Of all the mansions...

This past week, Chelsea decided that since Nick didn't want to have sex with her right then and there, that he had to have been thinking about his tryst with her mom.

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I have finally figured it out, you guys. Sweeps is going to be one week on, one week off. Meaning that one week is going to be fabulous and one week is going to make me punch my TV screen. Sigh. This was a punching week.

The week started off with Kayla meeting with Adrienne at the church. The main purpose of this meeting was for Adrienne to supply Kayla with a probably not all the way legal gun, at which point Adrienne was informed that Kayla was going to chase Steve down to Tinda Lao, and if necessary, shoot him to protect Shawn and Bo from Robo-DiMera-Controlled-Steve. I thought that it was quite deep to meet someone in a church to have them give you a weapon that you may or may not use to kill their brother. I mean .... just wow.

Now I am going to talk about every character on this show that I wanted to slap this week. Get ready, this will probably be long.

Willow: I hate her. I just hate her. First, the little tramp asks Nick for a place to crash (meaning his house, meaning Aunt Maggie's house), which he smartly refuses, but he gives her money to sleep in a motel after he bailed her psychotic, arsonist butt out of jail (which is a helluva lot nicer that I would have been) and what does he come home to find? Willow's skanky butt, just snoring away and skanking up his bed. And then to make my blood really boil, she refused to leave when he asked her to and insisted on taking a shower, which she took her sweet time doing, while being as annoying as possible. Then Chelsea cruises over (more on that later) decides that she wants to do it with Nick right then and there, which of course made poor Willow uncomfortable as she was hiding under the bed. And then the crme de la crme was the fact that she left her nasty, already worn, hooker drawers on Nick's floor for Aunt Maggie to find. I hope Maggie has had all her shots.

Chelsea: First off, how do Bo and Hope not know about the ghost riding incident? But that aside, Hope sat Chelsea down for a talk and Chelsea felt comfortable enough to ask Hope how she would know when it was time to lose her virginity. Okay, so far, so good, as Chelsea is probably nearly 20 so there isn't the usual ick-ew factor that I have when these little chats come up on soaps. Hope (rightly) told her it was a decision that should not be taken lightly and should be made with a lot of thought and love behind it. We're still good. Then Chelsea somehow translates that in her head that she should run over to Nick's house, share the good news with him and jump his bones, post haste. [Insert sound of record scratching]. What? Okay, first of all the man had to go to work, as he kept telling her, about eighty times. Second, his very, very, very nosy aunt was lurking about the hallway, which is not exactly the most romantic thing for your first time. And of course, Willow, queen of skanks was hiding in the room, but Chelsea didn't know that. So, of course, when Nick told Chelsea that they couldn't do this right now, she took it about five hundred steps too far and threw the world's largest hissy fit before storming out. Chelsea assumed that since Nick didn't want to have sex with her right then and there, no matter what else was going on, that he had another woman on the side or that he was thinking about his tryst with her mom, so she ran all the way back to Bo and Hope's house and refused to let Nick in or talk. He finally got in the door, after some really bad serenading, and she continued to rake him over the coals for about half the show until they finally kissed and made up. Nick made the excuse that he didn't want Aunt Maggie walking in on them (which is a completely valid reason, because man is she nosy) and Chelsea came up with the ultra-bright idea that Nick should get his own place, so they can do it whenever they want. Of course, she doesn't know that his savings is gone because he let Willow guilt trip him into bailing her out of jail. My beef with this story is if Chelsea can't be mature enough to realize that we don't live in a world where we can drop our pants whenever we feel like because people have things to do , then she is nowhere near being mature enough to have sex. She threw such a tantrum that I found myself wanting to pimp slap her for the first time in a long time. She needs to grow up and realize that the world and everyone in it don't revolve around her. Nick was still wrong for hiding Willow, but I don't think that Nick and Chelsea should even be discussing going to bed together until they both grow up and get a clue.

Shawn: Oh, this idiot. He is an excellent example of your body going 60 miles an hour before your brain engages. So, after Shawn got shot in the shoulder, he, with the help of his dad and his trusty friend Gabby, hunted Philip, Belle and Claire down in a cave where they were apparently waiting for Philip's boat. He then tried to fight Philip, although Shawn was bleeding all over the place. Of course, since Phil was a Marine for goodness sakes, he got the better of Shawn rather quickly and made off with Belle and Claire. Then Good Ol' Uncle Steve appears out of nowhere with a seaplane and offers to help Shawn catch up with Philip and company. Well, Shawn just thinks this is a dandy idea and wants to go immediately. Bo, who had just about the only normally functioning brain on the island, vetoed that idea pretty quick, as Steve has been acting less than normal, what with the whole State Psychiatric Hospital/kidnapping John and stealing his kidney thing. Then Bo talked to Hope who let him know that Steve's objective for being on Tinda Lao was to kill Shawn and himself, on EJ's orders. Shawn was informed of this new development, and surprise, surprise, he didn't care. So to make an exceedingly long story short, Bo and Shawn ended up in the seaplane after Belle radioed and let them know there was a typhoon coming and they needed help. Shawn then jumped from the plane with only a flimsy raft to help him through those 30 foot waves and somehow manages to hoist himself onto Phil's boat, bullet wound in the shoulder and all. Just as a side note, wouldn't getting all that salt water in that bloody wound hurt? A lot? I know that they are trying to make Shawn Bo Brady 2.0 and have him be a hothead, but if memory serves me correctly (now keep in mind I've only been watching for 15 years, so maybe Bo had relaxed some by then) Bo has pretty much always had some degree of common sense. I'm just saying. SLAP!!

Philip: I will try to keep this short. He is a psycho. He acted like it was so out of the realm of possibility when Belle made a remark about yelling, screaming and hitting after he flipped out over the GPS, and was almost offended that Belle seemed to consider him abusive. Um, I know Belle doesn't know this, but he dangled Willow off the side of a boat! I pretty much think that makes you capable of anything. He looked like he might have been beginning to come around after he smashed the radio, but I think his ego may be more of a problem now than anything else. I think he realizes that a compromise may be best, but that stubborn Kiriakis pride may keep him from removing his head from his behind. Oh, well. I guess we'll have to see.

Lucas and Sami have now gone on their do-gooding honeymoon to New Orleans (which is a beautiful concept by the way, help others in your happiness), being closely followed by EJ. They arrive at an old mansion that has been turned into low cost housing and begin helping with the restoration. Lucas sledgehammers the wall, revealing an old metal box. They open it up and dum-dum-dum inside is a letter with the signature "DiMera" on it! They are (of freaking course) nowhere other than Maison Blanche, the DiMera homestead in the Big Easy (for you newer guys, Maison Blanche was the site of a big story arc in the mid '90s involving John, Marlena, Peter, Kristen, etc., that literally went on for so damn long, I can't even remember what the whole story was, other than the house burning to the ground). Is it just me, or does this whole storyline have a Scooby-Doo feel to it? I keep expecting Velma to pop out of one of the crypts exclaiming "Jinkies!" So EJ has followed them, waxing poetic about it being his family home and him being raised there. Okay. Was that in between being raised in England, and the nanny with the tea and school with Prince William and crap? Whatever. EJ actually did apologize to Sami for forcing himself on her and actually formed his lips to say the words "I'm sorry I raped you." He still wants her to have the amnio and seems really insistent that he doesn't want to wait five months to find out if he is the baby's father. The only thing that is making me suspend my disbelief for what I feel is a really strange start to the storyline (other than James Scott's fabulousity) is the fact that it is going to bring back the DiMera's. It is about time. We needed some good villains, because I'm sorry Alex North just isn't in the same league .... make that galaxy as Stefano and Tony as far as good old fashioned badness goes.

So what will happen next week? What will Tony and EJ's first (onscreen) encounter be like? And what about Stefano? How does Anna fit into all of this? And what will be the story with Abe's (very, very hot) nephew, Jett Carver (Marcus Patrick, like James Scott was on AMC playing Jamal, and he is beautiful ) and Jeremy Horton, progeny of goody two-shoes Mike? I am optimistically excited!

Until Next Time!

Melissa

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