I know you are, but what am I?

Last week, the design office became a biohazard, thanks to Luna and her pregnancy scare. You can't have a "who's the daddy" story without a pregnancy, so here's what our scooper thinks might be in store for Luna. Finn dumped the "antihero" for the "confronter in chief," but with Sheila and Finn's relationship back to square one, where is this never-ending saga headed? Plus, the truth about why Brooke is the last person who should call out Zende or Poppy! Let's scoop!

Putting up sets and taking down sets is a hassle, and it's probably why Poppy is always popping into the design office to hold court with Luna over macchiatos. However, did Luna really have to vomit in the office trash can next to the desk and leave it there while she shopped for a pregnancy test? And did she and Poppy really have to set the peed-on test on the desk as they awaited the results?

I get it. Hope polished that desk with her rump plenty of times while sweating all over the carpet with Thomas, and those two aren't the only ones who emitted fluids in there. Still, I couldn't help but think of the co-workers who eat lunch in there and the poor janitor who has to clean up that trash can. Can you imagine what that office smelled like after she got back from the drug store?

I can't blame Luna for throwing up. This storyline would make anyone queasy. It's an unending roller coaster ride to nowheresville with a layover in wrong-blame-casting hell. But if she isn't pregnant, why is Luna throwing up? Only one possibility comes to mind, and it involves either an organ donation or rare disease. In either case, Poppy will be required to reveal Luna's father.

If the plot isn't headed there, I'm stumped. The writers went out of their way to conclude the improbability of a pregnancy. Zende used protection, and after that toilet-pregnancy with Sasha, I can't believe he wouldn't get double-dressed for the horizontal mamba. Luna mentioned that she was on the pill. While I'm disappointed that when Poppy asked about R.J., Luna mentioned the pills but nothing for disease protection, I'm ecstatic that Luna -- and viewers -- dodged the pregnancy bullet. R.J. and Luna are the most whiney and immature twenty-somethings of daytime, and watching them parent would be like watching kids play with dolls in daycare.

Maybe it's just me, but couldn't the writers have found a more suitable person to harangue Poppy and Zende for the 90th time about betraying R.J. and "drugging" Luna? When Brooke hurried herself out of Eric's for some overdue business to take care of with Zende, I figured it would be a case of hypocrisy gone bad. It got off on the wrong foot with Brooke waiting for Zende to go to work to confront him instead of her catching him at the guesthouse before he left the grounds.

To R.J.'s full embarrassment, Brooke valiantly defended her son's honor against Zende's betrayal, but with Brooke's track record, she was the wrong person for the job. When she told Zende he'd betrayed the family, I wish Zende would have said, "This coming from the woman who gave birth to her son-in-law's daughter?" Or maybe Zende could have retorted, "You're talking about my inappropriateness with Luna, but how appropriate was it for you to fall in love with Eric, your mom's college sweetheart?" I could go on, and what the hell? I will.

I wish Zende had said to Brooke, "Maybe you should have asked some questions of the man behind the mask before you ruined Hope and Oliver's future. Oh, I get it. You didn't know it wasn't Ridge, just like I didn't know Luna hadn't taken me up on my offer." Zende could have even quipped, "I'm guessing you haven't told Ridge about this because then he'd have to face the fact that he took advantage of you on pills, and his drunken sister-in-law."

Zende could have said a lot of things, but when Brooke asked what his mother would think of it, I wish he would have surmised, "She'd probably think she needs to come here and defend me because you people do what I did -- and worse -- but treat me like a criminal in need of exile."

As for when Brooke summoned Poppy like a kid into the principal's office to bark at her about her immaturity and bad habits, Poppy held her own. I'm over people blaming Poppy for Luna getting into the mints as if Luna is a two-year-old. And another thing, B&B is repetitive, but one assertion that never needed to be said or repeated is, "you drugged your own daughter."

It's illogical that every character who knows about this incident has come to the same conclusion that Poppy drugged Luna. Luna said it. Zende said it. R.J. said it. Carter said it, and now Brooke has said it. It's as if some writer thought it was a clever thing to say, but it doesn't make it true. Poppy did not slip anything into Luna's drink or food, nor did she trick Luna into ingesting it. The more characters say it, the less of an impact it has on the viewer.

I don't get why Brooke was the choice to chastise Poppy for the way she treats her daughter. If the mints ruined Luna's relationship, what does Brooke think sleeping with Deacon did for Bridget's marriage? No matter what was going on in that marriage, Bridget loved Deacon, and Brooke knew it -- same as she accused Zende of knowing about R.J. and his girlfriend.

Instead of Brooke, Li should have been the one to confront Poppy about the pills. Li is missing from this story. As the one who'd questioned Poppy's morals in the beginning, Li should have been around with the "I told you so" after the mints hit the fan.

Finn and Deacon persist in the belief that Sheila is a hero for risking her life to save Steffy and the kids. Steffy and Liam are skeptical that the story happened the way Sheila says and wonder if Sheila is making it up. I doubt Sheila sat around a warehouse for weeks, waiting for Deacon and Finn to maybe see that Sugar had all her toes and maybe investigate. But is she a hero?

From what I glean, Sheila was abducted and chained up before she heard Sugar's plan. Yelling at Sugar not to do it and getting kicked in the face does not a hero make. Therefore, I see Sheila as Sugar's victim, but not Steffy's hero.

While I never expected Steffy to see Sheila as a hero or victim, it sucks that Steffy seems to be overlooking the fact that she still killed someone -- Sugar. Not only does Steffy seem to no longer grapple with the fact that she took a life, but Finn seems to believe that, as long as that life wasn't related to him, they're all good! Steffy is in her own La La Land, believing that Finn will hold true to her ultimatum.

Everyone, characters and viewers alike, finds themselves back to square one with this storyline -- the confronter in chief going to Sheila to threaten Sheila to stay away from her family. We have literally moved the needle not one inch from Finn and Steffy's wedding day when Finn desired to know his birth mother but got shot down by Steffy.

Steffy told Sheila that she'd thought she'd never have to see Sheila again. That's hard to believe when Steffy keeps going to Sheila's house to taunt her. If Steffy wants Sheila to no longer be a threat, maybe Steffy ought to stop threatening Sheila. I don't see what threat Sheila is in the first place. She has never harmed the kids, and she hasn't gone after Steffy since the shooting. Yes, the shooting was bad, but Sheila hasn't done anything to anyone since her toe chop. Going to her house, punching her, slapping her, and threatening her when she's behaving is getting old.

I don't have any respect for Hope after what she did to her marriage and for the way she carried on with Thomas. Hope lost me as a fan over it, but the writers know the best way to push my buttons and make me waffle: sic the confronter in chief and resident witch on Hope.

Who in the Britney-Spears-Circus-outfit-wearing hell does Steffy think she is? Steffy would never tolerate anyone talking about her father the way Steffy talks to Hope about Deacon, and yet Steffy expects Hope not only to stand for it, but also let Steffy disrespect Hope's mother, disregard Hope's feelings, and even listen to her express boredom of Hope's feelings of victimization. What I would not give for Sheila to say Steffy's victimhood bores Sheila! Because it sure the hell bores me. I'm to the point that I don't even care that Steffy was shot. Move on!

Isn't that what Steffy told Hope to do? Again, imagine Sheila telling Steffy, "I thought we'd moved on from this," whenever Steffy brings up the shooting. Steffy is making it really tempting for me to root for Hope and Thomas just because the couple vexes Steffy, the real "Ridge Jr."

If you like it, then you should put another a ring on it. Sheila isn't the only one fishing for a ring. Look at sassy Brooke, telling Ridge that he needs to put a ring on it. It was too bad that Ridge's response was to laugh at her. That's Ridge for you. Rude to the bones.

Paging Dr. Li. Li is absent from Poppy and Luna's story, but why didn't Li barge into Finn's office to throw Sheila out on Friday's show? I expected to see Finn and his adopt-o-mom talk about what she thinks is his boneheaded connection to Sheila. So far, not a peep.

Say the right thing, Carter. Finally, someone on this show gives advice and admits their own mistakes. Thank you, Carter, for saving yourself from the hypocrite's trash compactor.

"If I only had a plot." Liam continued to wander aimlessly, playing the role of Steffy's echo. Liam worries about how Sheila's presence will affect Steffy and her kids. Meanwhile, Hope is becoming more involved with Deacon and Sheila. That doesn't worry Liam for Beth's sake?

The other parts of the family trees. Deacon wants Hope and Finn to stand up for the bride and groom at the wedding. Instead of trying to guilt them into it, maybe Deacon should shake other branches of his and Sheila's family trees and see who might show up. I say invite Deacon Jr., Diane, and Mary. It would be refreshing to see Deacon and Sheila have some support against the Forresters.

According to spoilers, Sheila wears a gorgeous black, laced gown designed by Ridge, who gave it to her because he was so grateful that she'd saved Kelly and fought to protect Steffy. Psych! I don't know who designed the gown, but Kimberlin Brown looks stunning as she plays a blushing bride at the Il Giardino wedding, officiated by the homeless man. The spoilers warn to expect the unexpected, and my guess is that the confronter in chief will show up to shove Sheila's face in the cake.

Finn helps Hope with a medical issue. Could it be prescription mints to help her tolerate Steffy? Hope fainted recently, but I hope she doesn't need a test like the one Luna took. Stay tuned.

That's it, scoopers. I'm all scooped out, but if I missed something that entertained or irritated you from last week, talk about in the comments section below. Until we scoop again, stay bold and beautiful, baby!

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