"Still" kickin'

Two Scoops' Mike outran a hurricane to bring you the tale of Sheila on auto-repeat, a whistle-blown Watie, and the possibility of the long-dead Still at the center of a revenge plot! Talk about gettin' bold!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you 3D-copy money so you could 3D-copy a former storyline? Did you get caught with your sword down? Did you start thinking revenge is a dish best served sizzling hot? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Spectra clan this week!

I made it back, Scoopers! I just escaped from being held prisoner in a basement for six weeks by Dan J Kroll! Okay, that's not what happened at all. I had to drop everything and run down to Florida to rescue my mother from Hurricane Irma. It was an adventure worthy of soaps, driving through three states, with her dependent on oxygen, her cat along for the ride, and repeated difficulty finding lodging. Beat that, B&B!

Irma thankfully wussed out by the time she reached my mom's part of Florida; her home was undamaged, and all's well that ends well. Of course, since I stayed down there an extra week, I ended up with a lot of B&B to catch up on. I think I like Liam with bigger balls in his pants! And yet, it seems like some scripts are stuck on repeat. Good thing you long-suffering Stillers seem about to get your wish! Let's Scoop about it!

PAINT BY NUMBERS

All these weeks, and Sheila is still pining over Eric and wanting her now-finished portrait ('bout time, Beatrice) over his mantel. Even though Dan trapped me in his dungeon like Sheila (LOL), I do have to agree with his assessment that the Summer of Sheila hasn't been working. There's too much potential with Sheila's character, her past, her flaws, to have her wasting away chasing after a man she lost in 1995.

If they really wanted to #Bold30 this up, they should have Lauren cross over from Y&R and pop into Il Giardino for lunch, only to find Scotty's kidnapper serving up the prosciutto. Like Eric, of all people, would keep Lauren in the dark about Sheila's return? At least Sheila had experience waitressing at the Genoa City Athletic Club while she was masquerading as Jennifer. Not that Sheila could put that on her rsum!

Which makes you wonder, would a posh Beverly Hills ristorante really hire a convicted felon? Or did Sheila skip that admission on her application? Also, the customers love her, but do absolutely none of them recognize the notorious criminal from the media, and does her appreciative boss really not know who he's hired? Hope James visits to tell him about his personal history with Sheila and kitchen knives.

So Sheila catches Katie and Wyatt making out while waiting for a table, and Sheila gets someone to cover for her on her first week for the express purpose of running to Eric with the info. Why? Blabbing about Ridge and Quinn's tonsil hockey at least furthered Sheila's agenda, but whispering about Watie doesn't do a thing for her. Why would Eric care who his stepson is schtupping? Sheila earned no points with Eric on that one.

Also, this whole thing with Sheila's shenanigans is that it blows the idea of her being rehabilitated right out of the water -- which sucks, because that's a much better story. Sheila's getting lazy to boot, reaching back to tricks she pulled 15 and 20 years ago. Hey, let's get handsome Mateo to seduce Quinn away from Eric. Like she got Lance to seduce Amber, and Curtis to seduce Maggie! I don't forget, y'all.

HEY, DIRTAY BABY, I GOTCHER MONEY

Wait, who was that chick with the Australian accent hanging out in -- oh, it's Ivy! You still work there? Apparently Ivy's not letting any grass grow under her off-screen feet, 'cuz she's seeing someone "very new" and not wanting to jinx it. Some fans think she and Carter might finally be gettin' some luv. All I know is I always dish my romantic life (when I have one) with people who push me off bridges into French rivers. Always!

Ivy lamented that Sheila almost ruined Quinn's marriage, forgetting it was Quinn getting beard burn from Ridge that did that. Quinn self-righteously added, "I never believed [Sheila] when she said she had changed." Um, Quinn, wasn't that your claim when you texted Wyatt, saying you were in a psych ward? And again after you locked Liam away in your cabin? Liam, I know what you went through, dude. Thanks, Dan.

Sheila's so off her game. She takes a picture of Ridge and Quinn trapped in an elevator then goes to Plan B with Mateo, Eric's new estate manager. Sheila handed the stubbly stud a wad of cash, assuring no less than three times in the same conversation, "There's more where that came from." Seriously? When not long ago Sheila tried to blackmail Charlie into giving her money because she couldn't pay her motel bill?

Yeah, those tips at Il Giardino must be off the hook, because Sheila promised Mateo 100,000 smackers if he'd do some lip-smacking with Quinn. Lawd, this again? Suppose Sheila succeeds in getting Eric to dump Quinn for good. That does not mean Eric is just going to up and marry Sheila -- though, admittedly, Quinn doesn't know about that kiss Eric shared with Sheila in the motel. Why doesn't Sheila just stir up trouble with that?

WATIE 'TIL IT'S TOO LATEY

Per Sheila's instruction, Eric dashed over to his neighbor Katie and found out it was a beautiful day in the neighborhood! Katie tried to reach for a cardigan to cover Wyatt asking, "Would you be mine?" Well, ruff ruff meow meow, because Eric looked like the cat who ate the canary. "Yeah, what's new?" Eric asked, with the most delightful smirk on his face. Isn't John McCook playing comedy just the best thing ever?

As predicted, Eric didn't care about finding Katie and Wyatt in a clinch! Yet it was set up as some sort of cliffhanger -- would he rat Wyatt out to mama Quinn? This is a full-on non-issue. As is Wyatt's worry that Bill will go "ballistic" when he finds out. Why would he? Bill threw Katie away like a used dryer sheet three times (once over Steffy, twice over Brooke). I wonder why no one's concerned about little Will's reaction?

Maybe "Mommy, why is my brother my daddy" questions are non-issues themselves in this burg. Instead, Wyatt asked, "Who is dad without Spencer Publications?" Dude, you broached that with Katie, who also booted Bill out as CEO? That 2013 coup is certainly not getting mentioned. Katie didn't even flinch. But don't worry, Wyatt. Bill didn't try to get revenge on Katie, so he's probably not gonna exact retribution on Liam, either.

THOSE ABS ARE LIKE SO SHREDDED

I just don't get Wyatt. This is the guy whose first scene showed him taking a solar shower in the woods, yet he sides with Bill against Liam for being a tree-hugger. Maybe that whole fighting over Hope thing made Wyatt anti-environment. Bill's not, though, assuming he's going to recycle all that paper he was shredding. Hold the phone -- he's getting rid of "tax records" that are "too sensitive to leave at the office"?

Is Bill taking a cue from this week's Puerto Rican paper towel chucker? Guess Justin must have sneaked those docs out of the office, but it seems to me Bill has even more to hide, and he lost IQ points, telling Wyatt, who could easily fink to Liam. That is, if Wyatt wasn't so busy finking to Bill about Liam suggesting the bros run Spencer Publications together.

Having Wyatt and Liam in charge makes total sense, but of course Wyatt has to disagree with Liam for the sake of disagreeing. I liked them better when they joined in making snarky comments about Bill. Wyatt's rationale is that he doesn't want to kick Bill while he's down. I can understand that, but that didn't stop Ridge, who taunted the Dollah at Forrester and then headed to Brooke's for some pressurized non-pressuring.

I guess we're back to Brill vs. Bridge, a triangle I don't need to see again. I'm always gonna prefer Bridge out of sheer history and the fact that Thorsten Kaye rocks my clock; we're just doing this too many times. I support Brooke leaving Bill over his arranging the Spectra fire, but Brooke, really... "I want to know that I married a good man"? You've known Bill was an ass ever since he put out that video about you mask-boinking Oliver!

Ridge actually ditched his so-over-it navy suits for a gray one, then talked to Brooke about them growing old and gray together, envisioning Brooke maybe needing a walker. Brooke enjoyed "picturing us in our twilight years," and I admit I thought the scene was cute. Are we being set up for a final Bridge-as-endgame? Maybe we'll actually get to see Brooke and Ridge's twilight years if B&B makes it to 2037. Let's go, #Bold50!

SLOWLY BUT SHIRLEY

Aside from Sally, all the nuSpectra characters have suffered from marked underdevelopment. But it seems Shirley Spectra finally has a distinct pattern of established behavior -- she's a skeeze! She hated Thomas until he dropped a bundle on Spectra, and now she's pushing Sally toward Liam because he's helping to rebuild the burned-out design house. Is Shirley auditioning to be the next Captain Obvious?

Really, the way Shirley wanted Sally to go after the married Liam was super skankified. "The Forresters don't stay married for long," Grams insisted...but wait, she isn't really wrong, is she? Shirley was also on point when she reminded Sally that Steffy was "to blame for Thomas' baby mama coming back and dragging him away." Okay, Shirley, you get a pass there...but my "Sally Says Recycle" sign is permanently scorched. Sob!

Shirley claimed that Sally lit up when Liam walked into the room -- just as Bill has theorized that Liam has a thing for Sally. I don't see that, at least not yet, but I do see trouble on the horizon with Liam's suggestion that they fly to San Francisco to see Spencer's architects. Hope they don't bring a bottle of tequila, 'cuz the combo of that and Frisco is what got us started on this whole Quidge mess...

I LOST MY TOOTH IN SAN FRANCISCO

You gotta give Liam credit for one thing -- he was up-front with Steffy about Sally going to SFO with him. Steffy didn't care for Liam's "so sad, too bad" reaction when she voiced her displeasure, but you'd think she would. I mean, Liam's acting a lot more like Bill these days, which should have Steffy ovulating like crazy. Didn't Steffy say a few weeks ago that she and Liam were testing out her rebooted uterus?

Liam clearly said there was nothing romantic in flying Sally to Frisco, but Steffy marched into Spectra and basically told Sally she was basic. Sally had better not step up on her man, and by the way, taking money from Thomas and then Liam was so not cool. "You're the CEO," Steffy said of Sally's Spectra restoration problem, "you fix it!" Can't argue with that, can we?

I don't think B&B can decide if Steffy and Sally are enemies or not. Steffy melted when Sally gave her the only design that didn't get torched at Spectra, only to later rant that she was tired of "emotional freeloaders taking advantage of my husband." Who exactly are you referring to, Steffy? Hope? Ivy? Quinn? Didn't quite get that one, though Steffy's "I really thought there was more to you" blurred the frenemy line with Sally even more.

Sally took Steffy's threats -- ahem, words -- to heart, going to Liam on the Spencer jet and essentially parroting Steffy's observations back to him. Sally thought Liam buying her a building and rebuilding the building to undo Bill's deeds was too much. It's not like Bill had anything to do with the fire, right? Right? Liam's silence there was a brilliant touch. Sally figured it out for herself. Bill is so mega busted!

Makes Steffy seem pretty dirty herself, seeing she's had all these convos with Sally since the fire and never once mentioned that she knew Bill was behind it. Liam didn't want Sally going to the cops (once again, a B&B character commits a crime and doesn't go to the slammer). Sally complied, even more grateful to Liam and proving it with a kiss on the cheek. Rut-ro. That's how it starts!

STILL THE ONE

Steffy squealed about Liam using company contractors to renovate Spectra, running straight to Bill "I've Learned My Lesson But I'm Still a Hostile Ass" Spencer. Steffy was all boo-hoo about Liam spending time with another woman, as if she hadn't made a career out of being Liam's other woman before. Bill didn't even suggest trapping Sally in a gondola. Instead, he flashed back to his own cha-cha-cha with Steffy!

Was Steffy twelve back then? That's right, Bill recalled calling Steffy's 2009 seduction bluff -- the time she tried to use her barely legal wiles to sweet-talk control of Forrester out of Bill, which led to that whole REST stock split-up. Ooh, Scoopers, you know it's bad when Bill starts fantasizing about women. We're still dealing with the fallout from him drooling over Brooke's boobs!

Ever since 2011, when B&B had Taylor ice out Bill and Steffy's attempt at lovemaking and got Steffy to whack her head in Jackie's bathtub so she'd gravitate toward Liam, Still has had a dedicated following that has never given up hope. Pretty amazing when you consider Bill and Steffy were never actually a couple. Six years later, Stillers may finally be getting their wish, between the flashbacks and electricity Still still has.

I was so not about Still the first time because Bill was married to Katie, and Steffy was just an infatuated kid with daddy issues. But now...well, I know Bill is married to Brooke, but given how stained that coupling is, they hardly count, and Brooke walked, anyway. Steffy's most definitely a woman now. I would fully be on board with Still 2017. I better see these two bumping uglies soon. Don't tease me!

All this yapping about Bill getting revenge this week, and all I could think was, "What's taking so long?" I mean, Bill should have been replacing Liam's tofu with actual meat weeks ago. But now I have to wonder...is Bill going to have his Steffy cake and eat it, too, by fulfilling an eight-year fantasy and getting back at Liam at the same time? You have to admit, that would be epic.

Might be even more epic if Bill got Steffy pregnant. Y'all know that Stallion sperm is so potent, it even knocked up menopausal Brooke four years ago! In a recent interview, Jacqueline MacInnes Wood said that she and Don Diamont have always continued to play Still's undercurrent of attraction, which has not gone unnoticed by me. All that buildup could make Still the hottest thing we've seen all year...if B&B lets it happen!

There's "Still" time for y'all to voice your opinions, Scoopers. Is Watie making too big a deal about themselves? Should Sheila hit "Update All" on her playbook? And should Bill and Steffy just do it already? Tell us everything in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

"Bill belongs with Steffy, no other pairing could ever compare to their amazing hot chemistry. #STILLISRISING" -- @TriciaR_1

"Steffy and Bill going to hook-up. Liam is taking a look at Sally. I LOVE SALLY SPECTRA. Let there be a Liam and Sally relationship." -- @locallady0959

"I'm loving all the stories right now. (And that is sayin' somethin'.)" -- Miss Gracie

Here's sayin' somethin' -- I step away from Two Scoops for six weeks and come back to find Jax is the new Thorne! For B&B to add a GH vet like Ingo Rademacher to the cast, it has to mean Thorne is getting a real story, but it's also kind of dog. Winsor Harmon has languished in Recurring Hell since 2010; Thorne finally gets something to do, only someone else is gonna play him. Hmmmm... Anyway, thanks for 20 years of Thorne, Winsor!

If y'all equate Hallowe'en with witches, you can catch more of my writings in my book, The Bewitched Continuum. As for B&B, looks like Still is about to cast its spell on us, so keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. And remember, now more than ever, no matter color, creed, religion, gender identity, or orientation, we're all beautiful.

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