Voice activated, or, the role of Brooke Logan is now being played by Alexa

This week, B&B brought their signature Bridge/Tridge triangle to Colorado. But after three decades, can even falling leaves and rushing rivers make this trio fresh? With a victimized Brooke, it's New Year's Eve all over again -- is it a pain in the Aspen? And is it worth the re-undoing of Thomas? Hit record with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you give the saying "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again" the ultimate brush-off? Did you go to school and come home with your old face instead of homework? Did you find your deeds most app-etizing? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Walton clan this week!

I've been writing these columns almost 13 years, and even those of you who have been reading them a quarter of that time know I say what's on my mind about B&B. So Imma keep it as real here as I ever have -- does anybody actually, really care about the Brooke/Ridge/Taylor triangle anymore? Does anybody really want to see a 50+ Ridge bouncing back and forth between his two doormats like he was stuck in a pinball machine?

I've read a good deal of social media posts from both those on Team Brooke and Team Taylor, from the Taylor trashers to the Brooke bashers. And I just can't understand what would get anyone remotely fired up about either of Ridge's couplings. My hard crushing on Thorsten Kaye aside, I am beyond over Ridge jumping ship the second either Brooke or Taylor disappoints him. Can you tell me what's worth watching here?

Honestly, it's as stale as a box of Cheerios left open since 1990, which is how long this has been going on. Aspen is beautiful, and, as always, this cast gives even the most tedious lines their ever-lovin' all. But man, this week, even with only four episodes, was a tough slog, which shows you how honor bound I am to columnize for you. And then, Thomas went back to the Dark Side to make it happen! Let's Scoop about it!

Deacon made a sudden appearance, being asked by his co-worker if he knew the whereabouts of some errant steaks and a bottle of whiskey. Deacon didn't know, but I'm surprised he wasn't interrogated further. Surely it's out that Deacon is a convicted felon. Instead, Deacon shrugged, and he went upstairs to his above-ristorante loft to find Sheila cooking up the contraband.

Now, just a second. Isn't the whole reason Deacon is letting Sheila bunk with him because she dangled a boatload of money in front of him as a lease agreement? If Sheila is so flush -- and she must have a stash somewhere, or she couldn't have bought her Lina mask and wig -- then why did she have to resort to stealing food from Il Giardino? Just for the thrill of it?

At first, Deacon was all kissy about his nine-toed lover serving up a stolen meal, but then he flip-flopped to his usual resistance to Sheila's presence and demands that she never leave the apartment. If that wasn't enough, Sheila, out of nowhere, asked why Y&R's Nikki Newman wanted to meet with Deacon. That happened days ago already, even in soap time. This is the first time Sheila's bringing it up?

Sheila was upset that Deacon didn't tell her there was a Genoa City resident within range. That would have been great if we had expounded on it a little more. Like maybe, as I suggested in my last column, Sheila might be nervous that Nikki could report a Sheila sighting to Lauren? Deacon changed the subject and implied that Sheila was jealous of Nikki.

I'm glad that Nikki's appearance was addressed, but I don't understand why Sheila is doing nothing but hiding out and lurking around Il Giardino in disguise. I mean, this is the show that seemingly killed Sheila off one week and had her re-emerge, self-mutilated, the very next week. Why isn't Sheila becoming Hayes's nanny or otherwise insinuating herself into Finn's life? It's just an odd stall in the story.

Speaking of Il Giardino, evidently the only place to go out to eat in L.A., Bill met Katie at a table there, with no Deacon in sight. I think some dialogue happened, but I was distracted by the monotony of it -- and also Bill's hair. He's sporting some seriously buzzed, red-dyed sides; maybe he went to the same stylist who gave Liam his night-before-marrying-Hope punker hair ten years ago?

Anyway, Bill went into yet another diatribe about wanting to reconcile with Katie. Despite Bill's very astute observation that it wasn't Katie's responsibility to make him a better man (a flip on Bill too often saying over the years that Katie made him better), I don't personally think it's a reunion Bill wants. "I want my Katie back," he declared. Bill just keeps pursuing Katie because she keeps telling him no.

Kind of like how hellbent he was on getting "Sky" built, remember? Thankfully, Katie put a halt to construction. She told the Dollah that she believed his resolve and that she actually wanted to put their marriage and family back together, but there was that little matter of Bill having appointed Brooke as the love of his life. "What does that make me?" Katie rightly wanted to know.

Okay. Get this. Katie divorced Bill in 2016, and more recently left his ass in 2020 after Quinn filled that digital frame with video of Brooke and Bill kissing. 2020. Bill has been chasing after Katie for two years, in real time! And even if Katie might have inched toward a reunion last year, that got blown when Bill chucked evidence to prevent the law from finding out that Liam hit Vinny with Bill's car.

So, why are we still on this? It's just weird that Bill would be so bound and determined to chase Katie, a woman he's really never been all that into, for this long. There were some crackles between Li and Bill, once she phased out of her crazed, feral state, that is. How come nothing is being done to advance that? And there's no reason Katie shouldn't be dating someone by now.

As if my vibrations had been picked up upon, Katie ditched Bill and went back to Forrester (at least someone's at work there, with so many in Aspen), and who should walk in? Carter! We know two things: that Rena Sofer is gone, and that Quinn's 10-20 is unaccounted for. So, my soap calculator comes up with the solution that Carter and Katie are soon going to be a thing, as their brief scene this week hinted. You watch!

Forrester (ahem, Marone) Thomas and Logan Donna butted heads this week over Brooke and the inevitability of Brooke's marriage tanking, with Eric trying to referee. Eric's desire to remain neutral is certainly consistent with his character, going decades back. I just don't know that I needed to see two days of Donna defending her sister while Thomas talked smack about her.

I'm also not sure what to make of the strange buckle on the shoulder of Thomas' shirt. But anyway. Thomas crowed that Taylor would never betray Ridge, and again, I remind you that Ridge left Taylor in 2006 because she kissed Hector and kept secret her long-before dalliance with James Warwick, all the while decrying Brooke's slut-from-the-Valleyness. I don't expect Thomas to remember that, but I expect the show to.

In the middle of all this, Douglas and his voice sampling/producing app walked in -- and Douglas pulled an Al Corley! Okay, that's a vintage reference, but I mean when Al Corley's Steven was replaced by Jack Coleman on Dynasty, followed by Al Corley returning as Steven for Dynasty: The Reunion. In B&B terms, Henry Joseph Samiri is back after Django Ferri played Douglas for the past two months!

Wonder what happened there? Was Ferri just a temporary recast because HJS wasn't available? Soap news seemed to indicate that Django was a permanent replacement. I know lots of viewers preferred HJS; I dunno. But I do know Douglas got his voice app to sound like Eric -- in front of Eric and Donna, no less, and Thomas was none too pleased.

Douglas loved that the software fooled people. Should we be worried that Thomas' gaslighting and CGI ghost torture of Douglas has finally begun to affect the boy's behavior? Because I was getting a definite sneaky vibe from Douglas. Turned out the real reason Thomas sent Douglas away to do his homework wasn't because Douglas was replicating Eric's voice. It was because Thomas had replicated Brooke's voice!

Yep! As most of us figured, Thomas was the one who set Brooke up by sampling her voice then calling Child Protective Services on himself by holding the recordings of Brooke up to the phone. I did like that we got retroactive flashbacks showing how Thomas pulled off the deed. Not that it was much of a mystery. But it means that Thomas is back to his old tricks, and it's a rotten shame.

Not to mention, it completely undoes that whole thing about the bleeding in Thomas' brain causing his aberrant actions. Unless said bleeding has started again, it means that everything Thomas has done in Matthew Atkinson's personification had no physical cause behind it. It's all been mental, and Thomas is as mental as anything. I actually did think for a while that he had legit changed, but that's over.

And once Thomas' part in Bridge's Breakup #11,912 comes out -- and it will -- Thomas is SOL in terms of getting full custody of Douglas. In fact, Hope would probably be able to get full custody of the little guy herself. I wouldn't mind seeing Hope taking Thomas to court and the whole Beth/Hope/Zoe/mannequin mess coming out. Maybe if Thomas ever got anything but a slap on the hand, he might attempt real change.

Ah, so now we get into the meat of it. Here's what makes this latest Bridge/Tridge triviality a bust. Taylor has enough sense to realize that any declarations of love from Ridge can blow up in her face in an instant, but she falls for them, anyway. And Ridge is clearly on course to take back his waffling crown from Liam. Ridge is also consistent; he's always run to Brooke when disillusioned with Taylor, and Taylor when disillusioned with Brooke.

The difference is, it used to take years. Now it's weeks, and Ridge must have the d**k of death, else why would these women keep taking him back? Show a little self-respect already! Then there's Brooke, who, for the second time this year, has had her marriage torpedoed by the trickery of an outsider. First it was Sheila's label switching, now it's Thomas voice apping!

Hasn't this gotten old? And continuing to cast Brooke as the victim doesn't make anyone happy. Brooke fans don't want to see her keep getting done over, and Brooke's haters want real reasons for Brooke to end up in the doghouse, not things that can be excused by others' deceptions. It might be October, but it's New Year's Eve all over again -- and that already lasted more than six months the first time.

The part that has most of us shaking our heads is that we know how this is going to go down. Ridge will reunite with Taylor but think of Brooke, which is already happening. Ridge will find out that Thomas made the call to CPS, not Brooke, and, after Thomas gets a free pass, Ridge will make his explanations to Taylor and go running back to Brooke. And Brooke will let him come home.

Why not? That's how 2022 has played out already, and there's not much call to believe that there'll be any interesting twists shaking up the outcome. You know, when other soaps' stories get even less worn out than this one is, a new head writer is brought in to jazz things up. B&B would only benefit from such a substitution. At the very least, ask the cast what they want to play! They know their alter egos' personalities enough that they could craft in-character scenarios that would be challenging for them and entertaining for us.

But they say enlightenment is dealing with what is. And "what is" is sitting through Steffy gloating over her parents' reunion. Gag me with a spoon, a spatula, a ladle -- anything. Is the Sexy CEO really so clueless that she doesn't see there's not a chance in hell of this sticking? Shrink Taylor, especially, should see that Ridge, who isn't even divorced and has made no move to instigate one, is on the serious rebound...again.

There seemed to be glimmers of that as Steffy spied Brooke through the window, trying to make her case to Ridge. Taylor stopped Steffy from running outside and confidently said she wanted to see how Ridge would handle the sitch. But Taylor's resoluteness faltered more and more with each minute Ridge spent with Brooke, to the point Taylor became visibly agitated.

Uh-huh. Taylor knows. She'd told Ridge that she was "still a little scared," and she should listen to that gut feeling. I listened as Steffy told her mother, "You wish you could lock Brooke in a gondola," and I had to laugh to myself. Nice reference to the infamous 2011 Aspen story that saw Hope contained in such so Steffy could marry Liam literally under Hope's nose.

Brooke got nowhere with an unusually clammed-up Ridge. "Whatever you're holding in," Logan beseeched him, "just say it!" But Ridge wouldn't say it. Nay, he took a page from too many politicians' playbooks and turned it around on her. "Why are you pretending you don't know?" Ridge growled. "What I need to hear is the truth from you!" Since when does Bridge communicate in code?

I bet Ridge was a hit in middle school, not telling girls why he was breaking up with them. That's about the maturity level we got from him as he stood there and expected Brooke to read his mind about why he was ricocheting back to Taylor. It was maddening. If that's supposed to be good soap, it isn't. Sure, miscommunications abound, but petulantly withholding a key piece of information, Ridge, is a bonehead move.

And the thing is, Brooke could put a stop to this with three words! "Taylor...shot...Bill!" Do you really think Ridge would run to Taylor, knowing that Taylor did a Sheila? Of course, maybe Ridge would, because Taylor popped Bill for supposedly defiling Steffy, and Bill is an arch nemesis of Ridge's. Still, Brooke keeps having to hear how good Taylor is, when Brooke has this ammunition she's not using.

Wouldn't that freshen things up! And point out the elephant in the room that has dropped so much dung on the carpet by now, a thousand Stanley Steemers couldn't get the smell out. I thought of this especially when Steffy came by to rub Ridge's desertion in Brooke's face and championed Taylor's "dignity" and "principles." Brooke didn't want Beth around Taylor; why would Brooke want Ridge with his gun-toting ex?

I know B&B doesn't do layers anymore, but I can't help thinking of them. Brooke could blow up Tridge before Carter can even file divorce papers. Finally, it wouldn't only be Brooke, Hope, Liam, Steffy, and Bill who know what Taylor did. Taylor would have to face down her actions and perhaps realize that there's something hereditary going on with her and Thomas (hey, Taylor's brother Zack and ex-husband Blake were both prone to violence).

That could lead to Thomas and Taylor working together, and with on-screen healthcare professionals, to find some true healing. And let's bring Bill into this. Instead of being a broken record about wanting Katie back, Bill, as Taylor's victim, could be Taylor's biggest adversary. Of course, Bill likes devious women, so he'd probably fall for Taylor himself, which would drive Ridge nuts. Which Ridge so deserves.

Eh, a guy can dream. I've just seen this movie before, dozens of times, and no matter how often you "be kind, rewind," it doesn't change the ending. This VHS tape is so threadbare, it barely plays anymore. How did we go from Finn revealing his living state to Steffy to this in just over two months? Poor Finn, back from the dead, only to be ditched by his wife, who's more interested in her parents' love life than her own!

So, Ridge and Taylor got busy in a romantic setting created by Steffy. Who stages a room full of candles (a trick Steffy got from Liam) so their parents can boff? Eww! But that's what Taylor and Ridge did for the first time since Taylor came back, with Ridge rolling off her and panting in a move that reminded me of Brooke's famous O in her office with Deacon.

Not that I was complaining about getting to watch Thorsten Kaye lolling around shirtless in bed. But his avatar, Ridge, was doing exactly what I knew he'd be doing. He was wearing that constipated expression that Liam always gets when he's with Steffy while thinking about Hope, or the other way around. Taylor dozed peacefully, but she should be having nightmares about getting dumped for Brooke, 'cuz it's gonna happen again.

Across town, after Bill got dumped for the zillionth time by Katie, his phone rang, and wouldn't you know, it was Othello. I was wondering why the former DJ and apparently current real estate go-between was lurking around, spying on Bridge's dissolution. I guess Othello must be Bill's bitch by now, because the O-Man couldn't wait to spill every drop of tea he had on Brooke having been left alone crying by Ridge.

How convenient, Othello calling about Brooke virtual seconds after Katie walked out on Bill because she wasn't convinced he wouldn't want Brooke over her. Proving Katie's point, the first thing Bill did was hightail it to Brooke's house, offering strong arms and a flaming red undercut to surround her with. Just one more example of "everything old is old again" -- Bill's got Li in the wings, but we've gotta have him run to Brooke!

I feel like the show goes out of its way to rerun its tiredest tropes. Couldn't we at least have had Bill make a snarky remark about Taylor once he found out Ridge bounced back to her? Bill knows better than anybody what a good shot Taylor is. I'd have loved to see Bill say something like, "Well, I guess that poser dressmaker better start having bull's-eyes stitched onto his shirts!"

Did I hit the bull's-eye here, Scoopers? Or do you have different opinions about our soap? Either way, let your fingers sample your voice and make a call to the Comments section below or the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could end up in a future column! Like this one!

"Thank you, Mike, thank you! Finally someone remembers the show's history!!" -- "Suzannah14_54"

It's in my contract! In other soap news, Alley Mills -- our one and only Pammy -- has migrated over to GH! Don't know what happened there, either, but unless Mills gets some guest appearances, that's it for Pam and Charlie, B&B's longest-enduring couple ("longest-enduring" as in "longest with no breakups"; Pharlie got together in 2013). Too bad their only slight flirtation with a wedding got chucked by Quinn four years ago. Maybe before Mills hits Port Charles, we can at least get some quick Charlie and Pam vows? Please?

I vow to keep Scooping for you, even when I'm less than entranced with the show's offerings. Next up: Liam and Hope will help Brooke figure out why Ridge jettisoned Brooke without even so much as an "Oh, Logan." Should we start taking bets as to how long it will be before Taylor is left Ridge-less once again? I'll say November 21! Keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. See you in two weeks, soap fans!

What are your thoughts on ? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.