March Madness: The Ex-Wives Club

This week, B&B brought together every woman Liam ever fell for. And, thanks to Quinn, Deacon just fell! Mull through the madness of March with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Was your first day on the job more like Father's Day? Did you make peace for the sake of a complex common denominator? Did you go from figuratively swimming with the sharks to literally? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer clan this week!

If it's March, it must be madness -- that inevitable week where CBS preempts two days of soaps, leaving us with a humdinger Wednesday cliffhanger. I first learned about it in 1995, when it seemed over five interminable days that Sheila had drowned Lauren in a hot tub. Last year, Nicole dropped the bomb about Maya's gender of origin. This year, Deacon just dropped! Let's Scoop about it!

I'm guessing Ridge and Caroline are keeping busy toweling off their water birth son, who continues to go nameless. I wouldn't be surprised if the kid ends up called Nautilus. Or Neptune. Someone suggested Douglas, which I actually think would be perfect. And Katie must still be off somewhere, drinking out of broken glasses, though she got a mention when Bill told new hire Wyatt she was available for brain-picking, "if you can."

Yes, three years after his intro by solar shower, Wyatt is wading into Dollar Bill's gene pool to learn how to bite like a barracuda. I think Wyatt and Bill spent more time together in these three episodes than they have in three years! I like that Wyatt called Bill out on all the shade-throwing Bill had put Wyatt through, making sure Bill was hiring him on for his own merits and not because Liam just happened to be AWOL.

Bill seems more hurt by Liam's absence than anything, and even though the show avoids it, Bill's "she deserves to be appreciated" talk about Steffy indicates that he "Still" grooves on her, even after five years. When Bill and Steffy had their mini, non-consummated affair in 2011, I balked because Katie was an innocent bystander. At this point, Katie deserves what she gets. "Still" redux would really push her off the edge!

But Bill wasn't willing to give Wyatt a free pass about assimilating another one of Liam's paramours. And I was over the moon when Bill mocked Liam, whining, "I want Hope I want Steffy I want Ivy I can't make up my mind!" I love when the show can make fun of itself, and Liam's infamous indecision is certainly worthy of such taunting. Naturally, it was all a lead-up to the quickie returns of Steffy's rivals, Ivy and Hope.

Having Steffy interact with Hope and Ivy to discern Liam's whereabouts was inspired, but it did shine a 1000-watt light on the silliness that has been Liam's six-year relationship history. Oh, Liam, when you first came on, your romance with Hope was ber-sweet. As Liam Cooper, you were dorky and quirky, and I was totally Team Lope, the way you guys survived Amber's babydaddy frame-up and Oliver taking advantage of it.

You totally had me, Liam, when you proposed to Hope at that fashion show with those signs. But then you decided it was more important to get laid than it was to wait until after marriage, like Hope asked you to. Instead of making do with back issues of those porn mags your granddaddy used to publish at Spencer (is Bill keeping those going, I wonder?), you put Hope's ring on Steffy's finger while it was still warm.

I could never invest in Leffy, Liam, because it always seemed you wanted Hope when you were with Steffy, and Steffy when you were with Hope. Finally when you and Steffy were going to have a baby and did that motorcycle wedding, I thought we'd settled things. Until that terrible miscarriage. I felt for you when Steffy split and actually respected you when you held off on reuniting with Hope so you could heal.

I have to admit, though, I enjoyed watching you twist in the wind when Wyatt put the moves on your girl and Hope decided that waffling turnabout was fair play. But even that got old, especially when you being late to marry Hope had her marrying Wyatt instead. Then along came Ivy. You finally seemed over Steffy, and Hope had moved on. Yes, Liam, for the first time it seemed like you were getting a backbone.

But then you messed that up by drooling over Steffy and ditching Ivy at her best friend's memorial. And this is what putting your trio of boos in the same couple of episodes highlights: Liam Cooper Spencer, your love life is played out! No wonder Bill made fun of it, and Eve is the first woman you haven't waffled with, even if she's really Quinn. She tried to stick you with a sword, and now you're sticking her with yours!

It was more than a little convenient that Ivy waltzed in, complete with her sassy new haircut, just as Steffy felt she couldn't move on unless she knew Liam was alive. Ivy sure travels a lot! She just went to Cancn with Papa John at Christmas then racked up some serious frequent flyer miles going Down Under. Now she's "passing through" with Dad. Didn't Ivy have her own jewelry business when she dbuted? It must be in the toilet by now.

But I did get a certain soapy thrill when Ivy told Steffy that Liam hit his head on Air Cranium and flew back to L.A. to walk Steffy down the aisle. Finally, Steffy's mystery got some long-needed clues! And how could you not love Ivy reminding Steffy that she's a saucy Aussie? Hearing Steffy was now engaged to Wyatt, Ivy scoffed that Steffy didn't love him. Steffy was still in love with Liam, just like Ivy was. Meow!

Score one for the Plant! Not that Steffy didn't get a few good ones in there, too. Then Steffy did something even she admitted she should have done eons ago: she called Hope. I'm a little surprised Miss Logan kept Steffy's contact info in her phone to display as her phone rang. Steffy wondered why Hope thought something was wrong, to which Hope replied, "We don't call each other." There was a strange regret in it.

Amazingly, for all the gondolas and chocolate fights and interrupted weddings, Steffy and Hope's quick conversation really showed them behaving like the sometime stepsisters they are instead of the enemies they became while fighting over Liam. It was nice to see. "You still love Liam," Hope observed, though Steffy said Hope didn't know what was going on. "Hey...I know," Hope admitted. What a great scene!

And Wyatt needs to get himself some new contacts along with that snazzy new suit, because if he can't see that Steffy doesn't really want him, he's certifiably blind. Hope and Ivy talked to Steffy for about a minute between them, and even they could tell Steffy's still riding the Liam train. "I feel he's been on the verge of a breakdown," Wyatt said of Liam, because "he's been in and out of relationships...!" Hypocrite much, Wyatt?

No, Wyatt felt that Liam was out saving himself "from some sort of epic fall," which was not the first, second, or even fiftieth bit of foreshadowing regarding the planned end of Liam's hike. B&B's always done that, but I felt it was a little overdone in this case. Liam's amnesiac, not stupid; even he should have been able to pick up Quinn's dropped hints like he was Hansel in the forest. The view was "to die for." Oh, really!

Deacon's predictions of doom made "Eve" feel that her Garden of Eden was drying up. Deacon wanted Quinn to tell Bill the truth, or he'd tell Bill himself. Ah, but Quinn had another option: murder! Makes for great drama, natch, but how silly is that? All Quinn has to do is load Liam on a plane and move...anywhere! Pick a spot in Europe, Africa. No danger of being traced unless Liam's memory comes back.

But Deacon's doctor friend suggested that Liam might never remember his past. Quinn would feel even better to hear that the two concussions she knows about aren't Liam's only ones: he knocked his noggin in 2010 during a drunken night with Amber, and sustained another head injury when Tawny's stove blew up in 2011. You get the feeling Liam's been working on reduced brain function ever since?

Liam was happy to meet Deacon -- ahem, "Jim" -- who made a slip calling Quinn "your mom." I don't quite get how that was supposed to trigger anything for Liam. Maybe "your attempted murderess" might have gone further. But Deacon wasn't buying the sugar Quinn tried to sell him: an offer to get back together once Liam was out of the way. Interestingly, Quinn admitted that marriage had ended their romance. Hmm. Maybe so.

Feeling he'd already gotten in over his head by doctoring photo albums, Deacon relayed that he hadn't enjoyed his stint in prison (for hiding evidence in Diane Jenkins' death on Y&R) and didn't relish the idea of offing his former son-in-law. But Quinn insisted, given the demise of their marriage, that Deacon owed her a happy ending. So Deacon reluctantly agreed to facilitate what would be Liam's hike from hell.

I don't know if I've just watched soaps long enough that I can tell these things, or if B&B used their telegraph too liberally, but it dawned on me very quickly that Quinn was planning Deacon's murder, not Liam's. "A friend is about to die," Quinn admitted to Liam. Quinn's dialogue also included "I have no other choice" and "he won't know; no one will." Quinn brought Deacon to the cliffs for a practice run, kissing and hugging him. Yep! Clue City!

The only thing I couldn't figure out was if Quinn's asthma was real. I saw the inhaler when Liam was packing up, and I was as stunned as Liam was when Quinn revealed needing it. I assumed fakery from Quinn as she planted the inhaler in the car, but her wheezing seemed awfully real (well, real considering it's a TV show, anyway). I'm still not sure. All I know is that craggy cliff location was gorgeous. Wow.

Liam luxuriated in the sun while Quinn maneuvered him to her preselected ground zero, looking like she was about to hurl. Deacon lay in wait as instructed, with Liam stepping closer to the edge to admire the view. Quinn's hand hovered near Liam's back. Would she push him? I know one thing: Quinn must be clairvoyant, because her look, expressions, and deeds matched her imagination of the previous week perfectly. (Nice try, B&B.)

But then Quinn had an attack of asthma! She needed her inhaler pronto, but it was all the way back in the car! Liam's hero tendencies are intact, because he raced away from the cliffs for the benefit of Quinn's lungs. And I became positive that's exactly what Quinn wanted, real condition or not. Deacon sprang up from his rocky hiding place, wanting to know what went wrong.

Quinn pointed to nonexistent people, prompting Deacon to have a peek over the cliff for himself. Well, he got an up-close look, because Quinn's hands met with his back, and Mr. Sharpe went tumbling, tumbling...screaming as he plunged who knows how many feet, landing in the raging water with a CGI splash! Oh, Freaky Deaky, how could we know when you slinked onto the canvas 16 years ago that it would end like this!

Of course, we don't know yet that Deacon is dead. It's a good literal cliffhanger. Would it be more interesting if Deacon did go to a watery grave? Maybe. For one thing, "oops, I'm not really dead" is a tired device; all the soaps are guilty of milking it to the point that an actual soap death is a shock. And let's face it: Sean Kanan rules, but Deacon doesn't have much in the way of storyline possibilities in front of him.

I had such high hopes when Bill busted him out of jail in 2012. Amazingly, the Genoa City police never pursued it, because once Deacon helped ruin Lope's umpteenth wedding and inadvertently triggered Katie's premature labor, Deacon disappeared until the apparently relapsed alcoholic met Quinn in a bar and got caught up in helping her push Hope and Wyatt together.

This is what I mean. Deacon Sharpe is sexy, street smart, and silver-tongued. When Rick bringing Deacon to town to lure Amber away from C.J. backfired, Deacon soon burned holes in mattresses with Bridget, Amber, and Brooke. Breacon's orgasmic oofing is still the stuff of record books. Deacon mellowed with Macy and got jiggy with Jackie before going through more complicated art forgery arcs on Y&R.

Yet all Deacon has really done since returning to B&B is engage in an improbable relationship with Quinn and attempted remarrying Brooke without even the benefit of a date first. There's so much more Deacon is capable of. He's been back two years and hasn't once had a scene with Rick, and all we know about Deacon's son "Little D" is that the kid goes to school in Ojai, California. Deacon is still hot as hell, and a great foil for Bill. Yet this is how it ends? Falling off a cliff like his one-time girlfriend Carmen fell off a building?

So I'm torn, Scoopers. Deacon dying would be a boffo twist, and just as well if the character can't be written to live up to his potential. It's just that there's still so much trouble he could stir up. The guy's always been too enterprising to just sit around without a job as he has the past two years. Start up another club. Manage another singer. Hell, he's got mad Photoshop skills now -- maybe Bill could use him as a graphic artist!

Deacon's fate isn't the only one we were left wondering about. How much longer can "Adam" and "Eve" go on? I like the tale, but it needs some distinct story progression. Liam never remembering anything is more than a mite unbelievable. And you'd think he would end up needing actual medical attention. I'm not opposed to keeping "Quiam" going, but let's feel the noose tightening, especially with Bill, Wyatt, and Steffy in play.

I'm very curious to see what will happen when Liam does get his memory back and learns he's been shagging the woman who almost killed him. Will he see a new side to her? It would be something if Liam stayed with Quinn after all this. Everyone would lose it. And Quinn is more woman than Steffy, Hope, and Ivy put together!

Do you think Deacon's dead? How do you think the "Adam" and "Eve" romance should end -- or should it? Take the plunge in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

• "Steffy, Hope, Ivy and Quinn are all in love with Liam. He could have a harem! I told everyone he was the heartthrob of the show. This confirms it. Even Quinn who hated him has seen his charms." -- "ILoveBizzie"

• "I can't root for [Liam] and Quinn because she's not coming from a good place. It's disgusting, and she's hijacking his life....I like Wyatt, but the more I watch him the more I question why. I can't stand the desperate need to be all things Liam. The only woman he liked not linked to Liam was Nicole, but after the Maya outing that's not happening..." -- Danielle

• "If it helps end this Quinn & Liam storyline, bring [Hope] back! Although, I wish Deacon would do the right thing & tell someone what Quinn's plan is! Maybe he would tell Bill or Steffy for some money and he'll leave too. I know...let Deacon go be with Hope! Then we don't need to see Hope again." -- "Chers57"

• "Bill attempted to kill Ridge a few years ago at his wedding, now Quinn [attempted] to kill Deacon to get rid of any evidence! What a disgrace -- if I were Wyatt I would be ashamed of my parents!" -- "Dkingz"

Don't forget, Bill also plotted to kill Amber, ironically enough, by positioning her into falling off a cliff. Maybe Bill and Quinn should be together, after all -- they have more in common than just S&M sex!

Let's get ready to mosey on from March Madness with a few Points to Ponder!

Why does everyone have fruit everywhere? Quinn keeps lemons in the living room, and the Forrester Sky Lounge has baskets on every table, and that's just this week... Who was that in the picture behind Hope? I thought it was Brooke and Rick, but it looked more like Steffy and Thomas, which couldn't be...

Steffy saw fit to tell Wyatt that Ivy didn't know where Liam was but forgot to add that Ivy also mentioned Liam hitting his head. Pretty important info to drop!... Liam's cell phone indicated he was getting calls from Steffy, Bill, and Wyatt at times like 0:12, 0:18, and 1:07. Why are they all trying to get in touch after midnight?

Don't forget to click on the links for character profiles and peeks at previous columns -- let us know what you think of this added feature! Chanel will drag the Pacific for Deacon next week, and I will be back to kick off April on April 4. Keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!

What are your thoughts on ? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.