And the whole world has to answer right now

Who would have thought that the way to rescue Salem from a slump of tragedy and terror would be to unleash three killers into the heart of the town? Find out how the terrible trio are finally brightening up the place in this edition of Two Scoops.

I really do love the drama that this prison break is spawning. I like that it pulled in so many of our favorite Salemites, since each of the villains has rivalries with different characters. I even like them with each other! I giggled when Orpheus just ignored Clyde's ramblings and went back to is crossword puzzle.

Sure, the show has to keep reminding us that everyone is totally in present and immediate danger; or at least the type of danger that still allows people to go around town in heels and Bodycon dresses. But, for the sake of the fun, I'll play along.

Plus, hooray for Marlena and Kayla in doctor mode! It made me feel better knowing Kayla's taking care of Abe. And Marlena especially makes me happy when she's in her full Doc glory. I love that she presented the police with easily their best lead by giving a psychological profile of each felon. Not only was it a brilliant way for us to get background on the characters, but the Salem P.D. is in desperate need of anything resembling intelligence.

You almost have to laugh at this point. Rafe's a former FBI agent with "a guy" for pretty much anything. Yet, he and the rest of the Salem P.D. are like Elmer Fudd swinging their arms around only to catch air because that wraskly wrabbit managed to slip away again! (Clyde outrunning J.J.? Really?!)

Their ineptitude coupled with the talks of Joey finding a way to outsmart the villains really had me nervous that we'd seen the last of Cosmo Joe. Thank goodness Theo saved the day. And yes, I'm awarding the credit to Theo. Was it crazy dangerous to walk up to Clyde with a gun? Yes. But in this case, it worked. It distracted Clyde enough for J.J. and Steve to move in.

Chloe isn't taking such chances with her kids, so she's backing up Parker and the bump and heading to New York to stay with Craig and Nancy until the baby is born. But, there's still the little mystery of who switched the test results. I know that Chloe can be daffy, but I doubt that she wouldn't forget sleeping with someone. At least unless I hear that she recently had a bout with hypothermia -- a well-established cause of soap amnesia. (Hi, Claire!)

Sorry, back to the results. My money is on Nancy. She knows her way around a hospital. And, she's the only other person who knows that Deimos is the real daddy. Plus, her longstanding dislike of Philip may mean that she counted on him being furious with Chloe for lying to him and thus freeing her daughter of all Kiriakis men. If she is behind the move, it wasn't half bad at all.

Plus, right now I wouldn't mind seeing a woman get the best of those Kiriakis men. I love the Kiriakis boys together, I really do. However, I'm starting to feel like their boys club is beginning to smell a wee bit misogynistic.

First, Deimos literally ushered Theresa out of the living room by her arm and closed the doors in her face because the "men" needed to "concentrate." Then, for all the concern about all of the Kiriakis family being protected, I sure didn't see any of them lift a golden finger to help Claire out when she was captured. I hate to say it, but if Claire was a dude, I think there'd be a lot more chest thumping and rushing to defend the honor of the family. I'm glad Theresa finally ran in there to read them the riot act.

In the house of DiMera, Kate proposed Chad bringing Andre back into the fold because he can help get the company back on track quickly. Apparently the company went to hell in a limoncello basket when Chad was off trying to defend himself from Jennifer. It's a bit of a weak reason, but if it gets Lauren Koslow, Billy Flynn, and Thaao Penghlis in multiple scenes together, I'll buy it. Twice.

Though, I will say that scene was missing Belle. It would have played better to have someone playing the angel on Chad's shoulder. Instead, all he had was the devil and...um...another devil. But still, stellar acting makes this a win.

Plus, when they plopped tiny Thomas in Chad's lap, I got it. It really hit home that Thomas is literally all Chad has. He's buried his daughter, three siblings, mother, father, and now his wife. Even if Thomas wasn't the cutest kid ever, I wouldn't blame Chad for holding onto Thomas with all he has.

And so, having said that, I have to come down on the side of Sonny being a bit out of line when he asked Chad not to go after the shipping deal out of respect for their friendship. If the Kiriakis empire takes a hit, it takes a hit. There's still a big company left. And Sonny literally had a room full of family that would be there for him. Chad? Well, when Kate Roberts is the second most loyal person in your life, it doesn't hurt to be looking out extra hard for yourself.

Of course, it might have been nice if he started by digging up Nick Fallon/Max Brady's energy plan that Melanie recreated with her photographic memory. I'm pretty sure that ended up at DiMera Enterprises via E.J. or Andre/Tony.

LOOSE ENDS Just like I don't understand how Xander escaped out a third floor window, I also don't understand how Clyde shot Abe. The Horton Town square is enclosed. How did Clyde manage to shoot into it from the Salem Inn?

Deimos is aware that there are more than two types of guys, right? He keeps saying things like "I'm no saint" as if the obvious only other possibility is to be a villain who stalks people and cripples women.

Yaaasssss! I clap like a fool each time I see Kassie DePaiva. I like it almost as much as Hope/Jen "cuz" scenes! And we got one of those too! Wahoo!

Gabi found out that Dario was responsible for that dude attacking her before. But Dario insists he still wasn't the one who sent Eduardo that note. Do we believe him? Do we care at this point? Spoiler: no.

There's no denying the chemistry between Christopher Sean and Freddie Smith. However, I wonder how Paul's going to feel when he realizes that Sonny isn't the mountain climbing Care Bear he used to be. Personally, I like scrappy Sonny. But Paul has a very distinctive memory of Sonny -- one that Master Kiriakis has moved more than a few steps away from right now.

Technically, Hope didn't kill Stefano in cold blood. Her blood was downright boiling when she did it.

I'm utterly impressed with John whipping up $20,000 like it's no big deal. I'm thinking DiMera Enterprises and/or Titan would hire him on the spot right now!

Because our classy editor Dan has standards around here, I can't actually use the words I'd like to sum up my utter disgust and abhorrence for DAYS equating Deimos finding out that he's not the father of the kid Chloe's been telling him he's not the father of to the actual death of Nicole's three babies. First, we all know the truth will come out in the end, so why prostrate Nicole's character for a temporary plot step? Second, in Deimos' case, no one died! His situation is nowhere near final. Comparing the two would be like Claire talking about how much she misses her mom, and Theo saying, "I know exactly how you feel. Your mom's in Hong Kong. My mom's in heaven. It's basically the same thing!"

HOT

Let's hear it for Adrienne not taking the DiMera hate bait and suggesting that Chad might not be a baby kicker who drowns puppies for fun. No wonder Justin ran to General Hospital after hearing that.

NOT: Before I start, I have to say that Daniel Cosgrove plays sinister Aiden masterfully. And I've genuinely enjoyed both pairings in the past. But I am just not here for Haiden vs. Rope: Part 3. Like, at all.

First, why drop the Stefano bomb now? Rafe, Aiden, and Hope -- all officers of the justice system -- are wrapped up in the biggest crime wave to hit Salem in years. It's not like they have time to be dealing with a B plot right now. That would leave Salem's protection to J.J. and Roman, which, seriously. Come on now.

Second, Aiden's whole "be with me" plea seems weird, since no one mentions these two are still married. If they really wanted to have Haiden vs. Rope, Clyde should have accidentally shot Hope, leaving Aiden as legal next of kin and making medical decisions for her.

Third, maybe it's because I suspect the storyline had to be written so that Joseph Mascolo could enjoy a well-earned retirement. Or perhaps it's because we had that nice Christmas Carol episode at the cabin with Ghost Bo. But, I feel like we've adjudicated this Stefano situation already. There's no need to keep milking it.

Finally, I so wish that Hope would have busted into that police station and said, "Listen up, Hernandez. Here's the plan..." Snively, weenie Hope just isn't my Hope. And while Aiden definitely deserved to be soap punched, Neanderthal Rafe has never been my pint of ice cream either.

LINE OF THE WEEK: Orpheus: "I'm enjoying myself." Clyde: "Oh, yeah, maybe after lunch we can go to the spa."

RANDOM THOUGHTS No to Marlena's jacket. Can Gabi go see her? I didn't realize burner phones had cameras now! If something looks bad on Ari Zucker, there it literally no hope for it. Sorry, weird slasher skirt. Huge miss to not have Theo pull the gun on Clyde and say, "Ha-low, you tried to kheel my faddar. Prepare to die!" That dual gun draw John and Orpheus did was pretty badass. I'm sure Stephanie will be glad to hear Joey's back. I get Ciara and Claire fighting over Theo. Not only is Theo totally lovable, but those two are related to a lot of Salem. Their choices are few and far between. Oof. Hey, Hope and Rafe, maybe not have the conversation about Aiden in the same room where he taped you before? Yup, if anyone was going to lead Steve into battle, my pick would totally be J.J. I'm ashamed to admit that when Theo lamented that Brandon and Lani weren't at the hospital, I thought, "Aw, Brandon! And...who?" Funny, I could have sworn that Nicole was rescued thanks to Daniel, Brady, and Serena -- not to mention Eric showing up first to save her from Xander strangling her on the spot. But sure, let's give this one to Daniel. Dude gets so few wins.

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