You're the one that I want

Be it love, lust, or loathing, everyone in Salem seemed to have somebody in their crosshairs. Li has a loathsome plan. Xander and Sarah had their eyes set on Gwen, while Chad targeted the Tooth Fairy. Alex was all in on Chanel -- and Allie! Jada seems smitten with Eric, and Nicole's noticing that, too. Plus, Johnny and Ava got an eyeful of each other. Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey! So, tell me about it all in DAYS Two Scoops!

So, what do you get when you combine Chad, Thomas, Sarah, Xander, Clyde, Nancy, Brady, and Chloe? A solved case! Ba dum tss. But really, folks...

That's not so much of a punchline as it is a loose fact at the moment. While I don't believe Gwen or Leo went all stabby on Abby, the dream team mentioned above certainly gained more headway than the Salem P.D. in cracking the case. Sarah and Xander determined Gwen was the one that they want, while Chad locked eyes on Leo. Let's discuss!

First, Sarah and Xander continued their hilarious Hepburn and Grant style sleuthing. These two need a Bringing Up Baby dream sequence. That's all I'm saying. Nevertheless, they got some good info on Gwen's possibly evil deeds and took some time for a roll, roll, roll in za hay. Or two. Possibly three. They were pretty hot for one another.

Meanwhile over at FroYo, Thomas spotted the "Tooth Fairy," prompting Chad to drag Leo into the police station. I was literally waiting for Chad's baby blues to turn flaming red like Superman (or perhaps Homelander, in this case) and laser through Leo. Of course, when not Weekend at Bernie-ing bodies all over Salem or falsely claiming to be the baby daddy, "Letter of the Law" Rafe just "had to" let Leo go. He couldn't have come up with something to stall Leo's departure? Thankfully, Clyde came in to confess what he knew. At least, I think he was going to confess. We were cliffhung.

Still, c'mon, po-po. They're serving up weak sauce. While they're chatting about their love lives, citizens are solving their cases. I am all for following the letters of the law, but a little creative thinking to solve a caper wouldn't hurt, especially in Salem where things like masks, brainwashing, microchips, doppelgngers, and, oh, right, Satan can be in play at any moment. This kind of tomfoolery isn't a surprise party. It happens all the time. It's even happened to the 'commish. Remember Fafe (a.k.a. Arnold Feniger), Rafe? Again, c'mon!

Speaking of bad guys getting away with things. Well. Well. Well. Look who's shady now. I knew Li couldn't be trusted. He was just too perfect. Now we know that was a ruse, and he's been keeping a Stefan-sized secret for years.

That is, Li's the one who was literally keeping the lights on for Dr. Rolf as he served his stint in Statesville. Gabi is not going to like this. Nope. Not one bit, especially as she and Rafe had one of their hysterical yet heartwarming big bro/little sis chitchats about being open to love, trust, and sentimental stuff like that.

Though I must side with Li on this one. Not only is his newly discovered dark side fascinating, but the longer Stefan's return is delayed, the happier I'll be, too. I was not a fan the first time around. His relationship with Gabi got me to thaw a tad toward him at the end. There's that. I promise to keep an open mind this time, but the Stefan "Stress the OH!" DiMera schtick is already once again triggering. So, perhaps if Li needs an ally, well, he has my number.

LOOSE ENDS:

Did you hear that bloodcurdling, exasperated scream originating from Seattle!? Yep. That was Dr. Tripp Johnson when he found out Chanel and Allie agreed to go out with Alex. Sources said Mr. Johnson then dashed toward the nearest window while screaming, "I didn't know THAT was an option!" Fortunately, he was not hurt, as he was outside on the sidewalk. He basically bounced off the glass, frightening some nearby pigeons and making the people inside the building laugh.

"He literally died for you, and you dumped him" is a mic drop if there ever was one. Well played, Ava. Sorry, not sorry, Allie, but you can't bounce back from that one. Not without Bo's help, at least.

Also, using Henry was kind of low. Allie needs to check herself. She was the heartbreaker in Tripp's tale. The dude had to break up with himself to stop her from floundering. Kind of a faux flounder, at times. Anyway. Own the truth, Al. It's a better look.

Sure. The foundation of Gabi and Ava's scheme is built on Jell-O, and E.J. already senses the wobbliness of it all, but I'm devouring the deliciousness that is Ava versus E.J. Tamara Braun and Daniel Feuerriegel are both amazing actors and have great cat and mouse sparring chemistry. I suspect the shelf life of this isn't long, but I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

While Chanel and Allie agreed to a date with Alex, Johnny jumped into moving on once he saw a naked Ava. She seemed amused by the entire situation. I mean, if she wanted to stick it to E.J., that would be one way. Though I don't believe everything is as it seems there. Ava has a hot ploy in play. She's a seasoned schemer. I don't think she'd risk the ruse in order to "find some shampoo" with Johnny.

Johnny could also be playing her. He and E.J. have been bonding lately. Perhaps he's hoping to help expose her lies by exposing his, well, DiMera stock. In that house, trust no one.

Regarding trust, I feel a lot like Sonny when it comes to Alex. I want to enjoy spending time with him and trust him. I just know he's a bit of a tool, so it's a bit hard to let my hair, er, heir down and relax around him.

I really want the Alamain side of Stefan and Jake's story told this time around. Quinn Hudson meeting his Frankentwinbrother. Vivian's return! Maybe bring in Scary Larry somehow. If Carly, Nicholas, and Mel made it back, I wouldn't be sad.

DAYS suspension of disbelief has some holes in it. I can believe that a person has been brought back to life with a magical swim cap and an arc reactor, but I have a hard time believing Johnny knew nothing of Chad moving out or that Alex wasn't familiar with Abigail.

I ask this with love and kindness, but what did Shawn expect to happen once Evan discovered he was the father? You'd think he'd have been a bit more prepared for the inevitable. The Evanitable. Anyway. Poor Shawn. At least Belle's returned home to be there for him. There's that, too.

I'm on the fence about the "Shelle" reunion. Brandon Beemer and Martha Madison's chemistry did not miss a beat. It's amazing. The hesitant yet hopeful looks were perfectly played. I love all of that yet worry it's too soon for Shawn and Belle to be "Shelle" again. I hope we get to see them do the leg work. I want more than he's sad and she's done snuggling with Eej. An eventual solid "Shelle" is something I can celebrate via, say, a barbecue in her garden. I'll bring the drinks!

If you "always feel like somebody's watchin' you," it could be Nicole. She's been a bit lurky lately. More on that later, though.

Meanwhile, Eric and Jada had two dates in one day. They're bonding over everything from sushi to dogs to running. She's also moved into a room above the Brady Pub down the hall from Eric. And they haven't had one conversation where Nicole's name hasn't come up. Nope. No red flags there. I wish I could be happy for Eric -- for both of them, really -- but those darn red flags. Well. At least she doesn't have his comatose ex in the basement, so they might have a slight chance. Yay, love!

I love soap guessing games! In this round of "Who dat be!?" hosted by Roman "Wud da Hell!?" Brady, we get to speculate: Who is Jada's ex-spouse!? Have we met him before? Is he a Salemite? First, let's take a look at what we do know...

Ex-hubby is as career driven as Jada, and they saw each other less and less because of that. When they'd find time to be together, they'd argue -- a lot. If she was hot, he was cold. She's a dog person. He likes cats. I'm assuming the animal and not the musical. Eek. That would be grounds for divorce right there, but I digress. So, "Who dat be!?"

Li. Up until his relationship with Gabi, he did seem like all work and no play. Sure, he was playing with Dr. Rolf's science experiments in secret, but that would keep him busy. Too busy for a wife? Perhaps.

Alex. He seems like a go-getter when it comes to business and women. This would kind of make sense, though one would think we'd have heard of their marriage before. Then again, Alex passed his condolences to Chad like he'd never met Abigail. So. It's weird.

Stefan. This guy had an entire life before coming to Salem. He was also held up Lion King-style as the next big bad business mogul, though Vivian and Andre seemed to do all the heavy lifting, but, again, I digress. Stefan could fit the bill.

Rex. It seemed he was with Sarah for a while, but would DAYS pass up the chance to pit the Brady brothers against each other? Rex did pop back into town recently. Should he do it again, will he bump into yet another ex?

Nicholas Alamain. Sure, he's the random wild card option, but an Alamain in Salem often brings excitement.

Orpheus' Unknown Son. A woman Steve loves like a daughter formerly in love with one of his worst enemies' sons!? That's drama! It's definitely not Evan. The only thing he was too busy with was being dumb, but that doesn't mean Milo doesn't have another son. Hmm.

HOT

Remington Hoffman's rocking this shady side of Li! From the mischievous glimmer in his eyes to the commanding "I am the loop," I will not be suggesting fisticuffs with him anytime soon. I'm looking forward to seeing more of Li's dark side!

A bonus "HOT" would certainly be the scenes between Chad, Thomas, and Jennifer. Kleenex was needed, of course, but they were spectacular. More, please.

NOT

Nicole's literally limping around Salem, peering in windows and stating, "I'm stalking you," to Eric. She was teasing him, but the joke's kind of on her right now. This is not a good look for our once fierce, martini-swigging badass Ms. Walker, err, Mrs. Hernandez. I'm surprised she didn't bang her cane on the window and shout, "What are you two doing in there!?"

Also, to double up this "NOT," I'm ready for a new storyline for Rafe. This guy needs a love triangle pause. After the way he acted with Ava, he deserves what he gets with Nicole. Karma and all. A way to cut the cycle might be to dig into Rafe's past for his next storyline. I'm still interested in his dead fiance, Emily Hudson. Her sister Meredith and Mer's trusty brick believed Rafe killed her. He denied it. Yet we never did get absolute clarity on all that, or if Emily was dead-dead or "Salem dead." So, if DAYS is making big changes, this might be another to look into.

LINE(S) OF THE WEEK

Chloe (to Nicole regarding Jada): "She seems lovely for a serial killer."

Rafe (to Gabi): "Okay. Great. Excuse me while I throw myself out that window."

Dr. Rolf (to Li regarding Kristen): "To be frank, that woman scares me!"

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Calm down, Clyde! That was white wine, not acid. Everything will be okay. I repeat, "It will be okay."

I loved Ava bringing up living in the DiMera mansion as much as I loved E.J. referring to John as "RoboJohn," the "brainwashed memory-wipe version." Loved. It. All. Those were some of my favorite DAYS memories of that era.

In fact, one of my all-time favorite DAYS lines was from RoboJohn. It went something like, "Just the average American family. Brainwashed dad, gun-toting mom, married couple who hate each other, a mismatched set of twins, and an evil scientist butler."

RoboJohn and Li'l Clair Bear were the chef's kiss to that era.

I say the following with love. I know Kristen is a full-fledged diva, and a diva's gonna do what a diva's gonna do, but Special K needs to take it down a few notches. Don't be so bitchy to the dude who's brought you back from the dead (and might again in the future). Respect thy Rolf.

Thomas stating, "You, too, cousin Shawn," was adorable.

Do you think that when Eric picks up his dry-cleaning, the clerk asks him how Nicole is doing?

I loved all the bonding time last week. Chloe and Nicole. Rafe and Gabi. Chad and Thomas. Belle and her brothers. Those warm moments are what DAYS does best and an important glimpse into normality amongst the walking dead and duplicitous masks.

You can tell Gwen is a long con kind of gal. She has the worst "deer in the headlights" reaction for anything unplanned.

Of course, the Warden Pettibone was easily hoodwinked. She didn't have a blue office. How official could she be?

I can maybe understand the DiMeras not wanting to board up a room with a nice view of the gardens, but they could at least purchase a new mattress. Cheap is not a good look for rich folks. It's rather a creepy look in this case.

Still, well played, Eej. That's a mind game bonus point right there. And, again, really creepy.

I love that Shawn remembered Marcus.

Nancy looked fierce last week!

Chad and Thomas' hug was heartwarming.

Poor Ava. She didn't get one of those fancy DiMera shares boxes. Then again, she's not a DiMera. So, I guess that's fair.

When E.J. said, "Ah, showtime!" did anyone else tag on, "Synergy!"? Probably just me. I'm truly outrageous like that.

Eric sold Jada on the room in under a minute. Paulina would be wise to reach out to hire him. If he's wearing his sleeveless shirt, he'll sell it all in seconds.

I say this with love, too, but does anyone else think E.J. needs to expand his social circle or really forgive Chad and work on their brotherly bond again. His current best friend is his umpteenth times dead father's portrait. I get it. A nice drink and a chat with Stefano is an occasional treat, but it's only a matter of time until he's referring to himself as "Big Eejie" and forcing Johnny to wear a babushka and dance for him. "DAYS Gardens" instead of Grey Gardens, and all.

PARTING THOUGHTS

So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's it for August 15! I'm definitely not headed down to the DiMera laboratory to pull some random cords to see what happens, but I must run an, um, unexpected errand or two. Laurisa will be back next week with my alibi and a brilliant brand-new Two Scoops! As always, thank you for reading, and "That's a fact." Tony

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