Never mind, I'll find someone like you

There's a new game craze sweeping through Salem. When the music stops, everyone must find a new partner. Find out where the match-ups ended up in this week's Two Scoops.

This week was all about partner swapping -- Sami for Nicole, Austin for Rafe, Marlena for Kate, Hope for Gina, denial for honesty. Yes, it seems that the only pair that made it out of the week unscathed was your favorite two Two Scoopers. With all the rearranging, it's hard to sort it all out. But, let's give it a shot together. We can compare notes at the end to see if I missed anything.

SAMI and E.J. Yes, Ejami part 53,723 appeared to be in the works. However, the writers started to do something interesting with Sami and E.J. this time. They began to explore the possibility that these two jerks might actually find a relationship somewhere between hating each other and making babies. What a concept! Unlike Papa Stefano, E.J. actually got to a place where he does care about the mother of his children. I liked that E.J. acknowledged that Johnny and Sydney love Sami. So, I didn't mind that he gave her an apartment, or that he offered to be her lawyer. It will only be a matter of time before E.J. screws up and Sami has something to hold over him. That's how these two roll.

Side note -- I know that the show has to be creative with ways to keep child actors off-screen, but last week was ridiculous. Literally, Sami's excuse was, "I couldn't put my kids to bed because I needed to drown my bad day in a glass of pinot grigio." Sami's a moron. Everyone knows that you use merlot for that anyway.

BILLIE Billie is working for the ISA again too! That could be interesting, especially since she seems to be the only one correctly identifying E.J. as the one who framed John for embezzlement. However, I worry that the ISA might not be the most competent organization when it comes to communication. Billie spent a good chunk of the week worrying that she hasn't been able to get through to Hope and questioning Kate about Stefano's whereabouts. Yet, Billie also met with Agent Spencer, who has knowledge of where both Stefano and Hope are and knows how to get in contact with Hope. Does Billie not know that John is back working for the ISA too?

LUCAS and KATE Lucas took a stab at telling Kate to back off, which is about as productive as a low-fat ice cream diet. But, at least he tried.

The thing that confused me most about their conversation was Kate's complete hypocritical audacity. (No, I didn't know that there were higher levels than the ones she already achieved!) Not only is Kate the last person to be determining who should go to prison because of who she is and who she's married to, but, didn't Kate commit the same corporate espionage by ordering Sami to hand over Mad World documents?

I think I let out an out-loud, "Oh, good grief!" when Kate proclaimed that she was going after Sami again to "protect" Lucas. I also think it's redonkulous that Kate thinks that she has any right to take custody away from Sami. The line of people who could take custody away from Sami before Kate is longer than that blue streak has been in her hair.

WILL and MARLENA This storyline has been so well written and acted, that even normal storyline elements seem extraordinary. And that's important because this storyline is significant. Couples break up. Characters die and then come back from the dead. Children discover that they have different parents. But this is something that, essentially, can't be undone. This plot point is one that will change Will's future with DAYS forever.

So, while Will's conflicting statements ("I think I might be gay." and "I won't be gay. I just won't!") would bother me in any other storyline, it's particularly poignant here. The back-and-forth action gave Marlena a chance to develop as a mom, by sticking up for both Sami and Lucas. It gave Will a chance to evaluate his friendships and realize which people make him feel the most comfortable. And it gave the audience a chance to embrace Will for reasons that have nothing to do with his sexuality. That last point is the true genius of this storyline.

RAFE and NICOLE Nicole tried to cheer Rafe up by suggesting that he engage in therapy that consisted of him repeating the word "divorce" then drinking a beer. It worked, too, as Rafe finally admitted that he wanted to be with Carrie. Alas, Nicole looked disappointed. Ugh. What is it about being pregnant with E.J.'s baby that makes women fall for Rafe?

I used to like this pair, but I don't see the chemistry this time. This version of Rafe is not Nicole's type. Rafe has neither power nor wealth right now, and, with the exception of Eric Brady, Nicole always goes for the guy who has status.

I'm glad that E.J. found out that Nicole is pregnant. It was making me furious to see Rafe go along with it. Didn't he realize that if Nicole keeps this secret from E.J, then she's also denying Sydney and Johnny their sibling? I thought he was supposed to love those kids. I just hope that Rafe doesn't do something stupid like pretend to be the baby daddy. We've been down that road before, and it wasn't fun!

SAMI and CARRIE I'll give Carrie this -- no one can "steal" your husband if he's not ready to go. So, Sami needs to own the fact that there was something wrong in her marriage before Carrie or E.J. came into the picture.

However, my support of sweet Carrie ends there. She didn't even pretend to avoid her sister's husband once since those feelings started. And she has some nerve lecturing Sami for blaming other people when Carrie just got done slapping Abigail and dismissing Austin. Carrie needs to realize that it's going to take time for Sami settle; and, Carrie really needs to stop making it out to be a character flaw on Sami's part that things aren't hunky-dory right now.

E.J. and NICOLE She filed the papers for their divorce, leaving E.J. precious little time to get through all the obligatory "you're the only woman I've ever loved" speech that every soap character must give to the person dumping them. E.J.'s actually a little rough at it since he's only given it to Sami and Taylor before. That would explain why he mismanaged his time and spent a few scenes being a spectacular a-hole to Nicole about "sleeping" with Rafe. Oh, E.J.! Sometimes I forget that you're really only fifteen and have so much to learn about women!

RAFE, CARRIE, and SAMI Carrie told Rafe that Abigail lied and made the whole thing up. But, before she had a chance to say that she wanted to be with him (just a guess), hurricane Sami blew in and accused Rafe of sleeping with Nicole. Shocking, Sami jumped to conclusions without thinking.

I enjoyed Sami telling Rafe that he doesn't get to judge her. And Rafe is no match for Sami's sass. Although, I have no doubt that Sami will fall right on her sass once she learns why Rafe was topless in Nicole's hotel room. No worries. It's a position Sami is quite familiar with.

I just can't quite decide if Carrie believes Rafe or not. I know that she said that she did, but the fact that she didn't tell Rafe how things ended with Austin leaves me wondering if Carrie's going to let both men dangle just a little longer. Boo. That's not fair to Austin, Rafe, or most of all, me, who finally found a way to root for Carrie and Rafe at the same time. Come on, Carrie! Don't ruin this for us!

BILLIE and DANIEL Everything about this pair bums me out, right down to their matching feathered haircuts. Even if I could ignore the "three generations of Roberts women" thing, I can't get over the fact that Daniel just had his heart broken and should probably focus on himself a little longer. But, let's be honest, I'll probably never get over the "three generation of Roberts women" thing, so it's really better to abort any plans to have Billie and Daniel date.

IAN and COMPANY I haven't seen a party this uncomfortable since Mr. Boddy invited everyone to the Clue mansion for dinner.

I'm positive that Marlena was giving advice to Brady about breaking up a marriage, and I'm not so sure that I'm down with that. I would rather see Marlena give Brady a little of the advice she gave to Will -- advice about her unconditional support and self-respect. But, yeah, go after the married woman is almost the same.

Brady took Marlena's advice and made out with Madison in one of those "secret" hiding places in the middle of the town square. That's always a smart move.

When Ian didn't run after Madison, Kate stepped in to bend Ian's ear about how her husband doesn't love her either, a sentiment that is utterly untrue. I can't think of a worse person to have this information than Ian.

And, to top it all off, Kate confronted Marlena about interfering with Kate's relationships with Will and Stefano. Marlena literally laughed out loud at the latter notion. And, I have to say that even if that were true, Kate has no grounds to blame Marlena for that.

CHAD, MELANIE, GABI, and ABIGAIL Earring-gate came and went with very little drama. Sure, Melanie and her hot pink bra high-tailed it out of Chad's room once the accessory of deceit appeared. But the next day, they were all gooey-eyed again once Gabi "innocently" admitted that she left the earring during her completely platonic visit to Chad's place.

By far, the best part was Abigail. I love that she stuck up for Melanie. I honestly can't remember a woman not named Maggie ever doing that. And, Abigail immediately (and to Gabi's face) called Gabi out on causing problems for Chad and Mel. The young Hernandi better watch out. I have no doubt that Abigail could steamroll Gabi if necessary.

Side note to Chad -- Melanie pointed out that Gabi thinks there's something between you two. I'd stay away from coffee dates with Gabi, else risk hearing a big fat, "I told you so!" from your redheaded lady friend.

STEFANO, JOHN, and HOPE Stefano summed up my entire thoughts about this weak storyline when he lamented to Hope, "I'm listening, even though you're giving me a headache." I'm so with you, Steffie.

Call me crazy, but ISA Agent Black and Detective Brady find stuff for a living. To think that the only way for them to find Stefano's fancy Easter egg is for them to be brainwashed again is nuts. I wish John and Hope would fake this whole thing to make Stefano think that their subconscious memories have been revived and then find the egg and barter for their freedom.

But alas, we're left to watch the Pawn and Princess Gina. In case you get confused, Gina has a weird semi-accent and the Pawn is no different than real John, and definitely not nearly as funny as RoboJohn. They both like to dress up like 80's Prom Ken and Barbie. And, Rolf 2.0 and Bart 2.0 might pop up from time to time.

Seriously, to keep myself interested I started thinking of all of the ways that the world should look different to the Pawn and Gina. Have either of them seen a smart phone? Do they know that you can't smoke most places? Wait 'til they see gas prices!

LOOSE ENDS: E.J. told Kate to back off Sami because she's a good mother. He also told Kate that she'd answer to him if Sami went to prison. Why doesn't he just threaten to pull funding to Countess W?

Gabi, looking like a bonus Kardashian in her all black, sleek hair, and glossy lips, suggests that she and Will help each other by him teaching her how to be bad and her doing, well, whatever he wants. I guess they got back to being friends in a hurry!

Ian announced that he's opening a foundation in Madison's honor that will buy inappropriately tight dresses for under-privileged girls around the world. All together now, "Heal the wooooorld, make it a better place..."

Caroline showed up (again!) to comfort Sami. I like their relationship. It's a parallel to Marlena/Will's relationship. However, I don't think Sami should be so quick to dismiss Caroline's offer to help, since Caroline is a skilled computer hacker. Who doesn't need those at their disposal?

Marlena called Roman for help. I wonder if he'll team up with Billie to go rescue John and Hope from Alamainia? (Hint, hint!)

Kate told Will that her perfected gaydar (from working in the fashion industry) zeroed in on Will. She was so pumped about it that she said it out loud in the middle of Salem's busiest new hangout! Gee, I wonder why Will isn't comfortable opening up to Granny Kate? No wonder he split to meet his girlfriend (who lives in Canada).

HOT: Lexie is back in good graces again after apologizing to Abe for being a big old dummy and, in her own words, "being up on a high horse" about the whole topic of mistakes. She even said that her life was far from blameless! Abe immediately forgave her, and the two went home. Abe actually thanked God for Lexie. In many ways, Abe is the most romantic man on the show.

NOT I get that Austin was excited about all of the pervy stank he instantly avoided the second Abigail announced the truth. But, that still doesn't mean that he should have skipped over to Carrie's office and begged her to take him back. If this was the first time that Carrie fell in love with another man on Austin's watch, I'd urge him to fight a little more. But, that ain't the case here. If Carrie and Austin are going to be saved, then it should be Carrie fighting for him, not the other way around. He's starting to look like a bit of a weenie.

LINE OF THE WEEK: Gabi (to Melanie about Chad): "He loves you more than all the sex that he could be having! And trust me, that's a lot!" Umm...not exactly helpful there, Gabs.

RANDOM THOUGHTS: Alison Sweeney looked positively tiny in that red A-line skirt and blue blouse! And, Christie Clark should stick with the loose, natural wavy hair for pretty much ever. No wonder Rafe is in love with both Brady girls!

Kayla has to be the most expensive waitress ever.

I have no memory of E.J. and Billie ever sharing a kiss. Can any of you refresh my memory of when the two stepsiblings got close?

The whole video conference threat stuff was much better when Brady and Vivian did it.

Chad is flirting awfully close with the k.d. lang haircut that inflicted E.J. a few years ago. Should we stage an intervention?

I think that Sami hangs out with E.J. because he's the one person that her family hates more than her.

I'm still not okay with Daniel calling Nicole, "Nic."

I'm cleaning this up as best I can, but this has to be mentioned: I thought Sami's rave reviews of her intimate time with E.J. seemed a bit strange. Pardon me for being crude, but she's only been with E.J. three times, and two were under duress.

Can someone please fill Kate in on what Carrie has done to Austin's life? Let's put those Mama Bear powers to good use for a change!

Knowing that Will has played Lady Gaga songs for Marlena is super sweet. But, the revelation means that I have to dock points for perceptiveness. She doesn't get near as much credit for suspecting that Will might be gay now.

It's time for more Dankies! Click here to see what DAYS favorites won a 2012 Dankie. Then, go here to cast your votes on the All-Soaps Ballot.

That's all for now, DAYS fans! Let's all pray that the partner swapping settles down for next week. Tony gets very cranky when people don't stick to the seating chart. A few questions to consider beforehand: Are Sami and Will neighbors now? Does Lexie's headache mean that she's pregnant or implanted with a chip? (I'm hoping for the latter.) And, any chance we can pick up the holiday tradition and get an egg hunt in the square? Click here to share your thoughts with me!

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