Stars and stripes

Stripes are so in this year, between Sally's wardrobe and her brush with the big house. Yet Bill and Zende fancied themselves stars while Katie played jailer! Pay a conjugal visit with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you only deliver mail that was black? Did you design yourself a Band-Aid for your bruised ego? Did your pre-trial end up being a case of home improvement? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Avant-Spectra clan this week!

Here we are again, Scoopers! We're into May Sweeps now, though I don't get that same excitement in recent years that I used to when stories would come to a head and the plot twists were fast and furious. Still, despite a tepid triangle and an out-of-nowhere career change, this week provided some ace performances -- and who knew Home Improvement's goofy Al could play it straight? Let's Scoop about it!

AVAILABLE IN THE FAMILY PACK

I don't know about y'all, but to me, there was something fulfilling about watching Eric and Ridge design together at the Forrester manse. Maybe because it felt like a throwback to the old days, when these guys were a team. But Stephanie's busybody DNA must have absorbed into the walls, because Eric just couldn't leave it alone, asking Ridge for the millionth time what happened to torpedo Ridge's marriage to Brooke in Australia.

"Our instincts are very important to us," Eric observed, attributing this heightened sensitivity to the fact that he and Ridge are artists. All the more reason Eric should know every time he hits a wall about Bridge's breakup that it has something to do with Quinn. Eric can't not be picking up on the signals from all the diversions surrounding him, including from Quinn herself. It's like he's choosing to be a prisoner of denial.

Pam also stopped by for a chat about Quinn being Eric's inspiration, and though she didn't say it, you know she had to be thinking about Charlie's lipsticked napkin when Eric talked about how much he trusted Quinn. Of course Eric has to be the last to know, but he's nearing sap territory. I wonder if he'll keel over again once he learns his beloved Quinn swapped spit with Ridge?

WORKING ON THE CHAIN GANG

Ivy was so stunned upon her return to find Katie on her jewelry design team that she seemed to slip in and out of her Aussie accent. And who can blame her: Katie knows sod all about building baubles. Of course, the former PR girl knew nothing about being a CEO, either, and somehow handled that. Ivy quickly figured out that Katie had bullied her way into Forrester with her awareness of Quidge's liplock.

"It's amazing what a little power will do to someone," Quinn grumbled. Boy, are we living that one right now. But I'm surprised Quinn isn't more tempted by the Dark Side. She was ready to pretend Katie was an envelope with her letter opener, which I'd like to see more of. Wouldn't it be fun to watch Katie fall victim to one of Quinn's criminal impulses? Katie's never had that story, and Heather Tom would um, kill it.

Doesn't Katie blackmailing Quinn strike you as out of character? Unless she picked up some pointers from her years married to Bill. Even Brooke told her sis to knock it off. Given that a year ago, #DrunkKatie was paranoid over Brill, the Logan lasses seem awfully chummy. Katie extorting from Brooke and/or Bill would have made more sense. Instead, she smirked through Ridge's plea to keep Eric ignorant of Quinn's wayward lips.

I think I see more blackmail on the horizon with the hint that Bill would hold whatever Ridge did over his head. Though how they'll top dumping each other out of helicopters, I don't know. By the way, how much fun is Wyatt these days? I love that he's sassing Bill, and once again, his brotherly bond with Liam is pure gold. "I admire Dad," Wyatt admitted. "You don't have to do that," Liam replied. "He's not here." Love. It!

PRISONERS OF LOVE

For all Bill's bravura about having emerged victorious in the less-than-torrid Brill/Bridge triangle, Don Diamont let a flicker of doubt show through Bill's armor. And I didn't miss the wince when Brooke insisted to her coworkers that she's committed to Bill. Yeah, Brill ain't happening. You know Brooke's unprecedented proposal was only a reaction to Ridge's betrayal.

"You were planning a wedding with me five minutes ago," Ridge rightly pointed out to Brooke. "What's the rush?" Then he noted, "Belief is something you've been working on for a long time. And look -- it's good!" The reference was so subtle, even I might not have realized he was talking about BeLieF without my closed captions. Kick-ass! #Bold30 lives! Ah, makes me wish Brooke would get back into the lab.

Then Bill arrived, wanting Ridge's "pathetic groveling and pleading" to stop. Knowing how much Bill loves mirrors, I'm surprised he didn't see himself in that statement. Wasn't he embodying those same verbs the whole first quarter of this year? I need this triangle to stop. Besides, Brooke's hesitation to obey Bill's on-the-spot command and insist to Ridge there was no more chance for them should tell Bill everything.

RATTLING HIS CAGE

Over at Forrester, Zende revealed to us that he and Nicole are trying to have a baby. Wow, that was out of left field, wasn't it? I mean, it's only natural for newlyweds, but given all the hoo-ha over Nicole's actual and almost surrogacies, the idea of conception is a little more hot-button. A great story twist would be that it turns out Nicole can't have any more babies. How much booze would Zende down over that?

Fresh from "if at first you don't conceive, try, try again," Zende apparently got new ambition along with his new haircut. After only a year, he was already tired of being FC's photographer and set his sights on being a designer, showing Nicole a pad full of sketches he'd made after she went to bed. So Zende has enough energy to sit up all night drawing after babymaking? Nicole, girl, you better step up your game.

And where did Zende learn fashion design, from Google? In the '90s, Dylan Shaw studied design in college, interned at Forrester, and then attended the prestigious Design Academy, and he still didn't waltz in expecting a handout. Zende claimed Ridge had fast-tracked Thomas, but even Maya, who was nowhere near Forrester then and still Myron, to boot, knew Thomas had paid his dues first.

Indeed! Thomas was designing over at Spectra when Zende was still getting used to the American school system. Zende's new confidence and wardrobe is attractive, but he seriously thought Steffy and Thomas would let him jump on and help replace Forrester's stolen collection with zero actual experience. Just because getting into high-powered positions with no experience is kind of a thing these days.

Instead of understanding when Steffy reminded Zende they had no time to train him right now, Zende inexplicably tried to play the "Forrester kids get all the breaks" card. "Am I ever going to get a real opportunity here?" Zende whined. Dude, Rick gave you exactly that last year, and you quickly graduated from shooting shoes to immortalizing models. So go serve yourself a heaping glass of Shut the F Up!

PRISONER TRANSFER

I think Zende may have a problem, because there he was, drowning his sorrows again over the slightest upset. Only this time, C.J. stopped in for a quick one, as well. I do so love seeing Mick Cain again and wish he would stick around in major story, but is C.J. remembering his history correctly? He said his mom would never have confessed to ripping off Forrester and berated Sally 2.0 for not making "a single payment."

The O.S. (Original Sally) never had to confess because she always got snagged first, usually by Stephanie. And I'm confused: so nuSpectra made all this money, and they didn't use any of it to pay their rent? C.J. told Bill that the loan shark had gotten his money, but Sally needed $100,000 to keep Spectra's doors open. Whaaa? I think there wasn't enough coordination in the writing room on this one.

Anyway, back to Zende, who twice told Nicole, "I'm not really a Forrester, I'm a Dominguez." Well, hell, Thomas and Steffy aren't really Forresters, either, but being Marones hasn't stopped them. And it took Thomas to remind Zende that his own adoptive mother, Kristen, is a Forrester. How much more connected can you be? I guess someone needed to boo-hoo about being left out since Thomas stopped doing it.

I kept thinking, "Well, go to Spectra then, where your dad Tony made their runway caliente!" And wouldn't you know, C.J. dropped more than a subtle hint that Spectra could probably survive if they could find a designer who could spare some cash. So there you go. Only thing is, if that's the case, why doesn't C.J. just get his own designer dad, Clarke, to come home? It's not like Clarke hasn't saved Spectra before.

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENTS

Quinn attempts murder multiple times, Rick shoots at people at a place of business, and Bill breaks Deacon out of jail, but Sally lifts a few designs and gets put in handcuffs. And I about plotzed when Pam bewailed that Sally had stolen Forrester's entire collection. Seriously, Pam? You gave Jackie M stolen Forrester designs because you were hot for Nick. You got a slap on the hand, as did Rick, for doing the exact same thing.

I suppose it's a step up that someone on this show finally got arrested for committing an illegal act. Where are the stakes when characters get away with everything? But Sally, whose wardrobe often consists of stripes, had plenty of time to mull over what she'd wear in prison, because we dragged out her arrest an entire episode. Lt. Baker read her Miranda rights last Friday but she wasn't taken away until the end of Monday.

No wonder Pam "Lemon Bar" Douglas served Lt. Baker a hot dog. I wanted to arrest both of them. When Baker dealt with prison escapee Sheila back in 1998, you never saw him stop in the middle to wish he were an Oscar Meyer wiener. It may or may not be good continuity for B&B to bring up these character details, but it shouldn't be every time they're on. Or at inappropriate times like Sally's arrest.

That curry mustard must have been pretty good, because any other cop would have put Sally in a police car seconds after hanging with Miranda, but Lt. Baker let Thomas talk to Sally -- privately! -- all Monday's episode. It's a good thing Courtney Hope's knockout performance as Sally laid it on the line for Thomas distracted me from the foolery. Thomas coming back for a pre-arrest hug just proved how epic Tally is.

I'm a little skittish about their professions of love when they barely know each other, and can we please stop with the Australia flashbacks? It's the same three over and over! And Thomas repeated his claim from two weeks ago that he would have helped Sally had she asked. Helped how? Collaborating on designs with her? Floating her six-digit figures? Handing her stolen sketches himself?

The O.S. was never arrested for poaching designs, but Steffy took a harder line than her parents and grandparents with nuSally, which I couldn't disagree with. Steffy seemed to feel for Sally, especially with Coco, but couldn't let her go unpunished. And so, Sally was escorted out amid slo-mo shots and slightly overdramatic music, but the scene was still effective. Now we'd get to see Sally in jail!

WARDEN OFF THE RAIN

Not! Off-screen, Saul bailed Sally out with money that Shirley said he didn't have because he'd barely been paid. Where'd he get the cash, from returning all the Coco cams? It was such a cheat, not getting to watch Sally behind bars. Maybe it was too expensive to do up a jail set, as I realize soap budgets aren't what they used to be, but man, what a disappointment.

Shirley lamented "all those beautiful orders" and wouldn't listen when Sally insisted the game was over. Good for Sally for taking charge, and double kudos for stopping production on the stolen designs. Still don't get how Spectra even had buyers; everyone knew the dresses were knockoffs. One bad review scared them away, but the fact these gowns were plagiarized was fine and dandy?

Speaking of bad reviews, Bill crowed about how his handiwork in Jarrett's name had brought about the demise of Spectra and the birth of that skyscraper he won't shut up about. In contrast, Bill is much more true as a barracuda than he is fawning over Brooke. Now Bill wanted Jarrett to write Spectra's "obituary." Jarrett believes in Sally; why doesn't he just tell Bill to stick it? Forrester would make sure he worked.

TOOL TIME

Somehow, with no money and not knowing any lawyers in L.A., the nuSpectras hired themselves a guy who came off as a tool, relying on a lucky penny to win cases. But wait...here comes da judge...it's Home Improvement's Richard Karn! B&B wisely refrained from tapping into his comedic legacy by letting him play the magistrate as totally serious. Didn't know he had it in him! It was also like that with Betty White's Ann.

And look who's back in his element -- Carter. Nice to actually see him on a case and not just performing weddings. I'd have thought a pre-trial would have taken place in court, but at least we got an administrative building out of it. Sally recoiled as Judge Oplinger told her at best she'd do three years with good behavior and again as he refused to let Saul and Shirley speak on Sally's behalf because of their connection to her.

A little too conveniently, but no less impactfully, Thomas entered the judge's chamber and made the case that while Spectra Fashions should go under as punishment for raiding Forrester's collection, Sally had shown remorse and didn't deserve to go to prison. Even the jealous Saul and the seemingly heartless Shirley were moved, silently, by Sir Abs-a-lot's words. And so was I.

Sally ran after Thomas (who wouldn't?) and thanked him for potentially keeping her out of jail, then planted a big ol' kiss on him! Slightly undeveloped as they may be, Tally is the best thing going on B&B right now, and the best couple in a long time. Bless the soap gods for not inserting Wyatt in the middle of them. Thomas and Sally are fiyah -- I hope we get to do time with them for an extended sentence!

So, do you think Sally should go to jail? Is Katie tempting fate by continuing to piss off Quinn? Is Zende's desire to design genuine or just another example of Forrester entitlement? And what do you think should happen when Eric finds out about Ridge and Quinn? Put a file in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

"Thank you for saying there's no 'there' there with Quinn and Ridge. I [don't] see two people staring at each other like they were about to rip each other's clothes off. I can admit that the actors have some chemistry together but not sexual, IMO. These two served their purpose. They blew up Bridge...and gave Katie something to do...the last step on this ride should be Eric finding out and all the fallout from that." -- "StDanielle"

"[B&B is] nothing but flashbacks and [I don't like] most of the Spectra crew. I PVR it every day and fast forward through 90% of it. It's just gotten awful! I remember the best of this show! Brooke hooking up with Deacon, Stephanie at her finest...what it is now is embarrassing. Get rid of the Sally imitation and Saul." -- Amy

"The Brill [dollar dress] scene was nasty and disgusting and Brooke look like a fool in that mess. Bill looked like a john buying some P...now, Ridge and Quinn scenes were fun, playful and sexy. I believe Katie wants Ridge, that is why she is always in his business." -- Tracy

That's all I got, Scoopers! We'll do it all again in two weeks, and Chanel will deliver her own brand of Scoopness for you next column. Thank you all for reading, and come follow me on Twitter, where I also talk about a different show you may know and love. Even though B&B now offers a ten-second opening theme with no cast members, keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. And remember, now more than ever, no matter color, creed, religion, gender identity, or orientation, we're all beautiful.

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