nifty moves and an aerodynamic moonwalk. I am referring to the knee-shaking, need-to-have-eyes-in-the-back-of-your-head type scary. And Max is just downright frightening. The look in his eyes, when Abby took her tumble down the stairs, pretty much said it all. Sometimes, bad is bad, and Max could be its poster child. And Huey Lewis could sing his theme song.

However, Ben and Abby had better heed the words of MJs song, "I know your game, what you're about." They seriously need to come up with a new game plan, because theirs is clearly not working. But I doubt if they've ever dealt with this kind of evil before. Max had absolutely no remorse over being the cause of the unborn baby's death. He could have killed Abby too, but then he probably would have been jumping for joy. The couple in mourning had better wise up fast, because Abby is still very much the bullseye of Max's target. You could almost hear the demon child thinking, "One down, one to go." He's wicked to the core.

Just think-- if Max were to succeed in eliminating Abby, he would then be a serial killer. I have always heard a person starts developing into a serial killer when he or she is young. The signs are usually there, but this is crazy. Max didn't even bother to take the time to develop into a murderer. He just jumped right into it, feet first. Or would that be Abby's feet, since hers were the ones tangled up, as she tripped over the wire Max had strung across the stairway? It seemed the goal of Ben's son was to become a two-time killer, at the very least. Maybe Stitch was also on his son's people-to-wipe-off-the-face-of-the-earth list. But would that even be enough to finally satisfy Max's thirst for what? For revenge? For retaliation? For blood? For the thrill of it? Oh, how Dexter-ish!

Really, does Ben's sinister son think all of his problems will disappear and everything will be coming up roses, if Ashley were his stepmom instead of her daughter? It's highly unlikely. Max's radar only went to Ashley, because she was Abby's mother. Ashley was the perfect weapon to use against his nave stepmom. Okay, let's say Max had succeeded in replacing Abby with Ashley. Who do you think would be next on his hit list? Maybe this was his way of getting even with his father -- by attacking everything his dad loved. It's pretty sneaky and a good strategy. The kid's no dummy. Actually, he's been very clever, since no one had caught on to his dirty deed.

But wait...Abby was very suspicious that Max was behind her sudden fall and didn't waste any time vocalizing it. And, of course, Ben didn't believe her, but he should have. Max was being so nice to Abby, like a child who knew he was in trouble and was trying to find a way out of it. Later, Dylan tried to comfort Abby by saying, "Losing a baby, no matter when or how, can push anybody over the edge." Hold onto that thought, Dylan. You may be in danger of getting a very big shove.

Luckily, Ashley will have her handy-dandy advice to help keep her safe from the potential juvenile delinquent. Jack actually credited Ashley with saying, "Life is too short to focus on people's bad behavior." Somehow, I think Ashley would be singing a different tune, if she knew of the harm Max had caused her daughter. She also stated to Abby, "Sometimes in life, awful things just happen." Yes, Ashley, and sometimes, evil little boys cause the bad stuff to happen. It's time for Ashley to see behind the sweet and innocent faade Max has created. But until then, Ashley will have her words of wisdom to give her comfort. Who knew she was such a gifted philosopher?

Hopefully, Ashley will also continue to have protection from the monstrous mini-Ben, as long as Simon is around. And Dr. Neville is no "Simple Simon." Seriously, nothing on a soap is simple. Can you imagine a soap character declaring how tired she is or how frustrated because he had a bad day at work? Wouldn't that be incredibly boring? Simple pleasures are the best. Remember that old Van Camps' Pork and Beans jingle? Shoot, those past ad writers would have nothing on Ian. I still love his Chelsea 2.0 ditty. Yes, today's commercial writers could learn a lesson or two from Ian Ward. Maybe Ian could give up his life of crime and because a famous jingle writer, which was how Barry Manilow got started. But that's probably not enough of a challenge for him. Ian's no simpleton either.

In Genoa City, since there is no such thing as a simple pleasure, such as taking a romantic stroll along the beach or watching one's favorite singer win "American Idol," our beloved characters must take anything they can get. And there's not much getting these days -- however Hilary made sure she was one of the people who got whatever she could take. She's just one nasty person. Hilary's got blackmail down to an art and a science. Neil's reasons for letting her remain on the foundation board were flimsy, at best, but what could he do with the devil incarnate, Hilary, holding his freedom over his head? I guess Neil decided eating all of the lab glass shards were preferable to rotting away in a jail cell -- like Victor. See, all the roads still lead back to Victor.

Hilary must like biting the hand that feeds her. For some reason, she seemed to believe there would be no miracle cure without her, when Simon was the one who could make it all happen. Ashley wasn't kidding, when she said Hilary had "a huge, massive, social climbing ego." Actually, that would be an understatement. Then, Hilary had the nerve to hold a press conference and announce that Simon and Ashley were to blame for pushing the failed lab experiment through. Unbelievable. Well, you can say one good thing about Hilary. She's not boring.

Hilary and Jack were so buddy-buddy at the Athletic Club, how long will it take for those two to take a flying leap right into the sack? And we know it's only a matter of time before Billy and Phyllis reach out and grab what they want, which would be each other. That would make Victoria the odd one out. It seems her strategy to force Billy to turn to his family, once she yanked away his job at Jabot, has totally backfired.

Okay, the Chelsea 2.0 lyrics by Ian were really cute. But the Natalie 2.0 thing was just really overdoing it. Natalie was right, when she referred to the phrase as being a programming joke from 2003. That may have been a slight exaggeration, but really, enough is enough. Either way you slice it, Kevin loves Natalie's new, "hot" look as well as the big bucks Natalie had given him from the passkey profits. A new suit? Check. A new 1968 Corvette Stingray? Check. I can't say I blame him about the Stingray. When I was young, that's the car I always wanted to own too. I still don't have one, and I doubt if I ever will. Those little buggers are just too pricey.

Mariah's jealousy was sure showing through for Michael's dorky, little brother. Michael's such a good guy. You always need one of those on a soap -- a normal one that has not already been declared a superhero (i.e. Paul or Dylan.) Mariah may regret that she ever let Kevin into her heart. She probably wished she could go back to being the cold and untrusting girl she once was, when she first arrived into town. Those types of barriers were good for warding off the pain. But they also prevented Mariah from having any kind of love in her life. Mariah deserves someone to love and who will love her right back, whether it be Kevin or not.

I have to give some credit to Kevin though. He could have taken advantage of Natalie, who was more than eager to let him sample some of her curvy software, but he was totally the gentleman. There doesn't seem to be too many chivalrous men around like that these days. But Kevin probably guessed Natalie would regret her actions the next morning, so he backed off. Either that, or maybe he cares more for Mariah than he has been willing to admit. Men can be so hush-hush about their feelings.

So, Summer traded in Kyle for a nice, new, shiny Luca, who was not quite as flashy as Kevin's Stingray. And even though it's no secret I am not a Kyle fan, I wouldn't exactly call it an upgrade. But this couple should prove to be more interesting than the snoozefest that was Summer and Kyle. So, we all waved a fond farewell to Kyle, who will move on with his life in another city. Here's hoping Jack's son gets what he wants in life, and if and when he does return, Kyle will bring more intrigue than what he's ever offered before.

Nikki joked to Dylan that she and Sully only needed one bottle for the two of them. Ha, good one, Nikki!

I almost felt I needed to take a breath for Mariah, when she chattered about the geek girl with the pretty underwear, who strikes it rich, has a make-over, wants to go dancing and then hashtags about Kevin's butt. Whew, that was quite a mouthful!

I had to laugh when Phyllis said Victor was on a ten year vacation. That was funny.Leave it to Hilary to see herself as the victim, as she whined to Jack about how the screw-ups like Billy or the bad guys like Victor, who both had no loyalty, no honor and had made no sacrifice, were the ones to get all the attention. Boo hoo.

Until next time, please stay tuned.Teddi

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