Loathing you my whole life long

What do Serena, Clyde, and Paul have in common? Well, they're all new characters. And they're all driving storylines in Salem. So how are the newbies holding up? Who's totally wicked? Find out in this week's Two Scoops.

It seems as though all the new characters who flew into Salem recently are carrying some very heady storylines. Some are good. Some need a house dropped on them. Let's discuss the good and the bad of the newbies and their current storylines.

The one most interesting to me is still the Paul/Will/Sonny triangle. Christopher Sean is doing great work in this storyline. One moment Paul is weak and vulnerable on the phone with his mom, asking her to please come visit him. The next moment he's making a case to become my newest favorite person by pointing out that "it shouldn't have happened" isn't even close to being an answer to the question of why Will cheated on Sonny. Go on, Paul! Tell 'im!

I think it would be very interesting if Paul was the first one who connected the dots. Would he feel like he betrayed Sonny? Technically, Paul did nothing wrong. But since Willbot can't manage to scrape together any emotion with a vague resemblance to human guilt, I'm counting on Paul to make up for it. I feel like there's good stuff to play out here.

Next there's Serena. She's a funny part of the freshmen class. It's no secret that I'm not Serena's biggest cheerleader. And they don't make it easier to like her when she decides that a single Google search tells her everything she need to know about all of Salem. Case in point, Serena stood there proclaiming the gospel from the book of Google -- listing all of Nicole's sins to Dr. Dan. Hey, Serena, you know that Daniel chucked his own medical ethics out the window and lied about the true paternity of Nicole's baby, right? And before that, you know that he had an affair with a married woman, yes?

I don't say this because I think Daniel is a bad dude, nor do I think that Nicole is a saint. I say it because nothing bums me out more than when one character (it used to be Sami) gets slapped for the schemes she's pulled, while others get to have their bad deeds fade off into the sunset. So I will take comfort in hoping that Ted Carpenter's tale of Serena the femme fatal really is true. One, it gives Nicole the inside track to take Serena down a notch. Two, it makes Serena very, very interesting.

I'm just throwing a theory out here, but she seems to be really interested in Eric's art. She knew exactly what picture she wanted. She also knew that some of the pieces he had were missing. And, it was a little too convenient that she just happened to be outside his apartment when he called. Was she there to break in? If Ted's story about Serena using her womanly ways to make fools of men is true, Eric is really in for a rude awakening. That could get interesting.

Finally, there's Clyde. The list of people who want him gone is growing by the day. First there's me. Then there's Victor, Rafe, Jordan, did I mention Victor? Good. Because I don't know if the rest really matter. I haven't seen Victor this angry about a nuisance since Nicole showed up with Pookie. And I can't wait for Victor to deal with this pest.

You'll have to help me because there's one thing I really can't figure out. For argument's sake, I'll assume that Jordan believes Clyde's account of what happened the night her mom died. But for the life of me, I can't figure out why Jordan is keeping that a secret, especially considering that she has three very good options!

First, she could have told Chad. One call to Papa Stefano, and Clyde would be in a custom cell in the DiMera basement. Chad would have helped her because he liked the snot out of her. Or at least he did until he saw her in a liplock with Rafe that, for the record, she held onto a little bit too long to claim that it was all his fault. But I digress.

Her next option was Rafe. As he so rightly reminded her, he still does have connections to people who could legally come after Clyde. And, I have to say, if you find yourself in a position where a dangerous person irrationally blames you for vehicular manslaughter, Rafe is the guy for you to talk to! He's been there -- seen that brick wall.

Finally, there's Ben. Not only could we maybe, finally put Ben's penchant for punching to good use, but Ben would absolutely believe Jordan! Seriously, whose word is he going to take? The sister who smuggled him out of an abusive home and gave him a real shot at life or the man who used to lock him in a room for not using the word "dad"?

Any of these lads will work. But I urge you, Jordan, spill it, and let's get this show on the road!

LOOSE ENDS Guys, you're not going to believe this. Nicole had to apologize to Daniel. I mean, break out the cameras and the Champagne. We need to mark this momentous occasion. Who knows when we'll get it again?

Yes, it's a little silly that Chase can dictate what his father does to make it up to him for selling the beach house. But, if it means that Detective Fancy Face gets put in the position to gather a few more clues about Meredith's death, I say well done, Chase!

Two weeks in a row, I have to side with Paige! It's none of J.J.'s business who she hangs out with anymore -- especially when he's still engaging in makeout sessions with her mom! (Seriously, you two?) However, if Paige is going to look for comfort in one of J.J.'s buddies, that choice is Rory all day.

Speaking of Eve and J.J., I'm going to need more to go on as to why these two can't keep their hands off each other. One time? Sure, I can buy the "we were both upset and in a bad place" explanation. But now they're becoming the kissing version of those flowers that automatically start dancing when they hear music. Is it possible that Stefano put brain chips in both of them and is sitting off screen with a remote just laughing his face off?

No doubt, Chad deliberately picked that fight with Ben. But Ben needs to learn that he can't go dukes up into every situation. Simmer down there, Jersey Shore.

Now that Brady and Mel have all of their permission slips signed, they can finally go on that date! Awesome. I'm sure nothing will go wrong. I mean, he's only got a missing child and more chemistry with another gal on the show. No biggie. Have fun, you two!

I don't ever feel uneasy watching Theresa get into trouble because she's proven that she's resourceful enough to scheme her way out of it. So, yes, it stinks for her that Clint is a DiMera henchmen. But, I'm sure going to enjoy watching how this unfolds!

Speaking of henchmen, if we do have to kill time with Brady and Mel until Kristen comes back with baby Thrady, I'd strongly suggest that Brady and Mel hang out at the Kiriakis mansion. For there, Mel has a good chance to run into Damon, Victor's new henchmen whose accent may or may not make you forget your own name for a minute. You're welcome, Mel.

HOT As if I couldn't love Victor any more, he went and pointed out that that Clyde is all shades of Curtis and, Kate's an idiot for not knowing! Pah-reach it loud, brother Victor! Amen on both accounts!

NOT Clyde was on four days. Hope was on one. Blasphemy.

LINE OF THE WEEK Eve: "Paige needs some new boots." Theresa: "Oh yeah? She can't just flap her angel wings and fly over the snow drifts?"

RANDOM THOUGHTS I enjoyed the makeshift family of Sonny, John, and Marlena. I wish their scene was longer.

Maggie mentioned Chez Rouge! I miss that place.

Uh, delicious sushi is a perfectly good reason for missing class!

It made me chuckle when Nicole took off her earrings before she started in with Serena. You can take the girl out of the streets...

Since when do fourth graders from Illinois go on a school trip to San Francisco?

Alison Sweeney's The Star Attraction is a novel about an attractive young professional who finds herself cheating on her dependable boyfriend because she just couldn't control herself in the presence of a super hot superstar. Sound familiar?

Poor Sonny is so lost that he said being broke is different than not having any money. Seriously, the guy needs a snack and a nap. Can he go hang out with Joey at Caroline's house for an afternoon?

Victor made a comment about Clyde's Andy from Mayberry routine. The next time we saw Clyde, he was whistling. Subtle, DAYS. I guess a fishing pole and a red-headed kid weren't readily available at the moment?

I don't know if it's Victor's influence or the new power suit, but Rafe is downright hilarious as the smarmy club manager. See: Chad: "It's probably a downgrade from being a police detective." Rafe: "It's more of a lateral move since I get to see the same people."

Clyde: "My money's as good as anyone else's." Rafe: "Oh, I doubt that."

That's all for now! Tony will be back next week to see how Nicole's next showdown with Serena goes. I warned him to bring a helmet and a case of scotch. Safety first!

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