The walking dead: A.J. Quartermaine is alive and tanned

A.J. Quartermaine returned, just as Jason was killed. Some may say it's revolving Quartermaines, but the storyline possibilities are endless. Michael may finally get to know his father, and the Quartermaine house may finally get a resident for one of those numerous bedrooms. Hopefully, A.J. brought a bullet-proof vest with him. Sonny and Carly are not going to take this resurrection well. Get ready for a one-way ticket to Port Charles in this week's Two Scoops.

People just don't come back from the dead -- unless you live in Port Charles. The resurrection rate there is pretty darn good. Just ask Jerry, Lucky, Anna, Robert, Jax, Brenda, Luke, Duke, or any other characters who have "died" only to be resurrected for a new storyline.

The last minute of Friday's show was a jaw-dropper. The surprise was so good that they probably heard my squeals as far away as Port Charles, when a familiar face came through the Quartermaine door. Hello, A.J. Quartermaine! He is looking fierce.

At least I think it was A.J. Quartermaine. Rumors are running rampant that Sean Kanan could be playing a recast Jason or that Kanan's character is a ghost. I hope neither of those things is true. I'm going with my gut that Kanan is, in fact, playing A.J. I assume that Monica has helped him stay hidden from killer Sonny and soul-killer Carly all these years. Hey, I totally buy it. There is nothing a mother won't do to protect her kids.

With A.J. back in town, the storyline possibilities boggle the mind. Will it come out that Carly drugged and doused A.J. with booze, making him think he'd fallen off the wagon? Will Michael learn that Sonny hung A.J. on a meat hook and tortured him to sign away his parental rights to Michael? Will Michael learn that Jason, Carly, and Sonny conspired to keep him away from the "oh-so-evil-Quartermaines"? (Note the sarcasm, please.) One can only hope.

It is time Michael finally knew the truth about the ugliness surrounding his birth. I've never forgiven Carly and Jason for removing Michael from the Quartermaine nest. (I've not forgiven the writers, either, for the hatchet job done to the core Quartermaine family in the last two decades.) Michael's involvement in Sonny's world ended up sending him to prison, and we all know how horrifically that ended.

Maybe A.J.'s return is the first step in returning the spotlight to the Quartermaine family. No, there aren't many of them left, but I'm hoping that changes soon. (I found it odd that in Monica's photo album, the first page had a photo of Alan and Ned. Shouldn't Monica's photo have shared the page with Alan?) We also heard several mentions of Ned and Dylan this week from Tracy. I've been begging for years to get these two Quartermaine men back home where they belong, and perhaps I'm reaching, but I hope those mentions were foreshadowing at its best.

The only way this A.J. storyline is a bust for me is if the writers take this character in the wrong direction and make him the evil villain that Carly, Sonny, and Jason have always argued that A.J. was. Please, writers, find A.J.'s layers. He wasn't always a bad guy.

I'm begging here, please, please, please don't make A.J. a slime this time around. The Quartermaine men have never been saints, and I certainly don't want A.J. to become one either. It's time Michael had a chance to get to know his real father; one who I hope has matured in this last decade.

This Kate/Connie storyline is one hot mess, but wow is Connie good for a laugh. "You used to bang a hooker," she deadpanned to Michael, telling him to lighten up after he resisted her sexual advances. Priceless. I'm so sick of this storyline, but I must admit that Connie makes me howl.

Well, so much for redeeming Joe Scully. I could not have been more wrong about the guy. It's a shame. I loved his character. He seemed to have layers. I was so thrilled to finally see Tracy getting some attention instead of running after an ungrateful Luke, who can't seem to stop panting over Anna. Tracy finally had some meaty scenes and a love interest that seemed to genuinely love her. (Cough, cough, Luke Spencer.) I was hoping that Sonny's rantings about Joe's evil ways were of the A.J. variety and completely exaggerated. But, as Scully shot poor Bernie in cold blood, it was clear that Joe was an evil gangsta. Rest in peace, Joe. (Or wherever characters go until they may be resurrected.)

Speaking of the dead, I'm trying not to dwell on the fact that Jason is literally swimming with the fishes. I love Steve Burton so much. His shoes cannot be filled. Like Sam, I'm still in denial -- or possibly just numb -- to all the death in Port Charles.

Here's my theory, and no, it's not based on genius Spinelli's water current trends and weather calculations, but instead, years of soap opera storytelling patterns. It wouldn't surprise me if a cargo ship picked up Jason out at sea and that he is suffering from amnesia, which could continue for many years until he is recast, or until Steve Burton wants to reprise his role. This is Port Charles, after all. The dead don't stay dead. It's not denial, Scoopers, just a fact.

If Jason returns, I just hope it's with all his Quartermaine memories. What could be better than Jason and A.J. reconciling, finally dealing with the drunk-driving accident, and remembering that they used to be close brothers? Nothing, in my opinion. I'm not sure that scenario works with a recast though, because Kanan and Burton have so much history, and they look so much alike that they could be brothers in real life.

Go, Carly. I was cheering her on for calling Sonny out on his lack of emotion for Jason's death. She chastised Sonny for taking a whole two minutes to mourn his best friend that gave his life for Sonny's business. It's a rare day when I agree with anything Carly says, but she was spot-on with this assessment.

Welcome back, Diane! I had forgotten how much I missed her acerbic wit. She finally found a worthy verbal sparring partner in Todd Manning. I was laughing out loud as Todd bemoaned her legal fees this week, while she called him Lucifer. That said, I want to punch Diane for not revealing Daniel's paternity as Todd instructed her to do. I knew Diane often looked the other way to her clients' illegal acts, but hiding a baby's paternity seemed beneath her.

The opening shot of Tuesday's show with Mac and Shawn in their boxers was a hoot. I'm sorry to dwell on the shallow, but is anyone else here impressed that a guy who has been on this show as long as Mac still has guns and abs like that? Incredible. And Shawn, well, I think Ellie said it for us all when she told Damian, "That man has extremely well developed pectorals, and those biceps are astonishing. Those are some nice arms."

It's clear that Mac is still delicious eye candy, but why, oh why, doesn't he get more to do than play strip pool? Sometimes, I feel this show takes so many of these long-term actors for granted. Mac can do more than fluff, people!

Let's talk chemistry test for Patrick. The ladies are circling this widower, and I don't know what to make of it. Britt and Sabrina are both smitten. And then there is Elizabeth. She hasn't shown romantic interest in Patrick or anyone else, because she is still in love with Jason. However, she did ignite some real sparks this week, scolding Patrick for his angry outburst about Jason's death. Patrick and Elizabeth showed passion in those scenes, and I couldn't look away. Even after Patrick apologized, Elizabeth didn't cave in to his charm. "Thank you, Dr. Drake," she said coolly before exiting. Snap!

Putting Patrick in another romance is tough for viewers. We know that Robin isn't dead, so it's hard to get on board with him finding love again. Neither Britt nor Sabrina has been fleshed out enough yet to make a determination on whether or not they have Patrick potential. The other single ladies in Patrick's orbit are Maxie and Elizabeth, but I'm not sure either of them is a good candidate either. What do you think, Scoopers? Are you ready for Patrick to move on, and if so, with whom? Send me an email and let me know your thoughts.

Tracy is in my doghouse this week. She was just cruel to Monica when Monica was mourning Jason. Tsk, tsk, Tracy. Bringing up Monica's failures as a parent as she was trying to accept the death of her son was malevolent. I thought Tracy and Monica had moved beyond this kind of pettiness and into somewhat of a friendship. I guess not.

I wanted to hug Monica when she wept that she was all alone now. She's right, God -- or the writes in this case -- has been beyond cruel to her. Killing Alan, A.J., Emily, Jason, and soon-to-be-Edward, is heartwrenching. I also wanted to hug Michael when he told Monica that she isn't alone. I just hope that it doesn't get back to Carly and Sonny that Michael is spending time at the Quartermaines', or they might kidnap him again. Yes, I'm still bitter.

Condolences to Lulu on not being able to carry a baby full term. This will be a test for her and Dante, and I'm interested to see where it leads. Will this news send Lulu spiraling back to the bottle, or will it bring her and Dante closer than ever?

You can smell the stereotypes a mile away, but I'm still kind of interested in bad-girl-doctor Britt versus diamond-in-the-rough Cinderella, oops, I mean Sabrina. I think Britt needs to get schooled by Epiphany a couple times to take her off her high horse.

Duke, or whoever he is, was looking good this week. But I think he just became the most hated man in daytime by killing one of Port Charles's most beloved characters. (Missing you already, Stone Cold.) New "Duke's" fingerprints match Duke Lavery's, but it's hard for me to believe that the Duke we all knew could be so cold.

I love it when I'm happily surprised, and that's what happened this week with Trey. He was killing me, holding his dead father. I've never been particularly interested in this kid, but he showed real depth and emotion this week, mourning his father and trying to understand this mess with Kate. More please.

Was anyone else yelling at Felicia to shut up, when she was yammering on to Spinelli and Ellie about not giving up on true love? If she only knew how cold Maxie has been to Spinelli, maybe she wouldn't have been so condescending.

Raise your hand if you are enjoying Damian lately. He seemed so mature threatening Todd. I like confident Damian. It's refreshing. And I like him with Ellie. She's sweet.

"I don't trust anyone who rides a bicycle." Oh, Todd Manning, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. From criticizing the Forever stamp to criticizing cyclists everywhere, your sarcasm never fails to entertain.

(Carly walks in on Connie straddling Todd's lap.) Carly: "Do you ever get enough?" Connie: "Says the biggest tramp in town."

(Luke plucked a hair from Duke's head, hoping to run a DNA test.) Anna: "That sample hair isn't going to give you anything."Luke: "Oh, he wears a rug? I should have known." (Later) Anna: "You yanked his hair out for nothing." Luke: "I gotta say, the man's pain tolerance is that of a gnat."

(Carly tells Connie that Jason is dead.)Connie: "Get out. Stone Cold is stone cold? How's that for poetic justice, huh?"

(Duke goes to the Haunted Star to ask Lulu for a job.)Luke: "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, you had to come into my daughter's?" Duke to Lulu: "I used to have my own club here in Port Charles. You may have heard of it. It was called Duke's." Luke: "Oh, Creative."

(Spinelli chastises Diane for helping Todd.)Diane: "You know you've sunk pretty low when the tech guy for the mob questions your principles."

As always, I love hearing your thoughts, too. So keep them coming! Here's what other fans are saying -- and remember to share your thoughts with me, and you may see them pop up in my next column. Thanks!

• I'm distraught that Jason on GH is gone. They must bring him back! Nobody can replace Steve Burton. - Debra

• I have mixed feelings about Jason's departure from the show. I wished they had done some scenes where he found out he was Danny's father. I enjoyed watching (Sam and Jason) interact with the baby. -- Ingrid

• I can't believe I didn't see it until now, but the GH writers left us a MAJOR clue that Duke was involved in Robin's kidnapping. When Duke faked his death in the explosion in 1989, he left behind his wedding ring for Anna to find so she'd believe he died. When Robin's lab exploded, they "found" her wedding ring on the body so Patrick would "know" it was her. They had Duke written all over this! -- Rebekah

That's all for now, Scoopers. See ya next time!Jennifer