Iceberg dead ahead

This week, our flagship families tackled icebergs of epic portions, but some fail to see the size of the bergs just below the surface of their good intentions. Ridge granted Thomas full access to Douglas, but that means to Caroline, too. The Avants sought to heal the family, but Maya forgot there was another sister on board. Bill dove in to to help Brooke, but it might cause a glacier of a problem for his marriage. Liam failed to lock his door, and you know what that means, this week on the Bold and the Beautiful.

"Well, I believe you may get your headlines, Mr. Isamay..." -- Edward J. Smith, Titanic , 1997 film.

If you ever heard of the Titanic, you know that the designers boasted that the luxurious liner would never sink. Such arrogance and overblown trust in their schematics caused them to neglect Titanic's major weakness -- trusting humans to do what's commanded of them. The human doing the unexpected on that fateful voyage was the ship's designer, Mr. Isamay, who forced the ship forward, faster than it should go. In the movie, Isamay wanted headlines about how fast she was. She was too fast, unfortunately, to steer clear of an iceberg noticed too late by crew. As the ship's bulkhead compartments filled up one by one and frigid water doomed the passengers, Smith told Mr. Isamay that he would get his headlines indeed.

The Unsinkable Bill Spencer wanted headlines, too, to tick up his Forrester stock -- even if it meant sinking his own niece. He employed Justin to dig up dirt to unseat Ridge as CEO but lucked upon a cracked door and a gold mine conversation between Katie and Thomas. Bill pried Ridge's secret out of Katie, because husbands and wives don't keep secrets -- unless the husband is Bill and the secret is that he's been dreaming of boinking his sister-in-law on his desk.

Katie swore Bill to matrimonial secrecy, but we know what Bill's wedding vows mean to him when Brooke is around. Bill told Brooke the secret about Thomas and Douglas. Bill thinks this is the iceberg that will sink Ridge, but could it be the one that actually sinks Bill's marriage?

Katie actually believed Bill would keep silent, even though he lied to her one year ago about not printing Maya's story. Ridge believed Katie wouldn't say anything to anyone, even though he'd found out that she'd twice said something to Thomas and once to Caroline.

Katie met with Ridge, Thomas, and Caroline. Thomas had refused to be Shanghaied by Ridge, but they'd come to an agreement about Douglas. The three lined up, all smiles, looking for Katie's approval of their choices -- as if Katie was the Child Protective Services agent in charge of ripping Douglas away from them. Katie assured Ridge that the secret was safe. Little did Katie know, the supposedly airtight bulkheads protecting her marriage were spilling over as she spoke.

The Spencer marriage was already struggling to stay afloat after a hit from iceberg Brooke. Just like the Titanic, Katie can stay afloat with some of the bulkheads filled, but one too many, and Katie will be nose-diving in vodka. Bill just blew a hole in the ship by betraying Katie's confidence to appease Brooke's worries about Rick.

That's right. It wasn't money, which Bill initially wanted. It was Brooke's one tear-leaky eye that got him to break a sacred marital vow in about five minutes flat. Even though Katie deserves someone to betray her confidence like she betrayed Ridge's, I'm not happy about the way this is going down. Katie asked for some R-E-S-P-E-C-T, not for Bill to betray her for Brookie. It's for real this time, not Katie's imagination.

It all started with Rick, who can't be satisfied with anything, and frankly, I'm not satisfied with Rick. I don't know who told him to shave off that sexy beard, but along with it, he shaved off about twenty years of maturity! He mentally reverted to the days when he used to whine to mommy, not daddy, about the big, bad Ridge.

You remember those days? "Mommy, Ridge punched me because I hooked up with his daughter, Phoebe...Mommy, Ridge hates me because I trick-bedded his other daughter, Steffy....Mommy, I'm faking paralysis so you pay me more attention than Ridge, and daddy will let be Forrester president!" This week, he faked something else to manipulate Brooke -- that he was leaving town because of Ridge.

Everybody knows that was one Big Mac, Whooper of lie with extra cheesy droning. It was just as big as his other tales of Ridge taking the house when Rick actually walked out -- and of Ridge taking the CEO chair when Rick had quit before Bill could vote against him. And Maya isn't leaving her family when they all just settled in Los Angeles with the new baby. Nicole's not leaving Zende, and Maya sure as hell ain't leaving Nicole.

Brooke sprang into mama-bear mode, just like Rick thought she would. After spending last Christmas alone, tucking every place card back in a box, she'll poke holes all down the side of Ridge's family hull to keep from spending another holiday alone. Douglas and Ridge are cute, but not that cute.

Apparently, Douglas can be damned, too, in the eyes of Uncle Bill. Even without talking to Caroline, Bill-- who thinks of her as a daughter -- has taken it upon himself to tell the mother of her husband's worst enemy about her deepest secret. Bill is gung-ho to help a man who humiliated Caroline, stayed fake-married to Caroline, dumped her for Maya, fired her, and then shot at her! Why am I seeing images of Caroline flipping backward over Bill's balcony right now?

Over the balcony, under the bus -- wow, Bill. Family means so much to you. Oh, but not to worry. Bill's ship is unsinkable. He can protect Caroline and Douglas from the tsunami press. Katie was quick to remind Bill that he can't control all the media in the world. Someone in Shanghai is gonna see this story, and then Forrester will never be Made in-China. Not good for the stock, Bill, no matter who's CEO.

I mean, that was Bill's goal, right? To up the stock -- not to finally get Brooke's boobs on his chest again.

It's more than about the boobs. Bill feels that Ridge is manipulating "young parents." Of course, that means it's okay to in turn manipulate Ridge's life without even verifying the second-hand info from Katie, who had hallucinations about Brooke feeding Bill in front of her.

Bill knows nothing about Ridge's belief that Thomas "took advantage" of a drugged-up Caroline. Katie also got it wrong that Ridge supposedly threw Caroline out, leaving her no choice but to call Thomas to console her. That didn't happen. We all know what we saw that night and what we saw the next morning. I'm gonna leave it at that.

I feel my blood pressure rising. I can't leave it. I heard about an article in TV Guide in which Brad Bell said Thomas didn't rape Caroline because he'd "believed" they were consummating their love. Bell also said that he would not be so generous toward Thomas if Caroline had been Bell's daughter.

Of course that statement opens a can of worms about whether Ridge raped pill-popping Brooke -- who had told Ridge very plainly that she wasn't trying to get with him that night. And what of Taylor raping a blurry-eyed and pill-popping Ridge? Then, of course, there's the case of Caroline Senior and Liam Spencer. There's been a whole lot of "love-consummating" going on over the years.

Should Bill have bothered to consult Caroline for her side of things before running off at the mouth to Brooke? Caroline is emotional, and when Thomas said he knew how to push Ridge's buttons, he meant Caroline, who probably feels guilty when she steps on an ant. Thomas was using her feelings as a mother to sway her to his side. He did the same thing by telling her to meet him at the cabin alone the other week.

Thomas knows there's no cosmic daddy-baby connection. I can't even believe they have him saying that in the same week they have Zende staring blank-eyed stupid at Sasha's toilet pregnancy test and when Nicole hasn't given a second thought to a child she gestated for nine months! "Lizzie? Oh, I thought you said Zende," would likely be a Nicole response to anything about the baby she never even mentions herself.

As for Maya's nesting behavior, the weeks-old Lizzie has been passed off to the nanny already. A shame in comparison to Douglas, don't you agree? Maya is Lizzie's aunt. Does she not share even a modicum of the magnetism to Lizzie that Thomas feels for Douglas?

Thomas tells Caroline she promised him that she'd make some sort of role for him, and he was willing to accept the limitations. Yeah. "Some sort of role" surely means he can say son. When she said she'd told him not to say it, he claimed Ridge had told him that, not her.

Did Caroline really have to spell it out again? At the cabin, she made it clear that Thomas would be in Douglas' life -- as his brother. Caroline said to go straight to brotherhood -- do not pass go, do not pick up a "congratulations" cigar. She'd been desperate at the cabin and probably would have said they could live on the moon if it would get him to keep the secret. Thomas has this way of preying on Caroline's emotions when she's distraught -- umm, like at the hotel the night of conception

Ridge isn't perfect. It was a dumb idea to try to banish Thomas again, and most certainly dumb not to personally put him on the private jet. And Ridge should have run it by Caroline before he proposed it. But if Caroline standing around in her kitchen, talking to a half-naked Thomas is any indication of how well she'd enforce boundaries -- well...I don't blame Ridge for trying to get some space. Next time, try outer space, with Caroline's blessing, of course.

Doesn't Thomas live in the guesthouse? Did he and Eric say they live in the guesthouses, so Steffy could move into the main house? So why is Thomas walking across the driveway, into the mansion's kitchen, while drying off from a shower? Ugh. Can you not slough off dead skins cells near my sandwich? Thomas has a mini-fridge. He didn't need juice that badly. He's just like Brooke. No boundaries.

That aside, Thomas finally talked to Ridge like a man instead of an entitled sperm donor. Understanding Thomas' feelings, Ridge said Thomas can have full access to Douglas. Knowing Thomas, he thinks that means getting in bed with Ridge and Caroline on nights that Douglas wants to sleep with his parents. You know that if they tell him to leave, he'll complain that he was promised full access and whine to Caroline that only the two of them know the feeling of Douglas obsession.

Here are some different viewpoints from our soapcental.com message board:

• I hope when all of this stuff comes to light, that Ridge loses his CEO seat at Forrester Creations. I hope and pray that Steffy sides with her brother over him because he had no business stealing her brother's baby. -- Bericplusmaya

• Ridge is on my last nerve and has been since this show began, but this takes the cake!!! But if he wants so badly to play daddy then he should bring RJ home from boarding school!!! -- bogylove

• Loved Thomas standing up for himself and his own first born son, Douglas, and clearly showed Ridge that he has come out of Ridge's controlling manipulation fog and knows that everything Ridge has done is for himself and totally self serving. -- Executive

Of the Titanic sinking of Bill and Katie's marriage, you said:

• It's disgusting that [Bill's] first thought is how he can use this to bring down Ridge, but cares nothing that Thomas knocked up his niece. And his "so what?" response to how outing this scandal will hurt Caroline and Douglas. Unbelievable. $Bill is down to TwoCentsBill. -- Katbert

• Really Bill? Katie asked you not to breathe a word to anyone. This was supposed to be something she trusted you (her husband) with, and the first person you tell is her sister who you said you loved? Is he serious? Is Brooke? Isn't she the one wanting Katie's trust, yet she's crying in [Katie's] husband's arms? -- Booknerd

• I'm so glad that Bill spelled out the situation to Katie about what Ridge is really doing! Ridge is trying to manipulate two young parents. Ridge feels that just because Thomas is a single man that he can't be a good father, and that's really sick that Ridge is trying to bring down his own son's self-esteem. I hope that Bill rights all of these wrongs and talks with Caroline and gets her to see that. -- Lionwoman

Don't hold your breath, Lionwoman. Bill and Justin combined couldn't even get Quinn locked up for her umpteenth crime against Liam. Besides, after Katie finds out that Bill fell for Brooke's one-eye tear trick -- again -- he'll be dressing up like a woman to sneak on a Titanic lifeboat fast.

Oh, but who knows...maybe Katie will surprise us and say what she said to Ridge -- that it really is for the best that everyone, including Hope all the way in Milan, know that the family is keeping with its incest-like traditions. I'm sure Katie is quite happy that Brooke gets to benefit from all the hard sleuthing work Katie did. The information certainly didn't hit Brooke in the head like a ton of "I knew it all along!" bricks on Friday, did it?

Instead, Brooke stood there like "Wha...Huh?" as if she'd never looked at Ridge sideways when Caroline came up preggers. Where has Brooke been during this whole storyline, anyway? Here she comes in at the climax, trying to cash in on the big reveal for Rick's sake. Rick has been waiting on mommy to fight his battles ever since he realized Eric got a new hearing aid with a Rick de-volumizer app installed on it.

According to next's week's preview clip, no moss grows under Bill and Brooke's feet. They hightail it to the mansion, and like the ringleader of a bold and beautiful circus, Bill dramatically proclaims that the whole world will know the secret -- oh, what "Isamay-like" headlines! Maybe Ridge should have just done what Sasha did -- abandoned the toilet ticks and just told the truth about Douglas even before the wedding.

Umm, ew. Sasha put her hand in the toilet. I know we'd all like to forget it, and thank God a POV shot didn't show it to us. She was prepared to pass the TidyBowl man's baby off as Zende's, but at the last minute, she backstroked her way to the truth. Sasha set the record for the fastest exposed scam on B&B, but the only brownie points her sisters were willing to give were little bergs left in the toilet.

Bell got me on that one. I was not expecting "that girl" to confess. In another "Wha...Huh?" moment, Zende didn't get it, either. "Well, somebody's pregnant," he said, referring to the positive pregnancy test. It was the toilet, Zende, and hopefully, Sasha finally flushed it along with the lies.

Zende was relieved to dodge the bullet and fine with letting the sisters bicker it out. Nicole can't just be happy that Sasha fessed up, and Nicole gets to move on with Zende -- which Zende wanted regardless of the toilet baby -- Nicole needed to rant about the imaginary timeframe she might have had to think of Sasha as pregnant had Maya not forced Sasha's hand.

What is the solution to everyone's problem? Send it out of town or leave town. Why is L.A. never big enough for rivals? I know the traffic is bad, but do Nicole and Ridge really think the smog in their lives will clear if Thomas and Sasha leave? And that dummy Sasha was packing her bags, just like Thomas had done. Ridge at least promised Thomas a promotion, but Nicole -- with no authority to do so -- was chasing Sasha out of town and away from a career Sasha had earned.

What happened to the "Sasha Fierce" who told Julius that she wasn't going anywhere? Nicole doesn't even have the authority to tell Sasha to walk across the hall, let alone to leave town. After watching Maya and Nicole scowling at Sasha like jackals but kissing Zende's behind, I was glad that Julius called the family meeting to get everyone on the same page.

Julius probably wanted to fix things because he'd tired of sleeping under the motel sign. But why did Maya invite him to Viv's motel room if Maya intended to lord his and Sasha's mistakes over them? Julius appealed to his wife and daughters for forgiveness, and Vivienne, who'd been praying about it, agreed to try. Even though it wouldn't be easy, she loved him and was ready to at least attempt to get beyond it.

"So you're just gonna give him a pass? After he lied to you every single day?" Maya asked.

Drop the mic. Iceberg Maya just hit, and this cold-ass bitch is freezer-burning a tender moment.

I'm trying to move away from talk of Maya's past. I mean, it's so last year, but heck -- that's the problem! It was last year that Maya asked Rick and Carter for forgiveness for lying to them every single day about her true self and what she went through daily to be her true self. Carter came around to understanding, and Rick broke the B&B speed record in forgiveness.

Maya never learned from the compassion that Rick and Carter showed her. She always has to lash out, blame people, and hold things over people's heads. She's even got enough blackness in her heart to hold against Sasha things Sasha didn't even do to her. She needs to drop the hate and feel some shame for having money tumbling out of her weave but never offering to let her parents stay in the former love nest she had with Rick.If it was my mama, I'd insist, and Rick can't have the Roadster getting dinged up in a motel parking lot, for reals.

Sasha begged for forgiveness. In Nicole's opinion, Sasha needed to beg on. Maya understood Vivienne trying with Julius, because that's what family did, but Maya still had a problem with Sasha.

Can someone tap Maya on the shoulder and remind her that if two people have the same father, then they are family? Julius asked the sisters to follow their mother's example, because if they kept their hearts closed, they couldn't give or receive love. Nicole agreed to try with Sasha, and Maya said she would, too, "this one time."

I think I just scowled at my own flashback. I'm gonna say it to Maya like Adam Newman said it to Nick this week on Y&R-- Maya better not ever come knocking on Sasha's door in need of forgiveness after acting like that when Sasha needed it and after others had shown Maya grace.

Where are the good, reliable siblings in one's time of need? I don't know, but I can tell you where one sibling is not after promising to be. It's stationed at Liam's front door, keeping Quinn out. The promise was the first thing out of Wyatt's mouth when Liam didn't press charges against Quinn.

Maybe Wyatt is working because Bill and Katie are out of the office on someone else's business. Still, this is a major security breech on Wyatt's part -- and right at the beginning, too. Quinn walked into the cliff house -- through an unlocked door, mind you -- and she was all smiles and full of rosy ideas that Liam could come to love her even more than Adam.

Liam was so annoyed with Quinn that I'm surprised it didn't spark a brain aneurism. Quinn didn't believe Liam when he said once again that he wasn't feeling her. According to next week's preview video, Quinn gets back on the Liam warpath. Maybe during all of Liam's yelling about her robbing him of Steffy, Quinn sees Adam go up in a puff of smoke, leaving her stuck with the dreaded Liam.

This is one iceberg Liam had to have seen coming from a thousand leagues away, and if he wasn't so Steffy-track-minded, he could have figured out how to steer himself out of it. Now, just like the Titanic, Liam might not be able to turn his rudder fast enough to avoid utter catastrophe.

Normally, I'd insert my unusual PSA about male victims of domestic violence, but hey, maybe Bell doesn't really "intend" for Liam to be a stalked victim of rape, kidnapping, or psychological damage, and everything Liam's been through is just filler until the big STEAM reunion. According to news at Soap Central, Reverend Riley will be back, and he has some unfortunate news for Wyatt. Bad news for Wyatt means good news for Liam.

Married is married, according to Wyatt -- except when you're not really married, that is. Next week, we'll see what the good pastor possibly has to tell Wyatt. If the marriage certificate was never signed, or filed, or turned in -- if it was pooped on by a bat, caught in a rainstorm, or it got stuck under a departing soldier's boot, then you guys might have to talk me off a ledge because I am so done with these no-consequence plots and the convenient plot parachutes.

In closing, I'll leave you with some observant entries from this week's "Shaking my Head" thread, faithfully on our boards every week:

• Well, to think about it, has anyone ever tested little Ricky's DNA -- I mean Brooke being Brooke....... -- Mewriter

• SMH that Thomas was clean shaven in the kitchen last night but has his beard back in the morning...is he a werewolf or something? SMH at Brooke hanging out with Ridge, admiring Douglas. If she wanted some baby time, why not have her watching her own granddaughter at home? -- Redheadedteacher

• SMH @ Viv saying Zende was now free of Sasha... Um meaning what exactly, because it looked like he was enjoying being strapped down by her for the time being, pun intended...It takes two to tango and Zende's feet were moving just as fast as Sasha's. -- Littleman16

• SMH at Rick ... he complains about how much work he's doing, while exercising with Zende, then he complains when he finds out Ridge handled a business call ... one that didn't even involve International. -- Dorothy12102

• SMH at Katie having the nerve to tell Bill that it is all between Ridge, Caroline, and Thomas when just seconds ago, she was stirring the pot with Thomas and making it all her business! -- SPF5

• SMH at Katie thinking that Bill would be able to keep a promise to keep a secret. He lasted what -- 15 minutes until Brooke turned on the tears. -- Katbert

Dorothy, did you catch it when, while working out, Rick said he'd rather be at home with Maya and Nicole? He didn't mention Lizzie. Katbert, Katie is used to Bill lasting only fifteen minutes, just not with secrets. The Titanic held up longer against the iceberg than Bill did a teardrop. We'll see what his bulkheads are made of after Caroline and Katie witness him -- giving his family members' lifeboat seats to Brooke and Rick. With a husband like that, maybe Katie ought give Thomas a reason to stop being single.

Until we meet again, "let the lifeboats be seated according to class," and may all your cruises be bold, beautiful, and iceberg-free, baby!

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