A stoning party on Rodeo Drive

Get updated on the latest news, gossip, and fashion tidbits from the fashion house that sets more new trends in backstabbing than in clothes and jewelry. Los Angeles residents don't play well with others, Scoopers. So get in line to brand them with the Scarlet Letter Award for betrayal and arrogance, and stone them on Rodeo Drive for daring to do this or wear that on the Bold and the Beautiful this past week.

Welcome to the Two Scoops Eye on Fashion Volume Two Edition. Get updated on the latest news, gossip, and fashion tidbits from the fashion house that sets more new trends in backstabbing than in clothes and jewelry. Los Angeles residents don't play well with others, Scoopers. So get in line to brand them with the Scarlet Letter Award for betrayal and arrogance, and stone them on Rodeo Drive for daring to do this or wear that on the Bold and the Beautiful this past week.

Lately, Bill's been too busy twiddling his sword while awaiting Brooke's return, and Liam's been too distracted with tofu barbeque and Bu's cat litter to bother with magazine sales. That leaves it up to me and Jarrett again to make salacious readership gold out of the lives and trials of the Forresters and the Spencers. Let's dig in with the magazine's breaking news first.

For the first time since the spring, Los Angeles residents shocked viewers by once again engaging in on-screen mating rituals.

Hot sex scenes are a staple of soap operas, but during the blazing summer, it seemed that no one was sweating between the sheets on CBS soaps -- not even Brooke Logan. At the onset of the sex drought, I thought that maybe the writers were trying to show Brooke in a new light, but when Liam and Hope reunited without a consummation scene, I realized that no one on the show was having sex.

It was so subtle, the removal of sex scenes, that one could have missed it. Liam enforced the no-sex rule upon Hope dating both brothers, and Brooke and Bill weren't expected to have sex while in the conservative Middle East. It was odd that Hope and Wyatt honeymooned without even so much as falling onto a bed in an exhausted heap, but who wants sex with a portrait of Bill on the wall? When Hope turned up pregnant, I figured we had an immaculate conception storyline on our hands.

Ridge and Katie weren't having sex, either, but Ridge was recovering from the Abu Dhabi incident. We already knew Quinn wouldn't get sex from Bill again, and we didn't expect sex from the chaste Aly. And let's face it, who wants to see the medieval sex that Pam and Charlie talk about?

Bumping uglies made a comeback on The Young and the Restless with Devon and Hilary succumbing to their desires. B&B began dropping sexual hints with Deacon and Quinn, but the hints were so vague that viewers weren't sure if the two had or hadn't broken out the flogging paddles. Talk of coffee and spankings on Friday made it official. Deacon is Quinn's new whipping boy in every way.

Viewers saw telltale signs of sex when our eyes followed a trail of clothes leading to Hope's bed. There, Hope was draped in a sheet while Wyatt strolled off to shower. The sexless summer proved one thing -- the writers can put on storylines without whips and bras boomeranging off the walls.

Stockholders prepare to pull their money out when, for the umpteenth time in Forrester Creations' history, Eric Forrester pits family members against each other in a battle for the CEO position.

Well, at least Ridge seems to think it's the CEO position that he's fighting for. Eric has repeatedly told Ridge that Eric isn't stepping down, but somehow, Eric's decision to appoint new leadership while he travels has led to Ridge's fight to become CEO.

On her deathbed, Stephanie discovered a loophole that allowed her to name a permanent CEO, so how can Eric appoint a new one? Remember when Ridge moved to Paris and appointed Thomas as the interim CEO? Stephanie squashed that by her permanent appointment, and suddenly, the presidency, which never meant anything, became golden. Despite Stephanie's wishes, it appears that the CEO position -- long coveted by Ridge, Thorne, Thomas, and Rick -- is once again up for grabs.

According to Eric, Thorne, who'd been incarcerated in the basement for twenty-five years, doesn't want the CEO position, and Felicia is just too ditzy for it. Eric didn't even consider Kristen -- or Steffy or Thomas, who together own thirty percent of the business. Neither did he consider Brooke, whose BeLieF formula had once been valued to equal decades of Forrester profits. Brooke deserves the position due to more than a fabric formula but also due to her innovation in creating Brooke's Bedroom, the Men's Line, and Forrester International.

But in Eric's mind, only Rick and Ridge are ripe for the position. Ridge believes Eric wants Rick at the helm because Rick is actually Eric's blood. In truth, if Ridge had honored Eric's wishes by marrying Brooke, Ridge wouldn't need to play footsy with Caroline to get ahead.

At the helm, Eric wants a power couple reminiscent of himself and Stephanie. He'd made that plain to Ridge when Ridge had been all up in the poetry clouds with Katie. In that scenario, Brooke was the business-minded Stephanie, and Ridge was the artistic Eric.

For some reason, Eric doesn't think Katie, who ran Forrester and Spencer with lukewarm results, can fill Stephanie's shoes at Forrester -- but Rick can. In Eric's new power couple mix, Rick plays the part of Stephanie, and Caroline becomes the artistic Eric. If you see where I'm going with this, you can guess that two artists at the helm isn't at all what Eric wants.

If I'm right, Ridge can stop coming on to Caroline and making her want to design a Scarlet A clothing line to wear while stoning herself on Rodeo Drive for being attracted to Ridge. What she and Katie need to be doing is teaming up to stone Ridge for manipulating their futures for his own gain.

Maybe I give the writers too much credit with the above rationalization of Eric's intentions. Eric might indeed be a passive-aggressive simpleton who enjoys stoning Ridge for being the love of Stephanie's life, Massimo's son, and the reason Eric couldn't be with his first love, Beth Logan. I applaud Eric for at least choosing to make the decision outright versus throwing a meaningless competition after which he arbitrarily chooses a winner based upon utter randomness.

Eric didn't make it a competition, but Ridge has. It's a competition for Caroline, and Rick doesn't even know it yet. Rick thinks Caroline is frazzled about blocking fans over comments on omelet pictures, but she's so spooked about her feelings for Ridge that yelling "Boo!" would catapult her through the ceiling. Ridge thinks he's in control, but he spooked himself by imagining Caroline while kissing Katie.

Bill might be inappropriate, but Katie can't say he didn't warn her that Caroline is banging, Ridge is a playboy, and the pair spontaneously combusts on the sketchpad. Chemistry like Ridge and Caroline's can leave Katie hanging on by a string -- literally -- and Rick might need to haul that zero tee shirt back out to illustrate to himself how many chances he has left at keeping his wife or at becoming the CEO.

Despite being ordered eight different ways to stay away from her son and his pregnant wife, Quinn Fuller greeted Wyatt Spencer with a smile after breaking into his home this week.

Wyatt didn't express concern about how Quinn got into the house when she greeted him upon his return home from God knows where. He sure as hell hadn't been helping Ivy at work as he's been contracted to do. Ivy told Liam she hadn't seen hide nor spiked-hair of Wyatt around the office.

Wyatt claims to be concerned with only one thing these days -- making sure Hope gets what she wants. At least those are the words out of one side of his mouth. The other side is sarcastically asking Hope if they should go as far as getting a restraining order on Quinn. Hope simply said she hoped Quinn did nothing to warrant it, and I want to know why Hope didn't hop at the chance to get the order.

Hope had no problem telling Ivy not to rush Liam. Hope clearly told Aly to stop making her think about Liam. Hope even told Quinn that Quinn will never be around her own grandchild, but when Wyatt mentions a restraining order to help in that effort, Hope doesn't speed-dial Lieutenant Baker?

Even without the restraining order, Wyatt is being a good husband. He's shaking up bagged salads, learning to make a downright sexy breakfast, and even self-squeezing "du jus d'orange" for Hope. The only things he can't seem to do, though, are draw the line with Quinn or hear his own words when he lambastes Quinn for her psychotic, obsessive actions.

Wyatt is trying to placate the women in his life with the hope that the tension between them will quell; however, he has to know that Quinn will not be out-of-sight, out-of-mind like Bu the Cat. I believe he'd probably prefer to deal with Bu's fur right about now over mediating the catfight between his wife and mother. Things are about to get worse now that Quinn has picket-fence-brainwashed Deacon into helping her get into Hope's good graces.

Hope proved that she has no good graces for Quinn when Hope told Deacon to get to stepping if he wants to bathe in Quinn-cuddies. Now is the time for Wyatt to lay down the law and protect his wife and the unborn Hopperton or Wyatta from the wicked grandmother. If he doesn't, Hope might miscarry due to stress. Hope's worn out expression and red eyes prove that she's under constant stress, from watching Ivy with Liam to experiencing her first pregnancy while her mother-in-law stalks her.

Hope's own mother chose to vicariously experience Hope's first pregnancy via text-messages, and her father lets the bogeywoman spank his buns. Hope was so woeful the other day that Liam pity-hugged her before skipping off to his tofu barbeque with Ivy. Hope sucked up her jealousy snot and acknowledged that he had a life that went on without her in it.

Hope could relieve stress by stoning a few people on Rodeo Drive after Caroline's done stoning herself. Forrester could turn it into a photo shoot for Caroline's Scarlet A line with the slogan, "For the Adulterer or Asshole in you." Add a picture of Deacon and Bill in leather and chains, and Quinn would turn a butt cheek up for this kinky and painful event.

Maybe after Liam, Hope, Bill, Brooke, and Ridge throw an entire stone quarry at Quinn, some forgiveness can happen. Hope definitely has a pile of rocks to chuck at Quinn for using Hope's own self-absorption against her for over a year and then calling Hope to the carpet of responsibility by blaming Hope's choices square on Hope. Even if Quinn speaks the truth about Hope, my wish is that someone would strike Quinn in the forehead with the rock of sanity, because I can't understand why she can't have fun with Deacon until this whole bridge-gate blows over in Hope's mind.

Hope can chuck a few rocks Ivy's way for being beautiful, confident, and naturally endearing to Liam. Hope can toss a rock across Liam's meathead for moving on to the next woman -- again -- instead of pining for her. Lastly, Hope might want to pellet Aly with a few pebbles for being a turncoat fan by easing over into Ivy's camp.

While we have the stones handy, Deacon needs a stoning for selling Hope out for cheap thrills. Brooke should throw the first rock because she probably expected him to protect their daughter above getting some dominatrix booty. Bill should throw the next rock with a reminder written on it not to let Quinn photograph or videotape anything. Next, Wyatt should knock Deacon out with a curveball rock upside the head for not being a good enough lover to distract Quinn out of Wyatt's business.

If Deacon isn't knocked out cold from that, Hope can finish him off with a boulder to the sternum for having the nerve to repackage Quinn as the new woman in his life. That cheap trick didn't work when Thorne tried to pull it on Aly as a child to get Aly to accept her mother's killer as her new step-mommy. How did Deacon think it would work on the adult Hope who'd schooled Aly all those years ago that Taylor was a killer?

Hey, Deacon, Hope's mama didn't raise no fool -- well, not on purpose -- and Hope isn't going to accept Quinn just because you like having your hot buns crossed by Quinn. In fact, Deacon, you ought to have sense enough to know that bedding Quinn exposed you to an STD -- Sexually Transmitted Dumbness. Ask Brooke about this because you almost caught it again from her. In the meantime, we'll move on to the hottest gossip.

The anonymous Myrna tipped off reporters that Katie Logan, still wearing a red string instead of an engagement ring, believes going blonde will improve her luck with Ridge Forrester.

After watching brunette after brunette in Los Angeles lose out in the romance department and witnessing blondes turn her men's heads, maybe Katie really should consider a change in hair color.

Brooke is halfway around the world, and Bill won't give a second glance to his ex-wife. Katie has the promise of marriage from Ridge, but he's chasing a blonde's skirt to get ahead at work. Katie has put her wedding magazines away, and she nods knowingly when Ridge claims his Caroline manipulations have nothing to do with his commitment to Katie. Ever vigilant, Katie gives Ridge loving advice, but she needs to flog him upside his noggin with a bag full of rocks for keeping her future in limbo.

Katie claims to know a Ridge who couldn't live with himself for keeping up a pretense with Caroline to get what he wants. I'd like to introduce her to the Ridge who led Brooke on when he was married to Taylor so that he could get Brooke to unwittingly sign over her rights to BeLief. I'd like Katie to get to know the Ridge who pulled a similar number on Brooke years later to foil her attempt to marry Thorne -- also while said Ridge was married to Taylor.

Ridge lived with himself just fine after those betrayals, and he'll probably nap like a baby in the CEO's chair while Caroline heads for divorce court. Katie is right about one thing. Ridge can't possibly have considered the consequences of his actions with Caroline, just like he hadn't with Brooke when she figured out his manipulations regarding BeLieF.

Brooke took the whole Forrester family down over that, and I wonder what Ridge thinks Caroline will do when he's CEO but unwilling to leave Katie for Caroline, who no longer has Rick. Ridge is a downright fool to believe Caroline will continue drawing for him at that point. Maybe he believes his own talent will be back by then. He'd better hope so, or he'll have to beg Morgan DeWitt to bail him out. Morgan might be willing to help in exchange for a nominal sperm donation.

Just in -- Pregnancy is the only thing tying Hope Spencer to her husband. The tip comes from the boyfriend of a medieval-costume-wearing redhead who calls herself Hope's biggest ex-fan.

For some reason known only to Aly and Darla-Headroom, Aly thinks Hope cares that Aly has thrown her support behind Ivy to win Liam's heart. Aly was shocked that Liam hadn't notified her of Hope's pregnancy. Hope asserted that it was her business to tell, and Aly needed to stop rubbing it in that Hope couldn't be with Liam.

Aly had better be glad a rock didn't smash into her disloyal backside for running off at the mouth to Ivy about the pregnancy the first chance Aly got. "I don't think that's common knowledge yet," the Aussie responded, pretending to hear the news for the first time. The response makes Ivy a friend who Liam was right to entrust with the pregnancy information.

Aly needs to go back to gossiping with Darla-Headroom, because Ivy and Liam are not studying it. Then Aly needs to get out of Hope's business and GPS the photo studio before she winds up single again.

Eye on Fashion culminates with some fashion news and tidbits. Ivy and Aly might be unable to stop worrying about where things are going for Ivy and Liam, but they looked beautiful doing it. Ivy's face naturally glows, and I want the name of her skincare products. She wore a demure black dress to work, and Aly chose a green one that complemented her red hair.

Instead of worrying Hope about her love life, Aly needs worry Hope about how she dresses. That checkered pink and black onesie-romper-shorts-getup was a fashion don't! I'd call her down to the stoning carpet for it; however, she's with child, and I'll give her a pass for wearing it while asking Liam the dumbest question in Liam and Hope history: "How did it get this way?"

I can't in good conscience say that Liam didn't want to stone Hope for asking the question or for answering herself by saying that "we" allowed it to happen. Instead of yelling at her that she was the faithless one who'd married Wyatt and had sex with him while claiming to want to be with Liam forever, Liam simply replied that he hadn't wanted it to happen, and he knew she hadn't, either.

I have one word for Ivy's sword gift to Liam. Tacky. And her idea to make Hopperton or Wyatta one? Double tacky. Liam's fake half-smile in response? Priceless.

Anyone notice that Quinn has ditched the leather now that she wants to be Grandmother Teresa? Along with a softer look, she's going for a softer mode of manipulation with her prey. With Liam and Bill, she employed blackmail and threats; however, while manipulating Deacon and Wyatt, she plays the poor, innocent victim who just wants a family. Neither tactic works for her on Hope though.

In the upcoming weeks, Hope might get a deserved break from Quinn's incessant intrusiveness when Forrester flies her to the Netherlands for a November photo shoot. Liam, Ivy, and Wyatt will tag along, and spoilers hint that one relationship burgeons while another crumbles.

Since Hope can't stand to even talk about Liam and Ivy, I predict that seeing them in love on the trip might send Hope over the edge. If it happens, I would kiss Wyatt through the television if he finds the guts to break it off with Hope after witnessing her pine for Liam.

Well, that's all Jarrett and I unearthed for the week. Thanks, everyone, for allowing me to fill in the Two Scoops guest spot again. Until next time, in the famous words of Clarence, stay "'Bold and Beautiful, baby!'"

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