Dishonorable dames

When they're bad, they're downright despicable.

When they're bad, they're downright despicable. One such contemptible creature and the object of my unrelenting ridicule is resident troublemaker, Chloe. I simply can't stand her. So I guess that means she's doing her job. As the week began, Chloe continued to show her softer side, but it didn't reduce my revulsion in the least. Because, despite the simpering smirk on her scheming face, the outline of the scales on her snake skin were still clearly visible. Of course, she can afford to be nicer now that she's gotten everything she wanted and more. She's got Cane eating out of her hands like one of those goats at the zoo, who spend their days gobbling quarters' worth of feed out of little kids' palms. Esther stays in gushing grandmother mode. And while Jill is not nearly as demonstrative as her grandma-to-be counterpart, she, too, has fully accepted Chloe as one of the family. Even Billy has thawed considerably toward the little gremlin, bearing baby I love New York gifts. But, me, I'm in need of a little soap justice. I don't mind the bad girls; in fact daytime would be unwatchable without them. But half the fun of seeing them weave their wicked web around their prey is the anticipation of the joy I'll feel when their day of payback arrives and they wind up hopelessly entangled in their own snare.

Unfortunately, when it comes to Chloe, I'm not at all certain I'll be content with her comeuppance. Because even if Cane boots her little caboose to the concrete curb once he learns the depth of her deception, Billy may be all too eager to retrieve the reins big brother has cast to the ground, especially if the little seed Chloe carries remains intact. And Esther's Mommy love isn't likely to decrease no matter what her deceitful little darling has done. She'll be too gaga over little Katherine and too guilt-ridden for all the Mommy deeds she herself failed to carry out. As for Jill, I bet she could care less how much trickery the tart employed, after all, in her heyday, she pulled quite a number of underhanded tricks to trap her men into captivity.

I know I'm probably being unreasonable, but I would hate to see Chloe get to live happily ever after when she so determinedly and purposely set out to ruin so many lives. I could understand if she had done all that she did out of a helpless, undeniable love for Cane. That, at least, would make her plan more palatable. But she didn't (and doesn't) really even care about Cane. So she could have left Cane and Lily alone and saddled Billy with her wee one from the beginning. For her crime, I want Chloe to end up both baby and man-less. What I definitely don't want to see is Cane falling for Chloe, and Billy falling for his baby and Chloe, but only after Lily has fallen for him.

At this point, even though Billy knows the truth and isn't man enough to step up to the plate and assume his father-to-be responsibilities, I'm rooting for him and Lily, although it seems pointless given the fact that he knows he's Chloe's baby daddy. Because I'm afraid he'll eventually feel the pull of Papa-hood and woe to Lily if she's been foolish enough to have fallen for the cad. Besides, even though my opinion could change, depending on the scribes' script, right now the Lily-Cane pairing has been tainted for me. Both Cane and Lily were much too gullible and accepting concerning the questionable DNA results. They gave their love away without even a tiny tussle to keep it, so perhaps they deserve to be apart.

Of course, Chloe is a rank amateur when placed beside GC's finest and most experienced manipulator, Phyllis Newman. Hammer in hand; Phyllis has repeatedly pounded nails into the coffin of Jack and Sharon's marriage. Not that I can place all the blame on Phyllis since Jack had already damaged the wood to a near unrepairable extent. But it seems Phyllis won't be satisfied until that union has expired and is well on its way to the hot place. And to hopefully give it a good shove to send it there, Phyllis summoned Brad on New Year's Eve to assist her in her dirty work. But, disproving Phyllis' oft-touted claim that Sharon always needs a man to prop her up, Sharon showed no interest in investing in anything her prop had to offer. And for that, Sharon got a round of applause from me. By the way, Phyllis' insecurities continue to show with her gift of a GPS system to Nick. And maybe it was just me who thought so, but Phyllis seemed to accept her diamond bracelet with about as much enthusiasm as one would greet a Cracker Jack prize, and Nick eyed his GPS with a decided lack of excitement. If there is any soap justice, I'm guessing it won't be long before Nick finally catches a glimpse of the real Phyllis. I can hardly wait.

Speaking of applause, even though many fans are fond of pointing to Sharon's every stumble as an example of her Saint Slut-hood, Sharon showed she can still be a class act, and got a standing O from me for her performance this week. Unlike so many other soap sirens, who often don't hesitate to sink their claws into what really isn't theirs to claim, Sharon did the right thing by returning the Abbott manse to the rightful Abbott hands.

The third despicable daytime dame to merit my mockery is, of course, Olivia. And I would bet my last buck that I was not the sole fan in the world screeching like an unbalanced banshee at the TV, while tossing every soft object I could get my hands on at her likeness. What a hateful hag this woman continues to be. Who quit and put her in charge of Neil's marital joy? And what makes her so sure he's eager to wed a Dru clone? Even if he was, what the heck makes her think Tyra is the drama mama who fits the bill? I've known Tyra longer than Olivia has and I've seen neither hide nor hair of that fire Olivia is convinced Tyra is hiding from the world. Karen might not be Miss Excitement on the surface, although I do like her, but Tyra doesn't seem to be a moth-drawing flame either. Maybe Olivia does have Neil's best interests at heart, although she's been away for so long, she can hardly claim to know him as well as she insists. But Neil is not the same man she used to know. As for Olivia, however, she certainly hasn't changed much. Because this interfering busybody is the same Olivia who once felt it was okay to tumble into bed with the married to her best bud, Brad. I'm with fan Carolyn below. If this is all the scribes intend for Olivia to do, I say bid this babe a not so fond farewell.

As much as I find little to root for in Tyra, she does deserve her props for refusing to follow Olivia's cockamamie counsel. Liv already went out of her way to let Neil know Tyra was both interested and a better fit for him, but I didn't see him racing to Tyra's side. So what makes Olivia think Tyra was going to convince the man to dump his betrothed and marry her instead? And, on top of that, if Neil had done as Olivia suggested, then I guess Ana would have gone to strangers, because I thought the whole reason for relegating her to foster care was because Child Services refused to release her to Tyra. But, of course, Olivia didn't think of that. I guess she thought Tyra would be so anxious to get her hands on Neil that she would forsake the child she claims to live for.

The fourth and final despicable dame of the week is Jill. Another hateful hag in action. Yes, I know. It would be a bit hard to accept the reality of Katherine magically coming back to life. But in my opinion, Jill gave it a whole lot less than the good old college try. Another, yes I know, it was handled that way for the sake of a more compelling (and longer) story, but to have the woman arrested without even looking for a little token proof was cruel, even for Jill. A woman as rich as Katherine would practically have her dentist and doctor on speed dial. So it would have been a simple matter to have those pearly whites checked instead of just rejecting her claim right out of hand. I don't know about any of you, but I couldn't help but feel sorry for Katherine, hustled out of her own home in handcuffs, Marge's old coat thrown at her head in the hallway. Like fan Carolyn, I can't wait for the coming confrontation between Mother and Daughter Chancellor when the truth finally comes out. Funny, Jill, who has known Kay practically all of her adult life, instantly disbelieved and rejected Kay, not even trying to check out her story, yet Gloria, who knew her for all of a few years, and after two minutes of conversation, easily acknowledged the woman sharing her cell was Kay. Speaking of that jail, has Genoa City jail suddenly instituted a no-touch policy? We've seen visitors streaming in and out of that place, hugging, kissing, even slapping their sons upside the head, but Kay and Murphy can't even get a quick platonic peck on the cheek at arrival and departure?

Of course, it's not just the dames that are despicable in this town. A few of the men folk residing here have some unattractive traits as well. Like Jack. With Gloria's arrest and confession to tainting the cream, Jack can finally return to Jabot and, despite Billy's attempt to keep him out, he wasted no time doing exactly that. Of course, if Victor has anything to do with things, Jack's reign will be short-lived. But, forget about Victor. Because Jack's worst enemy is not Victor. It's his own wayward, uncontrollable tongue. Jack never seems to meet a bad situation he can't open his mouth and make eminently worse. Which was exactly what he couldn't stop himself from doing during a chance meeting with Victor. Jack doesn't make it easy to feel any sympathy on his behalf, when much of what he gets, he brings directly upon himself.

And then there's Victor. Now that he's decided to retake the Newman reins, Nick is right to wonder which Victor persona will be running the Newman show. Because Victor, for all his bellowing and belly-aching, is no better than the man he detests. He is fully prepared to sabotage his own romance with Ashley, so intent is he on revenging himself against Jack. So much for that line he constantly spouts about keeping his business vendettas separate from his personal ones. Now, because he so hates Jack, he would scheme to give Jabot back to Jill, a woman who should already have more than enough to keep her busy with at Chancellor. And at the same time take it away from the woman he allegedly loves, and it's her family company to boot. Victor doesn't want anyone outside the family (or inside it for that matter) running his empire, at least not for long, yet he obviously sees nothing wrong in taking Ashley's away from her. But Victor's always been a bit of a chauvinist. He probably feels Ashley should be content to tinker with test tubes in the lab instead of being front and center in the CEO seat. The man is indeed a disgraceful despot. Shame on him. And I will be the first to laugh uproariously when Ashley leaves the evil old thing.

I'm not too impressed with Paul either. I know Heather is not well-liked by fans. With her ever-worsening case of extreme tunnel vision and her tendency to fly off the handle and flounce off in petulant fury. But Paul isn't always the upstanding PI he pretends to be and hasn't been the best example of a Papa. Right or wrong, he has smashed Heather to the floor and left shoe prints on her back in his haste and zeal to protect Nikki and Victor, yet he isn't above bending or outright breaking the law when he deems the situation calls for it. He may claim to always follow the letter of the law in his pursuit of the truth, but he's not above scribbling outside the lines while playing protector.

Much like Michael when it comes to Gloria. No, Gloria might not be responsible for killing Emma Gibson, but clearly the law has her dead to rights when it comes to tampering with the product. Michael knows it; just as he knows he and his family did everything they could to cover her crime. He knew when he was railroading Jack right out of the executive suite that it was his mommy who deserved to be shown the door, but he didn't hesitate to feed Jack piece by piece to the wolves anyway.

Now I'm not saying Jack hasn't done plenty on his own to earn the enmity of the Fisher-Baldwin clan, but I just hate when Michael turns all bellowing self-righteousness when he's far in the wrong. Paul and Michael have both proven they will place themselves above the law, but still get up most mornings and shrug into their honorable shirts when their actions are often anything but.

Jana is back. And not a second too soon. I already like her better this way. With all her talk of cosmic karma and auras and keeping the spirits happy, I expected her to start burning incense and telling fortunes. I can't wait to see what mischief the Fishers get up to. Let the games begin.

Well, although there is always more that can be said, now seems like as good a place as any to stop. For 2009, I must say I have to agree with the hype. I do believe the best IS yet to come. And like you, I'll be watching to see if it's true.

Okay, fans, your turn on the podium with your picks of pluses and minuses. See ya next week.

* * * * * * *

Anita - I love Phyllis. She is so smart and talented. I don't like Sharon. She always wants so much attention and is wishy-washy. Get rid of Amber.

Santa - I think the actor that plays Michael Baldwin is great and should be in movies. He's very believable.

Helen - The December 26 episode was absolutely stupid. I love the show and have watched from the beginning.

Bonita - I'm so happy to see Gloria get what she deserves. I'm sick of Chloe. She deserves to raise that baby all by herself. My wish for 2009 is that is that Cane finds out about the baby and Lily doesn't take him back because he such a spineless wimp. Phyllis deserves to lose Nick. She stole him from Sharon and I hope Summer is really Jack's daughter. We need some new storylines.

Vivien - My worst pick is the Tyra storyline. Thank goodness for TiVo, which means I never have to watch this mess unfold. I know only what I read in the recaps, and that's more than I need or can stomach.

Helen - Each time I see Tyra and/or Ana on the screen I change channels. They are offensive to me, including the singing. She must be related to someone on the show to have such a big part.

Sandy - This situation with Katherine in jail is so dumb! Could someone just have her fingerprints or DNA checked? I know it's just soap, but these writers could be a little more believable!

Kevin - They had almost no evidence against Adam, but then the guy and his daughter arrive from Mexico and that means Adam is guilty? So I guess anyone that asked about Victor is guilty, including Paul and Nikki. It doesn't make sense.

Vikki - Getting rid of Brad is a big mistake! If he's killed off I'm done with Y&R. A better plan would be to get rid of Tyra, her annoying daughter and Olivia too. In fact, get rid of that whole storyline. If you want to spice things up, bring back Dru. You could also get rid of 'feel sorry for myself' Lily, Eden, Colleen, Billy, Ashley and Heather. Come on Y&R. I love you. Get with the program. I don't want to have to quit watching as you are like family. It won't be the same without Brad.

Angela - I'm really impressed with Billy Abbott. Lily is a masochist. I could care less if Chloe tells the truth. It won't help lame Lily. Brad being killed off sucks - the man is beautiful to look at. Karen and Neil are not going to make it. They look like they're trying too hard to look happy.

lmfan - Tracey Bregman is recurring rather than contract. She has said she can work five days a week and carry a heavy story, but likes the freedom recurring gives her. Tracey wants Lauren to get more edgy and be involved with her business more, but loves her pairing with Michael. For much of the years Michael and Lauren were mere props for other characters and that was a waste. They deserve their own story. As far as Michael being a hypocrite, the only one I see him judging recently is Jack and they both dislike each other. He also doesn't happily support his mother's schemes. He gets furious with her, but Michael has always been loyal to a fault to his family, friends and clients. River was nothing but a sperm donor to Michael. There is a big difference between his mother and River, who just happens to be his biological father. The bigger hypocrites to me are that diary forging, lying to his wife and family Jack Abbott and You Got That, Victor Newman.

Carolyn - Why is Adam the only one behind bars for the forged diary scam? Scumbag Jack Abbott needs to don jail attire as well. Jack is still walking around smug as ever, throwing around his little barbs at Victor, throwing his weight around at Jabot. When will he get his just due? I guess I can get a little satisfaction out of the fact that he spent Christmas all by his lonesome! Gloria is in jail and is still scheming. She hasn't learned one thing! Wouldn't Michael representing Gloria constitute a conflict of interest, as he is her son? I would hate to see Fen torn from the arms of his mother and father, but it would serve all of the Baldwin/Fisher clan right if it were found out they all knew what Gloria had done and did nothing about it! It would be great to see John give Gloria what-for about the harm she caused to a company he built and one she claims means so much to her! It was sad to see Katherine get arrested, but in defense of Jill (as hard as that is), I wouldn't have been so quick to believe that the mother I had buried had come back to life either! I can't wait until Jill finds out that the woman she had arrested really IS Katherine Chancellor! What must-see TV that will be! Lastly, what is up with Olivia? Why is she pushing Tyra to get with Neil? I don't see this supposed chemistry between Tyra and Neil that Olivia claims is there! Did Karen do something to Olivia to cause her to try to break Neil and Karen up? If the only reason TPTB brought Olivia back is to be a home-wrecking busybody, then I say send her back where she came from!

And last, but not least, a little fan humor:

Kozmonat - Y&R episode #986134: "Driving Miss Crazy: The Cane Ashby Story" - deleted scene. Setting: Ashby house; Christmas day. (Cane & Chloe sitting on the couch) Chloe: Caaaney! Looky looky at what I did! I took a whole bunch of tampons and knitted them into a scarf just for you! Knitting is so fascinating. That makes me fascinating. Aren't I the most perfectly fascinating wife ever? Cane: (clapping) Hercules! Hercules! Chloe: Next I'm going to knit Billy a tampon scarf that matches his eyes and hair and skin and height and weight and birth marks and zodiac sign and pee color to perfection. Aren't I the most perfect sister-in-law ever? Cane: (bouncing and clapping) Hercules! Hercules! Chloe: Now go be a dear and get me some more tampons. I also have to knit the baby a bootie call ... I mean, bootie sock! Aren't I the most perfect mother ever?